Being a servant

 

I wanted to minister to my friend, and the only way I knew how was to serve her. I cleaned my sister's house after her newborn son passed away, and I knew cleaning house was not high on my friend's priority list. 

    I went over to her house twice within the last week to see if I could persuade her to let me clean her house.  She did not know I was coming either time. As I was pulling into her driveway the first time I went to her house, another car was also pulling in. It was the middle school pastor and his family. When I got to her back door, her husband greeted us. I asked him if I was intruding on anything. He told me they were going to see their son’s truck and get his stuff out of it. The pastor was going with them and his wife and kids were staying at their house to watch over Grandmother.

     I told my friend that I wanted to minister to her, and I brought my million dollar vacuum to clean their house.  So while they were gone, I began vacuuming their house. I asked her before she left if she wanted me to do her son’s room. She said it was okay.  When I got to her son’s room, I thought about the words on the song “We Are Standing on Holy Ground.” Not that it was Holy ground, but I was trying to be respectful while being in his room. I can’t really put it into words how I was feeling.  On his desk were a lot of thing….his name tag from work, a graduation card, and graduation pictures.

    They came back from seeing his truck. She said it was hard, but both she and her husband commented that seeing the truck helped them to understand things better. The door frame and windshield had bucked in near the headrest which caused their son’s fatal head and neck injuries.

    I wanted to clean more, but I needed to help Aunt June.  I told her to call me. I knew she probably wouldn’t. This thought got reconfirmed when I read a lady’s blog this week. The lady wrote about things not to say to someone who has lost a loved one. This lady knew this all too well because she also lost her son. She didn’t want people to say to call if they needed anything. What she meant by this statement was instead of leaving a message saying that they were here, for them to actually show up to the door and be here. She was saying to follow up with our words.

A special devotion

I went to Shari’s house to drop off my devotion book and a sympathy card.

“People at the funeral home told me many neat things I hadn't known about Nathan. Several people said Nathan was the only person who would speak to their child. Another person said he stopped to tutor a child while he was out riding his bike,” she said.

Nathan was a servant and wanted to avoid being in the spotlight. There were so many people at the visitation. It was supposed to be from 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., but she left a few minutes before midnight.

Nathan's Funeral

The next day was the funeral. I prayed for grace, peace, and mercy for the family and people to come to know Christ during the funeral. It was neat to see all the people there. Nathan’s life had touched many people. There were a lot of students from several schools. Several pastors spoke, including the children’s, middle school, high school, and senior pastor. 

I did not know Nathan well, so my grief was different. My grief was for Shari and what she and her family were going through; it was real, nonetheless. It made me think of believers as the body of Christ.

 

“If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad” (1 Corinthians 12:26, NLT).

The visitation (part II)

 

Shari and her husband were standing at the head of Nathan’s casket.

“Can you imagine if that were your son?” A lady behind me asked.

“No, I can’t.” 

As I approached Nathan's casket, I noticed he was wearing a trendy rubber bracelet imprinted with the words “CLASS OF 2013.”

I hugged Shari and gave her my condolences. 

“Thank you for the flowers.” 

“You are welcome.” 

“I think of you when I look at them.”

“I woke at four in the morning ... “ 

My throat clamped shut like a vice grip, and I couldn’t utter another word. I put my hands together to symbolize prayer, began crying, and finally expressed what I was trying to say.

  

“I stayed awake until 5:00 a.m.”

 

“I am glad because that was when I needed prayer.”

We’ve been in the same Sunday school class for over ten years and have endured many rough times. I hugged her husband and spoke to him.

“I have something for you,” he said.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a mint. We laughed because I brought mints to Sunday school to share.

The Visitation (part I)

I haven’t gone to a service where the ushers sat you because so many people stood in line. As the line shortened, they moved a few rows of seated people to the line of people standing. The pews were almost full when we approached the front of the line. Many students from his school were there, as were many older people.

As we entered the room where the family was, our church’s high school minister stood in the doorway. 

“Are you the official door greeter?” I asked.

He chuckled.

“I’ve never had a student die. It’s been hard.” 

He went to the Nathan’s house and prayed with Nathan’s dad.

“I prayed three words and couldn’t pray anything else,” he said. 

"I have been praying for the students coming to the service.”

"There are so many people praying.” 

“I don’t know if I will be able to articulate what I needed to say during the service.” 

“You will do fine.” 

Struck a Chord

Nathan's death struck a chord. I guess it’s because Ashton is Nathan’s age, but I also grieved for them. I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. 

One day, I woke around 4 a.m. and prayed for a long time. The kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died. Could it have been for his classmates to hear about Jesus? 

One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died, but maybe it was for his classmates to hear about Jesus. 

     One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

     What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

 

 

"Just like that (part II)"

I arrived around 5:00 p.m. Shari stood in the front yard talking to our music minister. We embraced.

“Can you believe this is happening?” 

Ishook my head. “No.”

Shari has been through a lot over the years. Her parents passed away—and her brother has prostate cancer. I was quiet and listened as she mentioned Nathan’s actions the day he died and the details of the wreck. Her strength was incredible.

We went inside and talked. 

“I’m thankful for the family vacation we took last summer. We took a three-week trip and traveled in an RV. Nathan put together a DVD of their journey and added music.”

