February 28th (my birthday)

I read last night’s devotion the day before my birthday.  It was just what I needed to hear.  It spoke of the Lord showing me sympathy, acknowledging my hurts, and weeping with me.

In a way, I was not looking forward to my birthday.  There would be another one of those firsts for me to go through…..my first birthday without Mom here to tell me happy birthday.  I tried to be tough and protect myself and wondered if I would make it through without breaking down.

The day started out great.  My seventh grade class wanted to have a party for me and brought food to p.e. class.  I was greeted by several enthusiastic students that were very excited it was my birthday.  One student brought a cookie cake with thirty-nine candles on it plus one candle to grow on.  We lit the candles, and they sang happy birthday.  I had not had a cake with corresponding candles on it since Mom probably got me one.  They helped the day get off to a good start.

I came home and as I was looking for something, I ran across Mom’s letters she wrote me while I was in college.  I read through each one.  Since I am not going to get a birthday card from her, it was nice to reflect back on words she once wrote.

I got a sweet birthday card from Jennifer which made me cry.  The one thing she added in the card that really got to me was, “Wish I could give you a HUGE hug.”  All my sisters have already had their birthdays without Mom, and she knew just what to say to help me get through mine. 

Besides my usual birthday card, Paul gave me another card.  We were getting ready go out to dinner, so I had to keep myself from crying.  The card had a cute little bear on the front holding a puzzle piece.  On the front it stated, “Believe in yourself…..”  The next part had the bear sitting on the floor putting a puzzle together.  It then said, “…and everything else…”  The inside of the card stated, “…will fall into place.”  Paul added, “Most of all sweets, I wanted you to know how proud and impressed by your dedication and trust in the Lord during this spiritual journey you are on.  I have really gained an enormous appreciation for you during this time of healing and recovery.  I have never really thought about how often you have to re-live your Mom’s life and death.  When I did, I gained a new appreciation for you as a person, daughter, Mom, and wife.  I love you, Paul.” 

I went with my family out to dinner and got to pick my favorite restaurant.  The decision was a no brainer.  My whole family knows my favorite restaurant.  After dinner we did a few errands, then came home and watched TV.  Joann, Mike, Megan, Madison, and even their dog sang “Happy Birthday” on the phone.  She said, “It’s not the same as it used to be.”  I agreed and knew what she meant without her having to elaborate.  When I checked my phone messages, Jamie and Kaitlin had called.  They sang me “Happy Birthday” as well.  I stayed up late adding this chapter to my book.  I never got to talk to Dad.  He may have called while we were out, but he did not leave a message.

Mom would have left a message, but I did not have higher expectations on Dad.  Mom was a crazy fanatic, and she would make Dad get on the phone with her and say happy birthday.  Sometimes she would call real early, so she would not miss me.  One time I remember I was still in bed.

I prayed Jesus would touch Mom’s face, look her in the eyes, and tell her I love her and miss her.  In that prayer, I mentioned I knew she would tell me happy birthday if she were here.  I also prayed He would tell her about my book.

The song that rings out lately and especially today is, “Take You Back,” by Jeremy Camp.   The video doesn't quite depict the message as it has meaning to me.  Listen to the words and let them minister to you:) 

Yesterday, I prayed for the Lord to show me some light.  When I walked outside, there were snow flurries in the air, and the sun was shining in the distance. 

American Greetings, Boomerang Bear, Cleveland.

Camp, Jeremy. “Take You Back.” Restored. BEC Recordings, Seattle. 2004.

Confirmation

I got out a devotional my family had given to Mom on August 30^th, 2002 to celebrate her 60^th birthday.  Her devotional is another thing of Mom’s I truly cherish.  I started reading the devotional the first week of January 2004 because I finished my other devotion book.  This devotional seemed like it was just for me.

I was floored by the devotionals for January.  The title for January 7^th was “Thank You for Calling Me.”  The scripture was from Isaiah 43:10, “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.”  That scripture was enough in itself to blow me away.  The devotion stated, “Who am I?  Only one little insignificant person in this great world.”   

It is as though each thought I start having gets confirmed by reading this devotion and others.  This devotion spoke of the work the Lord had for me to do here on earth and about me wanting to tell everyone about all He has done for me.  The responsibilities He has put on me at times have seemed overwhelming through the process of writing and editing this book.

