Get ‘er done (part I)

Dad sent the four girls an email tonight telling us he got his results back from the biopsy of his prostate.  One out of the nine samples came back positive.  On a scale of one to ten, his was a seven.  “For those not familiar with diagnostic methods, when a man is diagnosed with prostate cancer a needle biopsy procedure can often indicate how fast-growing the cancer is.  This rate of growth is given a number between 1 and 10 and is referred to as the ‘Gleason’ score or the ‘Gleason scale rating.’  1 on the Gleason scale indicates the slowest-growing type of prostate cancer and 10 indicates the fastest-growing type.  Typical prostate cancer Gleason ratings might be 3, 4, or 5.  Ratings of 7, 8, 9 or 10 are considered aggressive.”  He said he was getting a bone scan and CT scan Friday.  He mentioned it looks like surgery or some sort of radiation treatment.

First of all, I was trying to process the news and what exactly it meant before I talked to Dad.  I researched “prostate” and immediately it hit me, this was cancer.  Then my next thought was “survival rate.”  After I thought I had enough information, I called Dad.

I debated on whether or not to email him back or call.  I knew Dad did not like to open up and talk, but I thought emailing him back was so impersonal, especially concerning the topic.  I prayed before I called him because I did not want to say the wrong thing.  One of the biggest things I think I have learned though everything I have been though is the impact of words.  Words can encourage or destroy someone in a flash.  Most of the time, hurt feelings occur when the words are not thought about before they are spoken.  They are just blurted out without much preparation or thought of how the person receiving those words will hear them.  But, once said they cannot be taken back.  

I asked Dad a few questions.  He said he was going to deal with what he was dealt, and he would know the results on Monday.  As we talked, I did not want for there to be silence on my part.  I did not really know what to say.  Should I say, “I am praying for you?”  To me, that would show the need for urgency to pray at this particular point.

A billion things have run through my head tonight.  I thought about my kids, and how I don’t want them to know yet.  It is way too early, and there is still so much to find out.  I thought about Claudia.  I thought about me.  These last six years have been so extremely hard on me, and it is not going to get any better.  I take comfort in knowing God is still in control, and I have so much more to learn.

       U  Have you taken the time to pray before you speak about sensitive issues? U

U  Should you call or reply back to an email concerning someone’s prognosis? U

 

“What Men Need To Know about Prostate Cancer and PSA.” www.outsmartyourcancer.com/pdf/ProstateArticleForSite.pdf

Pressing forward (part III)

One night, we met Claudia at the bowling alley, ate dinner, and then bowled.  Dad couldn’t bowl because of his hurt shoulder, so he just watched.  I was being very honest with Claudia and told her my only concern was she had a good relationship with the Lord, and I told her I didn’t have to worry about that.  Dad had told me she wanted them to start a Bible study together.  She is a very good influence on Dad, and I see it being a very positive relationship for him.  I really like her a lot.

Before we left the bowling alley, Lauren invited Claudia over to watch a new kid’s movie she just got.  By the time we left, Dad said he and Claudia would watch their show they had taped, and the kids could watch theirs.  This broke Lauren’s heart.  She wanted Claudia to watch the movie with her.  Claudia, Lauren, and Ashton rode back to Dad’s in her car, and Dad and I rode together.  I told Dad Lauren was upset and asked if there was any way Claudia could watch the movie with Lauren.  Claudia did just that, and I know Lauren was happy.

U  If you are the new significant other, can you sacrifice personal time to be with the children/grandchildren?  U

The last day before we left, Dad, Lauren, Ashton, and I were headed to another of my favorite restaurants.  On the way there, Lauren asked if Claudia was coming.  I told Lauren she could call and invite her.  She called and Claudia said she would come if Lauren invited her.  Claudia decided to join us, but before she came, I told Dad he could take us on a cruise now.  Mom for some reason did not want all of us to go.  He said we could if it was just the girls, and he mentioned about Claudia possibly going too.  When Claudia arrived, Dad told me to tell Claudia what we were talking about.  I told her I was trying to get Dad to take the girls on a cruise.  He told me to tell her the other part.  I said, “I’m not going to tell her that, you tell her.”  He told her he said maybe if Claudia was still hanging around she could go too.  So…. Dad is looking into the future with her.

Claudia met the kids at the house and took Lauren, Ashton, and Kaitlin to the movies.  She dropped Kaitlin off at her house after the movie because she needed to get home then got some food for the kids and brought it back to the house. 

