Even in p.e. class / While I sleep

I was in my office, and I heard my co-worker call my name, and he told me to come here and hurry.  His class had come in and they were showing him their school play.  I sat down and watched in amazement.  The two skits they were showing us were about Jesus healing the men that had leprosy, and the other skit was about the men which lowered a man through the ceiling for Jesus to heal.

                                                  

While I sleep

I went to sleep praying for Mom to be healed and fell asleep.  I awoke having known I had been dreaming about her being healed.  There were tears in my eyes.

What’s next? (part II)

Jennifer called me again to ask me to call Dad because she forgot to tell him to pack her pillow.  She had called home so many times concerning taking Mom’s medicines and other things that she forgot to remind him.  She did not want him to get mad.  Since I was not at home and my cell phone went dead, she could not get in touch with me and called Jamie.  Jamie went over to Mom’s house and helped Dad pack her things since he would not know what to pack.

She said Mom has not been able to eat much for the past couple of days because she could not swallow well.  When Jennifer was at Mom’s house, Mom only ate about a cup of apple sauce and one-fourth of a banana.  She did not know if they would have to put her on fluids and help her get stronger before they did the surgery.

One of the frustrating things patients go through once they have had a trach is communicating their needs to their caregiver.  They can mouth the words, but sometimes it is hard to read someone’s lips when they are not used to doing so.  Jennifer suggested Mom meet with a therapist so she will know how to communicate better with us.  They can teach patients to blink once for no, two blinks for yes, or use flashcards, so they can communicate better.

U  Have you utilized resources such as speech, occupational, and physical therapists who can aid in improving the quality of life for your loved one?  U

Last night’s devotion again was very relevant.  I had read it the night before because it was February 29^th and there was not a devotion for that night.  The title was, “Calling with Confidence.”   The scripture the devotion comes from is Psalm 44: 23-24, 26, “Wake up, O Lord!  Why do you sleep?  Get up!  Do not reject us forever.  Why do you look the other way?  Why do you ignore our suffering and oppression?  Rise up!  Come and help us!  Save us because of your unfailing love.”  The devotion talked about us going through difficulties, and we too may also question God in the same manner.  We may feel the Lord may be looking the other way but to remember He will never let you down.

The prayer at the bottom stated, “Lord, thank you for your promised presence with me today.  Although my circumstances may seem overwhelming, I call to you with confidence because you are all powerful and you love me.  Come and help me!  Save me because of your unfailing love and help me experience you as my sure refuge.  I wait expectantly to see you move in a mighty way in my life today.” 

I do not in feel in any way that the Lord is asleep.  He has shown His face to me even in the clouds.  He is constantly reminding me He is going to heal her.  I just have to trust in which way He will heal her. 

U   Do you trust in God’s promise that He will never forsake you?  U

 Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton: 

    Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. March 1.

Doubting Thomas

During the next week, I really struggled a lot.  I knew the Lord was going to heal her, but I did not know in which way, physically or Him taking her to be with Him.  I don’t want Mom to pass away and the whole time I was expecting her to be healed physically.  I also do not want to be a doubting Thomas.

Get the picture?

The past few weeks have been difficult for me.  Patience was not so much what was so difficult, it was constantly being bombarded with being reminded of her being healed.  I guess I am looking at this negatively instead of positively.  Yes, the assurance is nice, and I guess it comes more frequently than I think I need. 

We went to the movies this past week, and the previews for upcoming movies were playing. The word HEALING came on the screen and underneath the caption was, “Coming in February.”

The scripture that comes to mind is Psalm 139: 1-6, “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.  You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”   I guess He knows if He told me once or twice I would not get the picture.

As I have been typing, the last couple of days, I have realized I do need the constant reassurance from Him.  I guess Satan likes to plant seeds of doubt.

"God can do it again!"

This particular day would turn out to be even harder.  Mom’s allergies had not been well lately, which made her have a lot of drainage.  She said the back of her throat was raw from all the drainage.  When she started coughing, I had to bring her a cup of water to try to settle her cough.  That didn’t always work, and I would have to get her a cough drop.  My sisters told me from their previous visits Mom started choking on her food.  Jennifer told me one time she thought she was going to have to do the Heimlich maneuver on Mom.

U  Do you know the Heimlich maneuver and CPR in case you need to use them?  U

That night as she was watching television, she started to have one of her coughing attacks.  Nothing seemed to work.  She leaned forward and dropped the cough drop out of her mouth.  She looked at me with despair and even though I tried not to panic, I did.  I saw she could not get her breath.  I looked to Dad that was sitting there the whole time, and I motioned for help.  He got up and lifted her up to walk outside on the porch so she could get cooled down.  She cooled down and got her breath.  She told me because I panicked, I made it worse.  That night before I went to bed, she apologized if she made me upset.  I don’t know if that conversation was brought on by Dad or not.

