A special devotion

I went to Shari’s house to drop off my devotion book and a sympathy card.

“People at the funeral home told me many neat things I hadn't known about Nathan. Several people said Nathan was the only person who would speak to their child. Another person said he stopped to tutor a child while he was out riding his bike,” she said.

Nathan was a servant and wanted to avoid being in the spotlight. There were so many people at the visitation. It was supposed to be from 5:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m., but she left a few minutes before midnight.

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part IV)

We discussed the details at the funeral home. Evelyn brought a list of notes my father-in-law, Tom, had written to include in the obituary. 

Tom is a veteran who served as a tank commander in Korea. He loves and esteems all people, whether they were janitors or held lofty positions. He answers to Papa by the grands.

Uncle Jim’s family decided to conduct the graveside funeral themselves in Ila, Georgia, with only family and close friends in attendance. Tom will dig a small hole for the urn the day before. 

The memorial service will take place at his church after the burial, followed by a reception for friends in the fellowship hall. Instead of bringing flowers, people can donate to his church, Chapelwood United Methodist Church. 

I am unsure whether to give flowers or donate to the church, as they requested. Kimberly wanted all white flowers, so I got a lovely bouquet to take to the burial site before anyone arrived. It will be nice for the family to see flowers when they arrive. 

We went to Evelyn's for dinner, and I took the flowers for everyone to enjoy.

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part III)

Beth's husband came into town. He stood outside by the garage at the bottom of the steep hill. I wanted to tell him about the difficult times ahead and help him decide what to say to Beth. 

He lifted his hand to his mouth.

”You don't know … how much it meant to me that you were there for Beth while I was out of town.”

“It was a privilege to be there to minister to everyone.”

 

Uncle Jim chose cremation with no public viewing. A cousin of Paul’s wanted to see Uncle Jim privately at the funeral home to say her goodbyes.

Aunt June hesitated with the idea.

“Mom, it was important for people to be able to see him if they wanted to,” Beth said. 

“I don’t want to go,” Kimberly said.

A few family members gathered informally at the funeral home the following day. 

“We do not need a casket to view his body since he will be cremated,” Beth said. 

“I don’t want y’all to be surprised and wanted you to know Uncle Jim is lying on a table with a sheet to his chest,” a lady said.

She opened the door, and we stepped into the room. Immediately, saw him lying on a metal table in a small space with a few cabinets—this room was typically used to apply makeup to the deceased. The atmosphere felt sterile, but that did not stop us from sharing warm family memories as we gathered around him.

We said our goodbyes, and I kissed him on the forehead. I wanted to be the last to leave. 

As I closed the door, I glanced back and said, ”I’ll see you in Heaven.”

Her funeral (part I)

I had asked each one of my kids if they wanted to see Granny at the funeral home before they buried her.  I told them she would have makeup on, and she would look pretty.  They both said they did.

We all had the jewelry Mom had left for us.  Lauren and I wore a necklace of Moms, and Ashton had a silver cross in his pocket.

The family met early, and we went into the chapel to see her.  I stood by Lauren and Ashton as they looked into the casket.  I told them they could say anything to her or hug her if they wanted, but she was not there.  Lauren kissed her, but I forgot to mention to her that she would be cold.  She kissed her and pulled back a little, but did not say anything.  I said to Mom, “I love you Granny.”  I wish I had said, “I love you Mom.”  They gathered the family in a separate room and started seating people.

Aunt Julie came up to me and said Ashton wanted to go back to see her one more time.  It was almost a quarter till and that was when they were going to close the casket.  I walked with him quickly past all the people in the rear of the chapel.  It was crowded because there were no more seats, and they were starting to get out chairs.  Ashton and I walked down the aisle as everyone was already seated.  We walked up to the casket once again.  He hugged her and kissed her on the edge of her hair.  I told him to kiss her there.  I did not want him to see she was cold.  I told her, “I love you Mom.”  I am glad I got a chance to say that.  The hardest part was walking back down the aisle in front of all those people.  People were standing in the vestibule because there weren’t enough seats.

U Are you keenly listening to the wishes of the children/grandchildren?  (They may not get another chance.)  U

 U Have you prepared the children/grandchildren by reminding them to kiss their deceased loved one on the hair?  U

When we got back to where the family was gathered, Jim was there.  He said a prayer, and then we were ushered into the chapel.  I wanted an audiotape of the funeral service and asked them to do that for me, but I also wanted a videotape of the service as well.  Dad happened to have a tripod in the attic, and I had it set up before the service began. 

The viewing

 

My sisters and I went to the funeral home early, so we could get all of the pictures arranged.  When we first got there we discussed whether we wanted to see Mom first or to do the pictures.  I agreed I wanted to do the pictures first, but as I thought about it….I wanted to see Mom.  I wanted to be alone with her and talk with her.  I talked with the people at the funeral home, and they kind of wanted for us to wait until Dad got there.  Then I think they wanted me to not go in alone.  I told them that was what I wanted.

I walked up to the casket and saw her.  She looked beautiful.  It had been a long time since I had seen her all dressed up and with makeup on.  The last time was on Valentine’s Day weekend.  I enjoyed spending time alone with her.  As I leaned over her, a tear fell from my eye onto her dress.  Even though she could not hear me, I had a conversation with her.  I told her how she was a great mom.