She got the kids a gift.  Ashton got some Match Box cars, and Lauren got a cute stationary set that included Claudia’s address in the address book, so Lauren could write her.  Claudia also put a picture of herself where she had written her address.  On the front of the holder, which held all the stationary items, she inserted a picture we had taken while we were on Jekyll.  She gave me a gift as well.  I opened it….it was an angel on her knees praying.  What a neat gift.  Later that evening, when we were all telling her goodbye, I asked her if Dad had told her Mom loved angels.  She said, “Now that you mentioned it, I think he did, but it was a long time ago.”  She had forgotten about it.  I thought it was neat, and the perfect gift.

U  Would a gift be an appropriate ice breaker for you to give when meeting the new significant other?  U

Claudia and I talked for a minute, and she mentioned how hard it must be on us.  I told her I had a lot of people praying for me, and it has helped a lot.  I told her I had to pray a lot before I met her, but everything was fine.  It was a great week; I had a few tears but did not really cry…..all because of prayer.

U  Are you accepting your loved one’s new significant other with open arms knowing the transition is difficult for them as well?  U

Confirmation

I got out a devotional my family had given to Mom on August 30^th, 2002 to celebrate her 60^th birthday.  Her devotional is another thing of Mom’s I truly cherish.  I started reading the devotional the first week of January 2004 because I finished my other devotion book.  This devotional seemed like it was just for me.

I was floored by the devotionals for January.  The title for January 7^th was “Thank You for Calling Me.”  The scripture was from Isaiah 43:10, “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.”  That scripture was enough in itself to blow me away.  The devotion stated, “Who am I?  Only one little insignificant person in this great world.”   

It is as though each thought I start having gets confirmed by reading this devotion and others.  This devotion spoke of the work the Lord had for me to do here on earth and about me wanting to tell everyone about all He has done for me.  The responsibilities He has put on me at times have seemed overwhelming through the process of writing and editing this book.

Mom did not write in the journal I gave her.  As I was flipping through it last week, I noticed she had highlighted March 30^th.  The title of the devotion was, “Passing the Test.”  Part of the devotion stated, “I felt tested to the limit, Lord, but through it all I knew You were there, helping, strengthening, and comforting me.  I don’t know why I had to struggle, but You knew the answers and I trusted You.”

If she did this devotion on March 30^th, she was going through things by herself before she told anyone.  That would be just like Mom to know there is something wrong and not tell us.

Thursday night, I was struggling to write my overview for the book.  It just wasn’t coming to me.  Friday morning, I asked the faculty at school again to pray for me to have wisdom.  During chapel, that morning, a student which normally leads our singing said a prayer.  During the prayer, he mentioned, “It will come.”  He was probably praying for the students to recall the material they studied, to me God was telling me it will come.  I sat down to type, and it came.  And as I was typing, the confirmation came as well.  While I was typing about Mom walking in faith, the song, “Walk by Faith,” by Jeremy Camp came on.  This song talks about walking by faith, so I included Mom walked by faith instead of in faith.  I have heard this song over and over along with, “Here with Me,” by Mercy Me, exactly when I needed to hear it. 

Saturday I took Ashton to his basketball game at a church.  During half-time a lady spoke about her testimony and how God uses “ordinary people to accomplish extraordinary things.”  She also spoke of it being for “His glory.”  Two more words of confirmation to me.

Before I went to church this past weekend, I prayed the Lord would speak to me through His word.  When I got in church, I noticed in the bulletin, the sermon was on stewardship.  I was disappointed and immediately thought to myself I wasn’t going to get anything about my book during the sermon.  Boy was I thankfully surprised!!  My pastor, Brother Bill, spoke of two main points about stewardship.  The points were to use our God-given resources for His glory and to minister to others.  Wow!!  These were the exact two reasons I feel the Lord had me write this book.

 

God answers prayer, maybe not the answer we want or when we want it, but He answers according to His will.

U  Are you learning to trust in Jesus even though He may not answer your prayers the way you want?  U

 Donihue, Anita Corrine. When I’m On My Knees Daily Devotional Journal.

            Uhrichsville:  Barbour Publishing, Inc., 2001. January 7 and March 30.

The laying on of hands

 

 

 The laying on of hands was a subject I knew very little about.  I talked with Nancy; she told me about a time she saw healing personally when her son touched a hot oven.  She prayed the burns would happen to her and not her son.  She took his hand and grabbed it as she prayed.  An outline of his hand burned onto hers.  His hand was completely healed.  She had also shared a story about her laying hands on one of her children.  As she prayed over them and laid hands on them, she felt a warmth go through her hands, and then they were healed.  I shared with her what had been happening lately with Mom.  She wrote me a note and told me that the Lord’s way to heal her may be to take her to Heaven to be with Him.  This was not the first time I had heard this.

Aunt Julie sent me the water from France, she also wrote a note stating Mom may not be healed physically.  She stated the water was no, “magic potion.” 

