Being a servant

 

I wanted to minister to my friend, and the only way I knew how was to serve her. I cleaned my sister's house after her newborn son passed away, and I knew cleaning house was not high on my friend's priority list. 

    I went over to her house twice within the last week to see if I could persuade her to let me clean her house.  She did not know I was coming either time. As I was pulling into her driveway the first time I went to her house, another car was also pulling in. It was the middle school pastor and his family. When I got to her back door, her husband greeted us. I asked him if I was intruding on anything. He told me they were going to see their son’s truck and get his stuff out of it. The pastor was going with them and his wife and kids were staying at their house to watch over Grandmother.

     I told my friend that I wanted to minister to her, and I brought my million dollar vacuum to clean their house.  So while they were gone, I began vacuuming their house. I asked her before she left if she wanted me to do her son’s room. She said it was okay.  When I got to her son’s room, I thought about the words on the song “We Are Standing on Holy Ground.” Not that it was Holy ground, but I was trying to be respectful while being in his room. I can’t really put it into words how I was feeling.  On his desk were a lot of thing….his name tag from work, a graduation card, and graduation pictures.

    They came back from seeing his truck. She said it was hard, but both she and her husband commented that seeing the truck helped them to understand things better. The door frame and windshield had bucked in near the headrest which caused their son’s fatal head and neck injuries.

    I wanted to clean more, but I needed to help Aunt June.  I told her to call me. I knew she probably wouldn’t. This thought got reconfirmed when I read a lady’s blog this week. The lady wrote about things not to say to someone who has lost a loved one. This lady knew this all too well because she also lost her son. She didn’t want people to say to call if they needed anything. What she meant by this statement was instead of leaving a message saying that they were here, for them to actually show up to the door and be here. She was saying to follow up with our words.

The Visitation (part I)

I haven’t gone to a service where the ushers sat you because so many people stood in line. As the line shortened, they moved a few rows of seated people to the line of people standing. The pews were almost full when we approached the front of the line. Many students from his school were there, as were many older people.

As we entered the room where the family was, our church’s high school minister stood in the doorway. 

“Are you the official door greeter?” I asked.

He chuckled.

“I’ve never had a student die. It’s been hard.” 

He went to the Nathan’s house and prayed with Nathan’s dad.

“I prayed three words and couldn’t pray anything else,” he said. 

"I have been praying for the students coming to the service.”

"There are so many people praying.” 

“I don’t know if I will be able to articulate what I needed to say during the service.” 

“You will do fine.” 

Easter weekend (part I)

Before Mom passed away, Joann and I had planned to visit Mom and Dad Easter weekend.  We thought it would be best if everyone still got together and visited Dad.  Dad asked me if we were going to keep the same schedule of visiting.  I told him I thought so. 

Joann had called me earlier in the week and told me coming home was harder than she thought.  She said she cried all day.  She had been at Dad’s house the whole week because it was her spring break.  I started praying to help prepare before I went home.

Aunt Julie called Wednesday night.  We had both prayed that day for the Lord to use us.  I wrote her a card earlier this week telling her I was sorry I had not ministered to her.  I used one of the cards I was going to send to Mom.  It was perfect, and I told her how I was feeling.

She was going through two things; Mom dying and putting Ralph (her husband) in the nursing home.  When she would tell me about Ralph, I wouldn’t say anything because I was absorbed in dealing with Mom passing away.

 

U  Is there someone else besides yourself that needs ministering to, but things in your world have been too hectic to notice?  U

When I got to Dad’s house, I really was not ready to just jump in and start doing projects.  I don’t know why, I guess I just needed some time.  There were a lot of thank you notes to write.  Jennifer was not going to be able to come because Juliette, her daughter, was sick with a fever.

U  Are there thank you notes you can help write?  U

U  Have you thought about sending your loved one’s caregiver a card/letter/gift thanking them for all they have done?  U 

I don’t want to know anymore (part I)

 

One of the hard things concerning Mom’s health worsening is what exactly I should tell my children.  I had just told them about the feeding tube and if she was in the hospital they may not be able to see her.  Ashton told me I could videotape her then show him the tape so he could see her. 