Her Bible was laying opened on the casket to the 23^rd Psalm,

“The Lord is my shepherd;

   I shall lack nothing.

  He makes me lie down in

   green pastures,

he leads me beside quiet

   waters,

  he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of

   righteousness

  for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk

  through the valley of the

   shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

  for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

  they comfort me.

You prepare a table before

   me

  in the presence of my

   enemies.

You anoint my head with

   oil;

  my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love

   will follow me

  all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house

   of the Lord

  forever.”  

There was a spray of flowers on her casket.  Mom did not want the flowers that way.  She wanted five single roses all gathered together.  One stood for each daughter and one for Dad.  We added a few other flowers to it.  One different colored rose for each grandchild and a tiny bud which represented her grandchild that was not born yet.  We asked the florist to fix the flowers, and when they brought the flowers back, they were bundled together with a pretty white ribbon.  Dad was still not satisfied, so Aunt Julie told me we should take them into the next room and fix them.  I asked Dad how he wanted them, and he said he wanted them in layers.  We fixed them how I thought he wanted them, and he said, “That is how your mother would have wanted them.”

Dad wanted us to have a receiving line at the viewing.  The line of people that came in seemed like it would never end.  We saw people we had not seen in years.  It was good to meet all of Dad’s friends, and to see so many people that loved Mom and my family.  The hardest people to greet were Brenda and Angie.  Tears came to my eyes when I greeted them.  Several times I bit the inside of my mouth, so I would not cry.  A lady came by and said, “Your smile looks just like your Mom’s…..so keep smiling.”  As the other people came by, I shook their hand and taking my left hand, cradled the back of their hand.  I don’t know why I did that, but I wanted to.  I was very strong during the viewing, several times reminding people she was not suffering anymore, and she was with Jesus in Heaven.  It was not a mournful time for me.  I greatly anticipated Mom’s funeral, because I wanted my loved ones and everyone else in attendance to hear the gospel presentation.

Before we left that night, I wanted to see her one more time.  Joann and I saw one of the employees that worked there.  He said we could go back in there.  We both spent a few minutes with her, and then he tucked her in by tucking the lining in around her.  He said he called it, “Tucking her in.”

“Baby doll”

I guess I did not know what really to expect.  The men from the funeral home came to the door.  It was real assuring because one of the men knew Mom and went to her church.  He walked into the room where she lay and sat down beside her.  He called her some cute name like “baby doll.”  I did not want to be in the room nor see her as she was being taken away.  They asked Jamie and me verbally if she was to be embalmed; we said yes.  He asked if Mom had any undergarments.  We packed her things and gave them to him.  I saw her on the folded up bed.  They had a sheet covering up her body to her chest.  They brought by a guestbook, a stand to put it on, and a chest full of ice.

The next few hours were a whirlwind.  Countless people came by and visited, several brought food.  That night was difficult.  I slept in the same bed I had the night before, in the room where she passed away.  She did not want to die at home because she did not want us to remember her house as where she passed away.  Mom wanted to pass away at the Hospice facility in Brunswick.  The facility did not have any open beds though.  As I slept, I woke up a few times during the night and looked up to the bed where she had slept.  All that was there was a stuffed bunny she loved.  It had a Valentine’s balloon tied to it.

U  Where does your loved one want to be when they pass away?  (It doesn’t bother me that she died at home.)  U

U  If you live out of town and are unable to send a meal, have you thought about sending the family a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant?  U 

Her last tear (part I)

I noticed after she had passed away, a tear in her left eye.  I touched her tear and kissed it.  I can’t remember what I said as I was doing that.  That would be the last tear she would ever have again.  There are no tears in Heaven.  She looked peaceful as if there was a faint smile on her face.

The same squirrel came back to the window and peeked his head into the window.  It was if to say he knew Mom had passed away.  I think the Lord had that squirrel come back again.

I called Nana back and told her the reason I had to call her back was because Mom had passed away, and I was trying to help her.  She cried.  I talked with her awhile.  I told Nana that she was with Jesus in Heaven and not suffering anymore.  I was strong when I was talking with her and wanted her to tell me anything she wanted to say.  Nana talked about how she was such a sweet girl.

I called Jamie, and she said she would be right there.  I then called Jennifer and told her the news.  She wept bitterly on the phone.  Jamie arrived, and we wept together.  Then Dad came into the room.  I have never in my life seen Dad cry.  He sat down in the chair next to her, rubbed her arm and said, “Oh, baby,” (that I can remember).  He openly lamented and cried out loud over her death.  I whispered to Jamie for us to be strong for Dad.  He started to cry again and this time it was because he did not want me to be there alone when she passed.  I told him I wanted to be there.

Dad had dropped Lauren and Ashton off at a friend’s house before he came home.  I had to decide what I wanted to do with them.  Whether I wanted them to see Mom how she was or wait to see if they wanted to see her at the funeral home.  I was going to wait until Paul got to the house before I told him she passed away, but I needed to know what to do with the kids.  I called him and told him Mom passed away and asked him what he thought about the kids seeing Mom.  I told him I thought they should see her because it would bring closure.  They had seen her before they left and something to the effect that they should see her before she is taken to the funeral home.  He agreed.  I told them to bring the kids over.  I was very thankful the kids were not there as she passed away.  It was stressful enough for me.  It would have been overwhelming for them.  God’s timing is good.