U   Are you remembering it is very important to your loved one for you to remain calm during stressful times?  U

I lay in bed that night going over all the events of the day and cried.  Another seed of doubt came into my mind.  I read my devotion for the night and the previous night’s devotion because I had not read it yet.  After I read both devotions, I skimmed through other devotions I had already done.  I stopped flipping through the book, and the book laid open to the devotion for February 2^nd.  I read the last few comments at the end of the page which read, “Write down one specific moment when God delivered you or gave you a miracle in some way, and thank him.  Then remind yourself that if God did it before, He can do it again!”  The title of the devotion was, “God Can Do It Again!”  That was all that I needed to read to sooth me and to give me reassurance.  I now had 110 % confidence He would heal Mom.  He was telling me to wait.  All I had to do was trust Him.

Before I left for the weekend, I decided to tell Dad briefly I thought Mom was going to be healed.  He listened and then replied, “We’re waiting.”  This in-depth answer, in a way surprised me a little.  My parents and I have never really had serious, in-depth conversations.  For example, when it came time for me to learn about the birds and the bees, they sent me to a weekend church retreat that was called, “Birds, Bees, Wees, and Human Sexualities.”

My parents don’t open up and talk about their emotions.  When we found out Mom was diagnosed with ALS, I became concerned.  I just did not think Mom would open up and share her feelings with Dad.  She had a lot of close friends, but I found out they “bounced” around bringing the subject up but did not discuss it directly.  So, I decided to write Mom a letter.  I sat on my front porch and poured my heart out to her.  It was a very difficult letter to write.  I told her I did not want her to bottle her feelings up and she can call me anytime to talk no matter the time.  She has not called yet, and I’m not expecting a phone call either.   

Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton:        Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. February 2.

The laying on of hands

 

 

 The laying on of hands was a subject I knew very little about.  I talked with Nancy; she told me about a time she saw healing personally when her son touched a hot oven.  She prayed the burns would happen to her and not her son.  She took his hand and grabbed it as she prayed.  An outline of his hand burned onto hers.  His hand was completely healed.  She had also shared a story about her laying hands on one of her children.  As she prayed over them and laid hands on them, she felt a warmth go through her hands, and then they were healed.  I shared with her what had been happening lately with Mom.  She wrote me a note and told me that the Lord’s way to heal her may be to take her to Heaven to be with Him.  This was not the first time I had heard this.

Aunt Julie sent me the water from France, she also wrote a note stating Mom may not be healed physically.  She stated the water was no, “magic potion.” 

The same week at work, a teacher asked for our prayers during our prayer meeting because she was struggling with depression.  Our administrator felt we should gather around her and lay hands on her.  We laid hands on her, and in the four years I have been at the school, I do not recall us doing that before.

I went to Mom’s house Valentine’s weekend, the same week I received the water from Aunt Julie.  The trip down to her house was very peaceful.  While I was driving, something in my hand felt as though it popped.  I felt a tingling and warmth in my hand.  I continued to drive and prayed He was healing her.  It was weird.

A few other strange instances have happened, and I wondered if He was healing her at that time.  Once I was driving in my car, and my head started tingling all over for no reason.  Another time I was in my bed, I had my eyes closed and saw a bright flash of light.

I had been thinking a lot about not wanting anything to do with Mom being healed because I did not want to take any of the credit.  I continually prayed He would touch her and heal her or just speak and she would be healed.  I had not told Mom up until this point about anything I was going through.  I did not know how to even bring up the conversation.  I also did not want to get her hopes up high if God decided not to heal her.  This is where I doubted again.

Mom and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and I started to speak then paused.  She asked me what I was going to say.  I sat there trying not to cry because I did not want her to get upset.  I told her I needed a minute.  My eyes were beginning to fill with tears.  We both looked away to help me pull myself together.  Lauren and Ashton were playing in the adjacent room, and I did not want to have the conversation in front of them.  I asked her if we could go into her bedroom.  I walked her into her room and helped her sit on her bed.  I had the box that had the water in it.

I proceeded to tell her everything.  She said it would be okay to pray over her.  She said she believed in miracles.  I told her I felt inadequate about what to do or say concerning the laying on of hands.  I opened the bottle, poured some water into my hand, laid my hand on her, and said a prayer.  I did not feel any warmth go through my hands and as I opened my eyes, I looked up and she had not been healed.  What a blow!!  I had felt like a failure in many ways.  I had probably gotten Mom’s hopes up high and that hurt a lot.  I told her I had to do what I thought I was supposed to do.  I helped her back up and took her back into the den.  To end the conversation, she told me she would call me when it happened.  Holding back the tears I said, “I better be the first one that you call.”