Mom did not write in the journal I gave her.  As I was flipping through it last week, I noticed she had highlighted March 30^th.  The title of the devotion was, “Passing the Test.”  Part of the devotion stated, “I felt tested to the limit, Lord, but through it all I knew You were there, helping, strengthening, and comforting me.  I don’t know why I had to struggle, but You knew the answers and I trusted You.”

If she did this devotion on March 30^th, she was going through things by herself before she told anyone.  That would be just like Mom to know there is something wrong and not tell us.

Thursday night, I was struggling to write my overview for the book.  It just wasn’t coming to me.  Friday morning, I asked the faculty at school again to pray for me to have wisdom.  During chapel, that morning, a student which normally leads our singing said a prayer.  During the prayer, he mentioned, “It will come.”  He was probably praying for the students to recall the material they studied, to me God was telling me it will come.  I sat down to type, and it came.  And as I was typing, the confirmation came as well.  While I was typing about Mom walking in faith, the song, “Walk by Faith,” by Jeremy Camp came on.  This song talks about walking by faith, so I included Mom walked by faith instead of in faith.  I have heard this song over and over along with, “Here with Me,” by Mercy Me, exactly when I needed to hear it. 

Saturday I took Ashton to his basketball game at a church.  During half-time a lady spoke about her testimony and how God uses “ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary things.”  She also spoke of it being for “His glory.”  Two more words of confirmation to me.

Before I went to church this past weekend, I prayed the Lord would speak to me through His word.  When I got in church, I noticed in the bulletin, the sermon was on stewardship.  I was disappointed and immediately thought to myself I wasn’t going to get anything about my book during the sermon.  Boy was I thankfully surprised!!  My pastor, Brother Bill, spoke of two main points about stewardship.  The points were to use our God-given resources for His glory and to minister to others.  Wow!!  These were the exact two reasons I feel the Lord had me write this book.

 

God answers prayer, maybe not the answer we want or when we want it, but He answers according to His will.

U  Are you learning to trust in Jesus even though He may not answer your prayers the way you want?  U

 Donihue, Anita Corrine. When I’m On My Knees Daily Devotional Journal.

            Uhrichsville:  Barbour Publishing, Inc., 2001. January 7 and March 30.

Getting me through (part l)

One of the things that have helped me get through is certain Christian songs.  My favorite right now is written by Jeremy Camp.  The name of the song is, “I Still Believe.”  I had to stop typing for a minute because right after I typed the title of the song, it came on the radio.  I got goose bumps!  It brought tears to my eyes because just today, I thought to myself that I haven’t heard from the Lord in the past few days.  As I started typing this chapter, I wanted to write down the words of the song, and thought it would be neat if the song came on the radio.  Another co-worker came into my office, and I knew he would be able to tell that I was crying, so I told him what happened.  He commented, “Ain’t that the Lord at His best.”

Jeremy Camp wrote a little bit about the song in the jacket cover of the WOW 2004 CD.  He wrote, “We all experience trials and tribulations in our lives, but the hope in the midst of them is that the Lord is always faithful.  2 Timothy 2:13 states, ‘If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown himself.’ “This song was written when I was facing a trial and could have either given up, or rested in the fact that the Lord would carry me through.  I had just lost my wife to a bout with cancer and finally laid it down before my Lord Jesus.  I just knew no matter what, I could still believe in His faithfulness.”

As I am about to start typing about the other song that has gotten me through, it came on the radio also.  I got goose bumps again!!  The title of the song is, “You Get Me.”  The song is written by ZOEGIRL.  Written in the jacket of the CD cover, “God is truly the only one who knows our thoughts before we think them.  He’s the only one who knew every day of our lives before we even took our first breath.  No one else but God could ever love us and accept us for who we are the way that He can.  He’s the only one who gets us.”

Camp, Jeremy. “I Still Believe.” WOW Hits 2004. Sparrow Records, Brentwood.

         2003.

ZOEGIRL. “You Get Me.” WOW Hits 2004. Sparrow Records, Brentwood.

               2003.

**There will be more posts before I post part II.