Sunday morning

I told Dad I did not want Mom to be on Morphine because I did not want her to be all doped up during the day, but Mom was really struggling to breathe this morning. Jennifer called to ask me whether she should come down or not. She did not know when to come, and I did not know what to tell her. I told her Mom was not doing well, and I did not really know how to do the medicines. I was talking in a normal tone because I knew Mom could not hear us.

I do remember standing there with Jamie asking her if she thought Mom would make it through the week.  We just did not know what to expect.  It had not even been a week since Hospice was involved, and they had not really had an opportunity to see Mom when she was struggling.  So we did not have a time frame to go by.

That morning a squirrel was eating on the window seal again outside her window.  The squirrel sat up on his back two legs and put his front two paws on the window.  The squirrel was looking inside at us.  It was so cute.  I told Mom to look at the squirrel and that he was looking at us.  I just know the Lord had the squirrel do that for us.  I told Mom that Nana and Julie were coming up to see her tomorrow.  She lifted her eyebrows to acknowledge what I had said. 

Mom’s voice diminished almost completely, and I had to put my ear to her lips to hear her speak.  I know it was frustrating.  I told her I was trying and apologized.  She started communicating through lifting her eyebrows to answer yes.

The most frustrating time is when she had us sit her up in bed and lean her completely over her legs.  Her face would be on top of her knees and I could not see her facial expressions to understand what she wanted.  A couple of times she would shake her head.

Mom tried several times to get a sip out of the straw but could not manage because she was struggling to breathe.  Several times she would just spit on herself and not tell me she needed the cup.  I told her not to do that, and I would get the cup for her.  Dad had pointed out how her eyes were bulged out near her eyeballs.

A few couples from her Sunday school class came by to have Sunday school with her.  Joan came in the room to see Mom while everyone else waited to come in.  She came in and greeted Mom and began to love on her.  She rubbed her feet and legs.  Mom said, “That feels good.”

I think Joan asked Mom if she wanted the rest of the group to just come in and pray for her instead of doing a Sunday school lesson.  Mom raised her eyebrows.  The rest of the Sunday school class came in, gathered around her in a circle, and held hands.  There was a long silence, not long enough that I think Mom would have noticed.  The man trying to pray was crying.  He managed to pull himself together and prayed.  A few other times his voice cracked.  As he was praying, I noticed Mom was struggling, and she gave me a look to let me know she needed some help.  I sat Mom up to help her breathe better.  I tried not to cry when they were praying and quietly wiped the tears away, so Mom would not see me cry.  A lot of people were crying.  I saw Dad in the hall, and it appeared like he was wiping a tear away.  I don’t know how long they stayed or what they said because I stayed by Mom’s side.

U  Are you asking your loved one whether they are up to having company?  U

U   Have the visitors been updated with the loved one’s current condition and the visual/physical changes they may notice?  U

U  Can the visitors emotionally handle the visit so it is a positive experience for the loved one?  U

I told Dad I thought she needed some Morphine because she was really struggling to breathe.  We had given her the regular medicine at 8:05 a.m., but it just was not helping.  After talking with Dad about it, I asked Mom if she would like some stronger medicine to make her feel better and she said, “Yes.”  At 10:15 a.m. we gave her some Morphine to help her.