While she sleeps

Putting Mom to bed was a feat in itself.  Dad would lay her down and adjust her body to the most comfortable position.  He would lift her arms and lay them on her body as she could not do so herself.  It was confusing at times when she would tell us to put her left arm on her right leg.  Usually we would be facing her, so it would be opposite of what we thought.  I would just giggle out loud and make light of the situation. 

When Mom would be sleeping at night, I would sneak into her room, lay hands on her, and ask God to heal her.  I did not want her to know I was in her room, so I would softly touch her as she slept.  This was something I was already doing, but I wanted to get the water from Aunt Julie and lay hands on her with the water.

U  Are you willing to accept it may not be God’s will to physically heal your loved one? U  

What was God trying to tell me? (part II)

 

The devotion book I am going through has a prayer at the bottom of the page.   On February 23^rd, the prayer stated, “Oh Lord, you have done many miracles for us.  Thank you that your plans are bigger than all of us put together!  How I praise you for your wonderful deeds!”

On this same night Paul read the kids their devotion, and it was concerning Jesus healing a blind man.  At the beginning of the devotion it read, “Are you willing to stand for something you know is true, even when you’re the only one standing for it?”  One thing I have to be very careful with is even though I have a lot of strong Christians telling me what they think, I have to have faith and believe.  I can’t take what they say, even though I hear it audibly, over what God keeps telling me.

Tonight, (February 24^th), I went to a FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) banquet.  Before the featured speaker spoke, the people involved with FCA were sharing what was happening with FCA in their schools.  One particular man spoke then told about his son and how he was healed of cancer one month after he had been diagnosed.  He spoke of the “great physician” and playing baseball with Lou Gehrig.

One way Mom could to be healed and would be a great testimony, would be for her to go to see the movie, The Passion, and for her to walk away from the movie healed.  I heard a deaf girl in the movie was healed on the set.  Just this morning, I overheard two students talking about the movie.  I did not hear the beginning of the conversation, but one student poked fun at the notion that people in wheelchairs aren’t going to just pop up and walk away from the movie.  I wanted to make a comment to him but did not.  If that is how God wants to draw people to Him, He can.  He can do whatever He wants, and I would love if that happened to Mom.

Jennifer is going to Mom’s house, and I told her I wanted her to take Mom to the movie.  It was my birthday Saturday, and I wanted her to take Mom to the movies as my birthday present. 

Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton: 

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. February 23.

Persegheti, Jackie. Caution:  Dangerous Devotions. Colorado Springs: 

Chariot Victor Publishing, 1995. 86.

Impressed to write down my thoughts

The week of February 16^th was when I was impressed to write down my thoughts.  I don’t know why or for what reason, but I am again doing what I think I am supposed to do.  The night before I started writing, I read my devotion for the night.  The title of the devotion was, “Share your story.”  One of the last statements written on the page read, “Today, ask the Lord to give you the courage and power to share your story and proclaim the Good News to those you live and work with.”

The night I started typing, the title of the devotion was, “Just trust me.”  Again, I sobbed.  I even picked up Paul’s cell phone and turned it on believing Mom may call and tell me she was healed.  The phone never rang.  One of the statements written in the devotion were, “…no one had hope for Jairus’s daughter.”  That is what I feel some people think about Mom, there is no hope….that the best thing would be for the disease to progress quickly, so she will not have to suffer.  Jesus commanded Jairus’s daughter, “Get up, little girl!” (Mark 5:40)  I wish God would say those powerful words to Mom.

I jotted down a few words that reminded me of things I wanted to write about.  I did not know where to start and what to say first, so I just started typing.  I could write an entire book on all the situations in which the Lord was telling me He was going to heal her.

Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton:

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. February 20, 21.

U  What is the Lord possibly prompting you to do?  U

U   Are you having a daily quiet time to help you get through?  U

The kid’s devotions

Lauren and Ashton’s devotion book has been amazing.  There is a series of devotion books we normally get, but when I went to get the next one, the store had sold out.  I got them a new one in January, but it was not the one I wanted.  I don’t view me getting this particular devotion book by happenstance. 

I decided to go back and see how many previous devotions we had already read concerning healings and miracles.  One was from the book of Matthew.  Most of the devotions came from the book of Mark, which shows many of Jesus’ miracles, and a few from Luke.

Out of the twenty-two stories we have read so far, twelve of them have dealt with healing.  Many other things around us also pointed to healing and miracles.  My kids told me their Sunday school lessons concerned healing.

Seeds of doubt

 

There have been a few times I have had doubt.  Maybe I am imagining what I wanted to happen instead of what God was telling me.  One night as I was riding home from work, I was thinking about Mom, and a seed of doubt came into my mind.  I quickly dismissed it.  When I looked up, I saw a truck sitting at the red light in front of me.  On the tailgate, where one would usually see the word TOYOTA, the word JESUS was written out in white tape.  That one thing was all the words of affirmation I needed.