The same week at work, a teacher asked for our prayers during our prayer meeting because she was struggling with depression.  Our administrator felt we should gather around her and lay hands on her.  We laid hands on her, and in the four years I have been at the school, I do not recall us doing that before.

I went to Mom’s house Valentine’s weekend, the same week I received the water from Aunt Julie.  The trip down to her house was very peaceful.  While I was driving, something in my hand felt as though it popped.  I felt a tingling and warmth in my hand.  I continued to drive and prayed He was healing her.  It was weird.

A few other strange instances have happened, and I wondered if He was healing her at that time.  Once I was driving in my car, and my head started tingling all over for no reason.  Another time I was in my bed, I had my eyes closed and saw a bright flash of light.

I had been thinking a lot about not wanting anything to do with Mom being healed because I did not want to take any of the credit.  I continually prayed He would touch her and heal her or just speak and she would be healed.  I had not told Mom up until this point about anything I was going through.  I did not know how to even bring up the conversation.  I also did not want to get her hopes up high if God decided not to heal her.  This is where I doubted again.

Mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and I started to speak then paused.  She asked me what I was going to say.  I sat there trying not to cry because I did not want her to get upset.  I told her I needed a minute.  My eyes were beginning to fill with tears.  We both looked away to help me pull myself together.  Lauren and Ashton were playing in the adjacent room, and I did not want to have the conversation in front of them.  I asked her if we could go into her bedroom.  I walked her into her room and helped her sit on her bed.  I had the box that had the water in it.

I proceeded to tell her everything.  She said it would be okay to pray over her.  She said she believed in miracles.  I told her I felt inadequate about what to do or say concerning the laying on of hands.  I opened the bottle, poured some water into my hand, laid my hand on her, and said a prayer.  I did not feel any warmth go through my hands and as I opened my eyes, I looked up and she had not been healed.  What a blow!!  I had felt like a failure in many ways.  I had probably gotten Mom’s hopes up high and that hurt a lot.  I told her I had to do what I thought I was supposed to do.  I helped her back up and took her back into the den.  To end the conversation, she told me she would call me when it happened.  Holding back the tears I said, “I better be the first one that you call.”

While she sleeps

Putting Mom to bed was a feat in itself.  Dad would lay her down and adjust her body to the most comfortable position.  He would lift her arms and lay them on her body as she could not do so herself.  It was confusing at times when she would tell us to put her left arm on her right leg.  Usually we would be facing her, so it would be opposite of what we thought.  I would just giggle out loud and make light of the situation. 

When Mom would be sleeping at night, I would sneak into her room, lay hands on her, and ask God to heal her.  I did not want her to know I was in her room, so I would softly touch her as she slept.  This was something I was already doing, but I wanted to get the water from Aunt Julie and lay hands on her with the water.

U  Are you willing to accept it may not be God’s will to physically heal your loved one? U  

What was God trying to tell me? (part II)

 

The devotion book I am going through has a prayer at the bottom of the page.   On February 23^rd, the prayer stated, “Oh Lord, you have done many miracles for us.  Thank you that your plans are bigger than all of us put together!  How I praise you for your wonderful deeds!”

On this same night Paul read the kids their devotion, and it was concerning Jesus healing a blind man.  At the beginning of the devotion it read, “Are you willing to stand for something you know is true, even when you’re the only one standing for it?”  One thing I have to be very careful with is even though I have a lot of strong Christians telling me what they think, I have to have faith and believe.  I can’t take what they say, even though I hear it audibly, over what God keeps telling me.

Tonight, (February 24^th), I went to a FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) banquet.  Before the featured speaker spoke, the people involved with FCA were sharing what was happening with FCA in their schools.  One particular man spoke then told about his son and how he was healed of cancer one month after he had been diagnosed.  He spoke of the “great physician” and playing baseball with Lou Gehrig.

One way Mom could to be healed and would be a great testimony, would be for her to go to see the movie, The Passion, and for her to walk away from the movie healed.  I heard a deaf girl in the movie was healed on the set.  Just this morning, I overheard two students talking about the movie.  I did not hear the beginning of the conversation, but one student poked fun at the notion that people in wheelchairs aren’t going to just pop up and walk away from the movie.  I wanted to make a comment to him but did not.  If that is how God wants to draw people to Him, He can.  He can do whatever He wants, and I would love if that happened to Mom.

Jennifer is going to Mom’s house, and I told her I wanted her to take Mom to the movie.  It was my birthday Saturday, and I wanted her to take Mom to the movies as my birthday present. 

Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton: 

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. February 23.

Persegheti, Jackie. Caution:  Dangerous Devotions. Colorado Springs: 

Chariot Victor Publishing, 1995. 86.