Struck a Chord

Nathan's death struck a chord. I guess it’s because Ashton is Nathan’s age, but I also grieved for them. I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. 

One day, I woke around 4 a.m. and prayed for a long time. The kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died. Could it have been for his classmates to hear about Jesus? 

One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died, but maybe it was for his classmates to hear about Jesus. 

     One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

     What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

 

 

Afterword (part IV)

Mom loved Jesus with all of her heart. Aunt Julie said our Christian legacy goes back a long way. Our family legacy won’t get us into Heaven. Each person has to make a personal decision to ask Jesus to be their personal Lord and Savior.

We are that house. Christ needs to be our foundation because the winds will blow and beat upon our house. Life is tough. Therefore, we need Jesus so that when the storms of life come, we will stand firm. 

 

U  How will you do things differently? Have you learn from my mistakes?  U

U  If you have a family member, friend, or loved one who is dying, can you tell them the wonderful things you want to say?  U

U  If you are terminally ill or dying, will you let your family members tell you everything they wish?  U

 

    “Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24, NLT).

 

“Let this be recorded for future generations, so that a people not yet born will praise the LORD” (Psalm 102:18, NLT).

Afterword (part III)

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the real hard times I described in the chapter “Friday Night.” As difficult as the night was, at least she was alive and still with me. 

Lean on God for your strength and ask Him to help you through and give you peace. Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still here.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend who is terminally ill, I grieve for you. I got teary-eyed writing that sentence. What you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers; we have only trod the same path. The one person who does have all the answers is Jesus. 

Be comforted by the scriptures, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NLT). “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother, because I may be experiencing the same feelings Mary had. Why did God choose me? I am an ordinary girl. Can I do what You want me to accomplish? How will I get it done? What will people think?

I am honored—honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feelings I have tonight. What an indescribable feeling I’ve never had before. I am in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish His excellent work.

Afterword (part I)

 

 

Only God knows the true intent of this book. Early on, I felt bombarded through sermons as though Jesus was speaking to me about publishing this book. In one sermon I heard, Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat and pushed the boat into the water. Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch anything. Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5, NIV). He cast his nets, which were so full of fish, the nets were breaking. Another boat came—they filled both boats and they started sinking.

 

This book was written because I obeyed the Lord. 

Because You say so, Lord, I will.

God has accomplished His will in ways I’ll never know.

It was not the Lord’s will to physically heal Mom, so I was with my journal not knowing what to do. I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students to pray for the Lord’s wisdom. 

The answer has been clear. Walk by Faith Through Death:  Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death and Terminal Illness was written for His honor and glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. The book will minister to people going through the death of a friend, loved one, or someone with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to mask specific issues. I wanted you to see the whole picture. If I our hid problems, you would not glean helpful information. 

I have omitted specific comments made by family members to avoid upsetting them. I did not want to step on anyone’s toes. All family members aren’t mentioned by name because there are too many names for you to remember. I have tried to be careful about what information should be included and removed what was unnecessary.  

Grandmother (part I)

 

Dad sent me an email saying that they referred Grandmother to hospice, and a hospice nurse will assess her in two days. The next day, Dad sent another brief email with the subject line “Mother.” I hesitated before opening it because I feared it might be bad news. 

His short email stated, “She is sinking fast!! Horrible sight. Dad.”

I called Dad to check on Grandmother.

“Grandmother had a bad day yesterday—she is restless. I’ve not seen her eyes open all the way in three days.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“She’s not able to swallow, so they gave her meds under her tongue and made her comfortable. Jamie visited Grandmother, and Grandmother opened her eyes briefly but did not know Jamie was there.” 

“I want to see her.”

“I don’t think she will recognize you or know you’re here. I think you should remember her the way you saw her last.” 

    Grandmother is not ready to die because I still don’t think she knows Jesus. She wouldn’t let me have conversations about salvation. 

“That is personal information,” she would tell me.

Before I went to bed, I cried and prayed, “Lord, I want her to meet you so bad because I don’t want her to go to Hell.” 

    She is a wonderful grandmother. I prayed for her salvation for years asking that Jesus would call her to Him. I wish I could do something for her, but I can’t. She must recognize her need for Him and invite Him into her life. I prayed she would be awake enough to do so. I did not know what to pray for—the Holy Spirit would do that for me. 

