"Higher expectations?"

I talked with Joann on the phone, and she was mad at Dad.  She was not planning on going to see Dad anytime soon.  I felt she was placing "higher expectations" on Dad.  He was not fulfilling them because he was not spending quality time with her family instead of deviating from his normal routine of activities.  Dad never stopped the things he was doing just because we were in town.  He would still go hunting and do other things.  She also mentioned basically the door swung both ways; he could come see her.  She also spoke of his anger.

About a week later, I called her back and told her Jesus does not throw stones at us when we don’t act like we are supposed to.  He loves us!!  It was a hard conversation because in a loving way, I was reprimanding her for her behavior towards Dad.  I did not want to make her mad, but to me, her behavior was wrong, and it was affecting Dad.  He was just doing the same thing he always had done, and I think she was expecting Dad to fill Mom’s shoes.  Now, on the other hand, Mom spoiled us to death when we came in town.  She made us what we wanted to eat, washed our clothes, had what our kids liked to eat in the refrigerator, and the list does not end.

I told her Mom was probably the driving force of why Mom and Dad came to visit us.  I also told her I did not expect for him to visit me in Athens.

The conversation went well and she was quiet for a large portion of the conversation.  She just let me talk.

Anger is a part of grieving, and I can’t imagine what Dad is going through because I know how hard it has been for me.  The last time I was at home, I got on to Dad for cussing.  He said to me, “I know that you don’t think I am where I need to be, but I think that I’m doing just fine.”  I am not going to say anything else about his cussing.  He knows I don’t like for him to do it, and he realizes it when he does.

U  Are you putting undo stress on someone by expecting them “to fill the loved one’s shoes” since they have passed away?  U