They played the DVD, so I watched part of it. I talked to family members before leaving.

It was 7:00 p.m. when I left. Paul had already eaten, so I got dinner for Ashton and myself. Of course, I wanted to eat with Ashton after a rough night. Still, I had difficulty sitting at the table without crying. I felt terrible because I could hug Ashton, but Shari could not hug Nathan. I went to the bathroom because I did not want to cry in front of him. I made it through dinner with a tear or two, but I don’t think he noticed.

I went to bed early to cry—I burst into tear and cried so hard my face hurt.

 U  We don’t know our last day on earth. Are we living as though we are?  U

"Just Like That"

The phrase "just like that" came to mind several times when my friend Shari’s 18-year-old son, Nathan, was killed in a wreck on August 11, 2013. Shari and her husband attend our Sunday School class. We usually sit together and enjoy talking before class.

I did not know him personally, but he was an intelligent young man—talented in technology. He had volunteered at church and various places with lights and sound. He was set to start college the following week.

He spent much of the day at church functions. That evening, after taking his girlfriend home, his truck veered into a ditch and hit a culvert. The vehicle overturned, and he suffered fatal injuries.

Paul told me about his death while I was driving to Aunt June’s. I was near Shari’s house, made a U-turn, and altered my plans. Aunt June reassured me that it would be okay.

Their home was flooded with people when I arrived, but Nathan’s parents were at the funeral home. I stayed briefly because it could be long before they came home—they had many decisions to make.

After leaving their house, I helped Aunt June by going to the grocery store. I stopped in my tracks while passing the flower section because the flowers were stunning. I bought a bouquet for Shari.

I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy throughout the day. My prayers changed when I returned to their house that afternoon. I prayed for the Lord to grant me abundant strength.

Afterword (part IV)

Mom loved Jesus with all of her heart. Aunt Julie said our Christian legacy goes back a long way. Our family legacy won’t get us into Heaven. Each person has to make a personal decision to ask Jesus to be their personal Lord and Savior.

We are that house. Christ needs to be our foundation because the winds will blow and beat upon our house. Life is tough. Therefore, we need Jesus so that when the storms of life come, we will stand firm. 

 

U  How will you do things differently? Have you learn from my mistakes?  U

U  If you have a family member, friend, or loved one who is dying, can you tell them the wonderful things you want to say?  U

U  If you are terminally ill or dying, will you let your family members tell you everything they wish?  U

 

    “Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24, NLT).

 

“Let this be recorded for future generations, so that a people not yet born will praise the LORD” (Psalm 102:18, NLT).

Afterword (part I)

 

 

Only God knows the true intent of this book. Early on, I felt bombarded through sermons as though Jesus was speaking to me about publishing this book. In one sermon I heard, Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat and pushed the boat into the water. Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch anything. Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5, NIV). He cast his nets, which were so full of fish, the nets were breaking. Another boat came—they filled both boats and they started sinking.

 

This book was written because I obeyed the Lord. 

Because You say so, Lord, I will.

God has accomplished His will in ways I’ll never know.

It was not the Lord’s will to physically heal Mom, so I was with my journal not knowing what to do. I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students to pray for the Lord’s wisdom. 

The answer has been clear. Walk by Faith Through Death:  Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death and Terminal Illness was written for His honor and glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. The book will minister to people going through the death of a friend, loved one, or someone with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to mask specific issues. I wanted you to see the whole picture. If I our hid problems, you would not glean helpful information. 

I have omitted specific comments made by family members to avoid upsetting them. I did not want to step on anyone’s toes. All family members aren’t mentioned by name because there are too many names for you to remember. I have tried to be careful about what information should be included and removed what was unnecessary.  

The final chapter

Writing and editing this book was difficult, as it brought many tears and sad moments because I had to relive her death over and over again. During her illness, I had to walk by faith and depend on the Lord to see me through. I rejoice because Momma is in Heaven, and hopefully, this book has helped you.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind is my favorite verse: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT). This verse has helped me through difficult times, reminding me God is still in control and loves us.

I prayed and asked the Lord to write every word He wanted in this book and remove every word He didn’t want. Stories in the Face of Death:  Confronting 264 Challenging Questions Surrounding Death and Terminal Illness is His book. He placed this message on my heart.

I’ve told my sisters and friends I am just a P.E. teacher—writing a book is out of the box. 

The book Can One Person Make A Difference? states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks. He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips. If God is in it, anything is possible!” 

Satan tries to convince me I can’t do anything. He has harassed the dickens out of me and would love that I not do the Lord’s will, but my God is greater.

I am honored the Lord chosen me to do this work, and I am excited about what He will do. 

Momma was a wonderful person. Even though she isn’t here, she lives on in my family’s memories and hearts. She did leave the house . . . to go to Heaven. I can’t imagine how big her smile is now.

As I envision Mom in Heaven, I wonder what the Lord assigned her to do. Maybe your holding your brother’s hand as you walk the streets of gold or you’re playing tag with the children in the open fields—probably both and more. Maybe you’re among the kids playing with shaving cream? Perhaps you have the title of Youth Director. Whatever it is, she will be serving others.

 

The same God who walked with me by faith is the same God who will walk with you too. He will see you through. Many blessings! ~ Judy

U  WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?  U

U CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?  U

“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God” (Acts 20:24, NLT).