The smell of her Bible

This week I had to get my Bible rebound, so I have been reading Mom’s Bible.  I enjoy looking at all of her notes she has written in it and looking at all the verses she highlighted.  I have her Bible, but she is having a blast in Heaven serving Jesus!  The smell of Mom's scent on her Bible brings back memories of her.  I miss her!

Muffin (part IV)

 

We met Dr. Arbo.  He took a blood sample and said it would be about 25-30 minutes to get the results.  We went to get gas and while we were out, I called Dr. Mosher’s office to ask how much Muffin weighed on Thursday.  She had lost eighteen ounces!  That is a lot of weight for a dog so small.  I knew it was not going to get any better.

We got the blood work back, and it was not good.  Dr. Arbo said her liver was failing and dragging her kidneys down.  The toxicity of the food was making her not want to eat and making her nauseous.  I knew what we needed to do and asked Paul what he thought.  He thought it was time as well.  I asked the vet about whether the kids should be in there when he was giving Muffin the shot.  He did not recommend it if they were under fifteen.  I asked him what to tell the kids about the shot in case they asked.  He said he did it in two phases.  One shot to make sure she would not feel any pain, and the second one would put her to sleep.  I did not know at first if I wanted to watch him give her the second shot.  I knew I would figure it out.

I got Paul to call Claudia and asked her to bring the kids to the vet so they could say goodbye to her.  Meanwhile, Paul called his mom and asked her to pray for the kids and me.  Claudia brought them to the vet, and they had already been crying.  I started tearing up a little as I saw Lauren crying.  I knew I needed to stay strong for them, so I stopped.  I remember how Jamie and I had to be strong for Dad as he was seeing Mom the first time after she had passed away.

I let each one of them hold Muffin and told them to tell her everything they wanted to because we were not in a hurry.  Lauren did the most talking and Ashton would agree to each statement she said.  I mentioned to them what Mom used to say about Muffin, “Rotten, rotten, rotten!”  It lightened the moment.  It was sweet to hear the things they were telling her.  I knew how much they would miss her.  Before Ashton left, he said he wanted to help dig the hole.

Claudia took them home, and Paul and I went back into the vet’s office.  I got the teddy bear blanket out of the car to carry Muffin home.  She loved to lie on the blanket at home.  Dr. Arbo had great bedside manners and apologized several times about having to put her to sleep.  He said some comment about her going to a better place.  He genuinely cared about her and was not matter of fact. 

I laid her on the blanket and told him we were ready.  He was very discreet and had the shot in his shirt pocket.  As he was giving her the first shot, I kissed her head.  He left so we could be alone with her.  I felt bad because I did not ask Paul if he said everything he wanted to say to her.  He replied, “I can’t.”  He said he already had said so but did not say it out loud.  He would not be able to verbalize it.  I told him that was why I was in the parking lot because I was telling her everything I wanted to tell her.

Dr. Arbo then came in and gave her the second shot that would put her to sleep.  I noticed she was not taking any more breaths and said so out loud.  He listened with a stethoscope to her heart and said she was gone.  I noticed her ear was yellow on the inside and had noticed her eye was a little yellow as well because she was jaundice.  That was my sign that I had made the right decision.  She would not be in pain or suffering any more.  I remember watching Mom take her final breaths and being there when she died.  I was glad Mom was in Heaven with Jesus and not suffering anymore.

So will I

Tonight, after listening to the song, “Voice of Truth,” I heard the words in a different way.  I got out of it I am to publish this book for His glory.  This book is Mom’s voice even though she is not here anymore.  It is her, still trying to reach people for Jesus, but she no longer has a voice we can hear.  Just as the last day she was alive, and I could not hear her voice, but I still tried to listen.

I went to the writer’s conference and when these thought were coming to me, her pen just “so happened” to be sticking up in my bag when I needed to write.  The pen is also another thing I cherish because it was hers.  Dad and Claudia mailed it to me.  It was a pen she wrote with at work, and it had the church’s name etched into it.  She had also written her last name on it.

The pen is now mine for me to use and tell people about Christ through this book.  Just as you (Jesus) went back to Heaven, you inspired writers to still proclaim your word.  So will I. 