We read the kids their devotion tonight, and the story was about Sapphira and Ananias being deceitful.  The result was they both died.  Afterward, Lauren asked to see the devotion book.  She took the book and looked over it for a few minutes.  She said she did not like the devotion because it reminded her of Granny (because they had died).  When I went into her room to tell her goodnight I wanted to update her on Mom’s condition and prepare her for the upcoming week.  When I started speaking she replied, “I don’t want to know anymore.”  She knew it wasn’t going to be good news and would rather block it out instead of hearing what I had to say.

U   Have you put careful thought into telling children information about the loved one?  U

U  Are you being careful not to bring up conversations about the loved one around a sensitive child?   U

I talked with Joann today so I would know all the ins and outs about Mom.  She said Mom had not left the house since she got back from the hospital.  Mom now has a hospital bed at the house and uses a different room to sleep in.  The room has Mom’s bed, Dad’s single bed, and a few chairs for the visitors that come to see her.  A few people from Mom’s church came over today and did a short Sunday school lesson and sang a few songs.  Jamie told me the people from Mom’s church “were loving on her”.  She said someone had manicured Dad’s front lawn while they were gone.  One morning, Dad went to get the paper to notice someone had already gotten it for them and also dropped off some Danishes at the back door.

Joann said Mom basically stays in her pajamas when people come over to see her.  Joann went through Mom’s pajamas and threw out the old and yucky ones.   She bought her some new ones Mom could wear as visitors came by.  She even offered to get her dressed to wheel her around the block, but Mom did not get out.  I asked her if Mom went to church.  When Jamie asked Mom if they were going to church, Mom responded in a way that sounded as if it was not an option.  She said Mom has never taken her wheelchair into church, so she did not know if Mom was embarrassed or what.  My goal this weekend is to get Mom out of the house.  I want to build up her time out of the house, so she may consider going to see, The Passion, with me.

Note:  Photo by my daughter Lauren Glenn.

Christian brothers and sisters

Mom and Dad raised four girls, taking all of us to church.  They are still actively attending today.  When Mom got sick Christian brothers and sisters jumped in to help.  Tom, from their Sunday school class, coordinated people to cut their grass.

 

Every Monday someone from their Sunday school class brings them a meal.  Wednesday night they bring the church supper, and Thursday night another person brings them food as well.  On several occasions, when I was visiting Mom, someone would call and just ask her if they could bring some food.  The last time I visited, a lady knew how much Mom loved a particular restaurant’s seafood, so she went to the restaurant and brought her some.  Betty, a lady in Mom’s Sunday school class, schedules all the meals, and visits as well.  Mom told me a ninety year old man from the church loves to visit people, and he was coming over to visit her.  She even told me he took her to the doctor’s office one day.

 

U  Can you volunteer to take a friend or loved one to the doctor?  U

 

 

During my Sunday school class, I asked the class to pray for Mom and told them I felt the Lord was going to heal her.  I started to cry.  Someone came over to me and started to pray for me.  This is what Christ is all about, loving and serving one another.  I have seen this first hand from Christian brothers and sisters.

U      How are you using your God given talents, resources, abilities, and gifts to serve a friend or loved one?  U

U      Would you be willing to coordinate visits and meals for someone?  U

"Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone especially to our Christian brothers and sisters."   Galatians 6:10  

Bring it on!!!!

 

I thought Mom would enjoy Lauren and Ashton sending her cards each week.  I knew Dad, or whichever sister was visiting her, would have to open the card for her to read.  The one message that has been prominent in my children’s letters is Mom getting healed.  Mom has been keeping their letters and cards.  In one letter, Lauren told Mom she prayed each night for the Lord to heal her.  Jennifer read this particular letter to Mom and she said, “Bring it on!”  This was a funny statement Jennifer said came from Mom.  She would not typically make a statement like that.

For years, Mom has sent the kids things in the mail about once a month.  Ashton especially anticipates the letters and gets very excited when he receives them.  She will send them various things:  the kid’s section in the Wednesday’s paper, a section of the paper about a particular subject they would like, a Sunday school bulletin, stickers, but the best thing is the dollar bill she puts in there.  The last time I was at Mom’s house, my sisters and I helped put together the envelopes to all the grandkids so Mom could just drop them in the mail.  In return, I wanted them to write her each week.   
     

U      In what way can your children/grandchildren be asked to minister to your loved one?  U