What was God trying to tell me? (part l)

Since the middle of January, I felt as though God was trying to tell me He was going to answer my prayer and heal her.  For the first few weeks, I cannot remember the exact details of why I thought He would.  Then I was bombarded with situation after situation all pointing to her being healed.  I went to an ACSI (Association of Christian School International) teacher’s conference in North Carolina, January 29-31, 2004.  I had been telling a few fellow teachers about me getting swamped with hints of Mom getting healed.

                        

I finished my classes for the day and retreated to my hotel room.  That night, as I was trying to do my devotion, my roommate was flipping through the channels and stopped on a story about someone that had a miracle happen in their life.  I watched the show with her.  It was concerning a man who was very sick and needed a bone marrow transplant.  The doctors mentioned several times about miracles taking place.

I pondered these things in my mind, finished my devotion, and went to bed.  The scripture I read before I went to bed was, “Some children were brought to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them.  The disciples told them not to bother him.  But Jesus said, ‘Let the children come to me.  Don’t stop them!  For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.’ And he put his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.”  Matthew 19: 13-15.   

                        

The next morning we attended a general session with at least a thousand other Christian school teachers. A few other teachers from our school sat with me during the session. The keynote speaker gave his address and chose a scripture to quote.  He quoted the scripture found in Mark 1 concerning Jesus healing the man with leprosy.  I got choked up and started to cry.  So did Nancy (our Media Specialist at our school and my prayer partner) which was sitting next to me.  Just the night before, I had told them what I thought God was trying to tell me about Mom being healed.

 

On my break, I went to my hotel room, and called Aunt Julie (Mom’s sister).  She is a wonderful Christian woman.  I told her what was on my heart.  She said when she was in France she got some water from a river that flowed through France.  Thousands of people go there to hopefully get healed each year.  The legend says that Mary, mother of Jesus, was there and great healing happened among the children.  She told me she would send me some of the water.

**There will be more posts before part II is posted.

Christian brothers and sisters

Mom and Dad raised four girls, taking all of us to church.  They are still actively attending today.  When Mom got sick Christian brothers and sisters jumped in to help.  Tom, from their Sunday school class, coordinated people to cut their grass.

 

Every Monday someone from their Sunday school class brings them a meal.  Wednesday night they bring the church supper, and Thursday night another person brings them food as well.  On several occasions, when I was visiting Mom, someone would call and just ask her if they could bring some food.  The last time I visited, a lady knew how much Mom loved a particular restaurant’s seafood, so she went to the restaurant and brought her some.  Betty, a lady in Mom’s Sunday school class, schedules all the meals, and visits as well.  Mom told me a ninety year old man from the church loves to visit people, and he was coming over to visit her.  She even told me he took her to the doctor’s office one day.

 

U  Can you volunteer to take a friend or loved one to the doctor?  U

 

 

During my Sunday school class, I asked the class to pray for Mom and told them I felt the Lord was going to heal her.  I started to cry.  Someone came over to me and started to pray for me.  This is what Christ is all about, loving and serving one another.  I have seen this first hand from Christian brothers and sisters.

U      How are you using your God given talents, resources, abilities, and gifts to serve a friend or loved one?  U

U      Would you be willing to coordinate visits and meals for someone?  U

"Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone especially to our Christian brothers and sisters."   Galatians 6:10  

Bring it on!!!!

 

I thought Mom would enjoy Lauren and Ashton sending her cards each week.  I knew Dad, or whichever sister was visiting her, would have to open the card for her to read.  The one message that has been prominent in my children’s letters is Mom getting healed.  Mom has been keeping their letters and cards.  In one letter, Lauren told Mom she prayed each night for the Lord to heal her.  Jennifer read this particular letter to Mom and she said, “Bring it on!”  This was a funny statement Jennifer said came from Mom.  She would not typically make a statement like that.

For years, Mom has sent the kids things in the mail about once a month.  Ashton especially anticipates the letters and gets very excited when he receives them.  She will send them various things:  the kid’s section in the Wednesday’s paper, a section of the paper about a particular subject they would like, a Sunday school bulletin, stickers, but the best thing is the dollar bill she puts in there.  The last time I was at Mom’s house, my sisters and I helped put together the envelopes to all the grandkids so Mom could just drop them in the mail.  In return, I wanted them to write her each week.   
     

U      In what way can your children/grandchildren be asked to minister to your loved one?  U

Praying for Mom to be healed

I had been praying for quite some time for Mom to be healed.  I felt as though I was all alone in this endeavor.  Through telephone conversations with my sisters, I found out they felt God was answering prayer by taking her life early so she would not have to suffer.