U  Are you choosing and believing to listen to the voice of truth?  U

A second mourning? (part III)

He also spoke of the deepest joy he felt, and he did not have any worries, anxieties, or concerns.  The two statements he made that stood out in my mind were, “I wasn’t conscious of anything I’d left behind and felt no regrets about leaving family or possessions.  It was as if God had removed anything negative or worrisome from my consciousness, and I could only rejoice at being together with these wonderful people.”

I always wondered if people in Heaven could see what we were doing.  But it seems to me, they are focused on God and praising him.  There will be no sorrow in Heaven, so they probably cannot see us.  I still tell God to tell Mom I love her.  It is up to Him whether or not that should be done.  But I trust Him and know He makes the best decisions for me.

Through reading the book, and even today as I sat in church, the one thing I received was “rejoice!”  The song that spurred on this thought was O’ Come, O’ Come Emmanuel (anonymous, n.d.).  I was thinking of Mom for some reason as I was singing the song, and the words rang out “Rejoice! Rejoice!”  Let go!  Quit being selfish and wanting her here, and rejoice because she is eternally with Jesus in Heaven.

U Can you rejoice because your loved one is with Jesus in Heaven?  U

On the way back home, we took back roads, so we would miss the holiday traffic and possible wrecks.  We were a few miles from Mom’s gravesite, and I asked Ashton if he wanted to go to Granny’s gravesite and he said, “Yes.”

We stopped at the gravesite for a few minutes.  I turned around because I heard the chimes ringing.  I asked Ashton if he rang the chimes, and he said he did.  Before I left, I said out loud to Jesus, “I am going to rejoice because she is with you in Heaven.”

I yearn to be with her, and I have to be patient until I see her beautiful face again.  She is no longer in pain and suffering.  Until then, I have to learn to rejoice and remember Jesus has me here for a reason.  I need to strive to fulfill my mission here on earth.

     Piper, Don. 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN. Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 2004. 26, 31.  

The fruits of my labor

I received back the fruits of my labor through my volleyball player.  She knew I had been struggling greatly about not being able to coach, and one day in the parking lot at school, she told me she had something for me.  I walked with her to her car, and she handed me a present.  She told me I could open it later.  I thanked her and went about my way.  When I got to my office, I opened the present.  She had made me a little booklet.  On the front it said, “When the going gets tough…..always remember:”  When I opened the booklet, I noticed she had written scripture on each separate index card.  The scriptures related about going through tough times and trusting Jesus.  At the back of the booklet, she wrote, “I love you, coach. Forever” and she signed her name.  I got tears in my eyes as I read several scriptures.  I told her I would keep it in my desk and probably need to refer to it often.

I saw this same student this summer, the week before school started, and she asked me if we could go out to dinner or get dessert.  She needed to talk to me.  We couldn’t decide where to get dessert, so I asked Paul for a suggestion.  He suggested a book store that had good desserts in the back of the store.  I met her there, but before she arrived, I decided to buy her the same book I read over the summer by Charles Stanley.  I gave her the book as we sat down, and we shared a slice of cheesecake. 

She poured her heart out about what all she was going through.  I helped her with the advice she needed to hear.  The Lord has something incredible He is going to do with her life.  I am just trying to steer her to look to God and honor Him.

Jesus in the rocking chair

Today is August 22^nd.  I went out on my front porch to listen to the words of my new CD.  I went through a flood of emotions.  As I listened to the words, they ministered to me so deeply because the words iterated exactly what I was going through.  I got goose bumps all over my body numerous times.  I contemplated so many things as I sat there.  The wind was rustling the leaves on the trees, and I was reminded God was with me.  I looked over at the empty rocking chair and knew He was right there with me.  He was comforting me.  I reached out and grabbed His hand as we sat in the rocking chairs.  My spirit was calmed, and I enjoyed being quiet and sitting with Him.  It was peaceful, refreshing, and uplifting.  I haven’t felt much peace with everything I have been going through.  He also reminded me of the impact my Christian walk has had on people.

U  If you are saved, are you remembering that Jesus is always in the rocking chair next to you?  U

My two favorite songs are, “Voice of Truth,” and “Who Am I,” by Casting Crowns.  Paul calls my new favorite songs, “One song wonders,” because I play them over a billion times right after I get them.  They just minister to me.  The words are so powerful because my favorite songs usually relate to what I am going through. 

I encourage you to look up the lyrics.  You will be blessed! 

U  Are you letting Christian songs minister to you?  U