Nathan's Funeral

The next day was the funeral. I prayed for grace, peace, and mercy for the family and people to come to know Christ during the funeral. It was neat to see all the people there. Nathan’s life had touched many people. There were a lot of students from several schools. Several pastors spoke, including the children’s, middle school, high school, and senior pastor. 

I did not know Nathan well, so my grief was different. My grief was for Shari and what she and her family were going through; it was real, nonetheless. It made me think of believers as the body of Christ.

 

“If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad” (1 Corinthians 12:26, NLT).

Struck a Chord

Nathan's death struck a chord. I guess it’s because Ashton is Nathan’s age, but I also grieved for them. I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. 

One day, I woke around 4 a.m. and prayed for a long time. The kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died. Could it have been for his classmates to hear about Jesus? 

One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died, but maybe it was for his classmates to hear about Jesus. 

     One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

     What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

 

 

Afterword (part III)

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the real hard times I described in the chapter “Friday Night.” As difficult as the night was, at least she was alive and still with me. 

Lean on God for your strength and ask Him to help you through and give you peace. Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still here.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend who is terminally ill, I grieve for you. I got teary-eyed writing that sentence. What you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers; we have only trod the same path. The one person who does have all the answers is Jesus. 

Be comforted by the scriptures, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NLT). “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother, because I may be experiencing the same feelings Mary had. Why did God choose me? I am an ordinary girl. Can I do what You want me to accomplish? How will I get it done? What will people think?

I am honored—honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feelings I have tonight. What an indescribable feeling I’ve never had before. I am in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish His excellent work.

"Higher expectations?"

I talked with Joann on the phone, and she was mad at Dad.  She was not planning on going to see Dad anytime soon.  I felt she was placing "higher expectations" on Dad.  He was not fulfilling them because he was not spending quality time with her family instead of deviating from his normal routine of activities.  Dad never stopped the things he was doing just because we were in town.  He would still go hunting and do other things.  She also mentioned basically the door swung both ways; he could come see her.  She also spoke of his anger.

About a week later, I called her back and told her Jesus does not throw stones at us when we don’t act like we are supposed to.  He loves us!!  It was a hard conversation because in a loving way, I was reprimanding her for her behavior towards Dad.  I did not want to make her mad, but to me, her behavior was wrong, and it was affecting Dad.  He was just doing the same thing he always had done, and I think she was expecting Dad to fill Mom’s shoes.  Now, on the other hand, Mom spoiled us to death when we came in town.  She made us what we wanted to eat, washed our clothes, had what our kids liked to eat in the refrigerator, and the list does not end.

I told her Mom was probably the driving force of why Mom and Dad came to visit us.  I also told her I did not expect for him to visit me in Athens.

The conversation went well and she was quiet for a large portion of the conversation.  She just let me talk.

Anger is a part of grieving, and I can’t imagine what Dad is going through because I know how hard it has been for me.  The last time I was at home, I got on to Dad for cussing.  He said to me, “I know that you don’t think I am where I need to be, but I think that I’m doing just fine.”  I am not going to say anything else about his cussing.  He knows I don’t like for him to do it, and he realizes it when he does.

U  Are you putting undo stress on someone by expecting them “to fill the loved one’s shoes” since they have passed away?  U

Different stages

I really enjoyed reading Final Gifts that was written by two Hospice nurses.  It talks about final gifts people who are dying leave their families; things such as wisdom, faith, and love.  It helped me to understand the different stages people go through when they learn someone is sick and going to die.  The stages are bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Since I thought the Lord was going to heal Mom, my sisters were at a different stage than me.  They had already gone through all the stages and had accepted she was going to die.

 

The weekend after Mom died was the hardest for me.  On March 21^st, I went to my cookie shop because it was closed and typed a lot.  I was talking to Joann, telling her how I felt.  I guess I was in the depression stage.  She called back a few days later to check on me because she was worried.  She was concerned about my faith because I thought Mom was going to be healed, and she was not.

 

The book stated, “Some wait to die until certain people arrive, or until others leave, or until the ones they care about most have the right kind of support.”  I struggle with this statement the authors made, “….understand that if the dying person wants you there when death comes, you probably will be there; if he doesn’t, you probably won’t.”  It reminded me again of the guilty feelings of me leaving when she told me not to.  That she wanted me there to possibly pass away sooner.  It made me think she did not want Nana and Julie to see her like she was, and she passed away before they got there.  I don’t know if these are correct doctrinal statements concerning God’s will about death.  One day I guess I can ask Him that question. 

 

She wanted me to be there when she passed away.  Why me?  I guess she thought I would handle it best.  It was extremely stressful to go through, but I wanted to be there.  She probably did not want to put the burden on Jamie because she is pregnant or on Dad either.

 

I have had to deal with my grief head on in writing this book.  I called my sisters and Dad asking them questions to make sure I wrote everything as accurately as possible.  I hope I have not made any errors and have tried the best I could with my limited recollection.  This book was written from MY perspective, and I may have read certain things into different situations.

 

Other family members are dealing with the loss of Mom differently.  I feel as though one person is keeping their feelings suppressed, or at an arm’s length.  I guess in order to not deal with it or to protect them.  Maybe she does not want to tackle all the emotions because it is too painful for now.  I have the video and pictures of Mom’s funeral, and she is not ready to see them yet.  I am adding this paragraph ten months after Mom’s death. 

 

A member of Mom’s church gave me a tiny booklet called, Healing the Griefs of Life; it is a great little booklet concerning grief.  The author recommends six steps when experiencing grief, and in the final step he recommends helping someone who is grieving.  This is where I am now.  This is one of the reasons I feel the Lord wants me to write this book.

U  Are you allowing yourself to grieve or are you suppressing your emotions?  U

Callanan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. Final Gifts. New York: Bantam Books, 1997.
       197, 228.

Ogilvie, Lloyd John. Healing the Griefs of Life. Hollywood: Let God Love You,

       1994.