A second mourning? (part I)

 

During the time of I painted the cover of my book, I struggled with a period of gloominess.  I could not put my finger on it, and I struggled telling Paul what I was feeling.  I did not know if it was spiritual warfare because Satan was not happy at all that I was trying diligently to fulfill God’s will.  I could have just been tired from working hard, teaching, and running the shop.

U  How is Satan trying to hinder you from accomplishing Jesus’ glory?  U

I did not want to fix my kid’s supper and would come home from work and crash in my chair for hours.  All I knew was I did not like the feeling at all and even asked the teachers at work to pray for me.  Paul has been great in helping me fix the kid’s supper at night.

Now that I look back on it two weeks later, I think I was going through a second time of mourning over Mom’s death.  I cried frequently at night.  I don’t know if it was because I was being consumed about getting the painting perfect and then all the “old feelings” resurfaced again.  Over a year and a half later, I fight with myself about not feeling sorry for Mom and all she went through.

Joann told me about a book she had read.  She said she would try to get the book back from a friend and bring it down to Dad’s house when we got together for Thanksgiving.  She told me she cried in reading the book and rejoiced for Mom because of what Mom was experiencing in Heaven.  I longed to read the book in hopes it would help me out of my gloominess.