The final chapter

Writing and editing this book was difficult, as it brought many tears and sad moments because I had to relive her death over and over again. During her illness, I had to walk by faith and depend on the Lord to see me through. I rejoice because Momma is in Heaven, and hopefully, this book has helped you.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind is my favorite verse: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT). This verse has helped me through difficult times, reminding me God is still in control and loves us.

I prayed and asked the Lord to write every word He wanted in this book and remove every word He didn’t want. Stories in the Face of Death:  Confronting 264 Challenging Questions Surrounding Death and Terminal Illness is His book. He placed this message on my heart.

I’ve told my sisters and friends I am just a P.E. teacher—writing a book is out of the box. 

The book Can One Person Make A Difference? states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks. He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips. If God is in it, anything is possible!” 

Satan tries to convince me I can’t do anything. He has harassed the dickens out of me and would love that I not do the Lord’s will, but my God is greater.

I am honored the Lord chosen me to do this work, and I am excited about what He will do. 

Momma was a wonderful person. Even though she isn’t here, she lives on in my family’s memories and hearts. She did leave the house . . . to go to Heaven. I can’t imagine how big her smile is now.

As I envision Mom in Heaven, I wonder what the Lord assigned her to do. Maybe your holding your brother’s hand as you walk the streets of gold or you’re playing tag with the children in the open fields—probably both and more. Maybe you’re among the kids playing with shaving cream? Perhaps you have the title of Youth Director. Whatever it is, she will be serving others.

 

The same God who walked with me by faith is the same God who will walk with you too. He will see you through. Many blessings! ~ Judy

U  WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?  U

U CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?  U

“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God” (Acts 20:24, NLT).

Dad the caregiver

I asked Dad what special things he did for Mom while she was sick. These are the answers he gave:

Mom enjoyed going in her wheelchair to the Coast Guard Station at the beach and sitting on the end of the wooden ramp. She enjoyed watching the tide come in and out. Mom enjoyed eating breakfast in a restaurant at the pier—she would sneak biscuits out of the restaurant to feed the seagulls.

Mom liked to go to the grocery store because she enjoyed seeing her friends—it was a social gathering.

She enjoyed sitting on the back patio, watching the bird feeder, and listening to the chimes.

They drove near the base of one of the bridges and sat in the car at the pilot boat dock so she could look out. It is beautiful there. Pelicans and seagulls sit atop the old wooden pylons, where the sun sets behind them.

On one of the last trips to the Mayo Clinic, instead of taking I-95 home, they took A1A along the Coastal Highway. They also rode on the car ferry. They went to Fernandina and ate at Spanky’s Restaurant on the water's marsh side and sat on the deck for a long time.

She loved watching the squirrels eat the sunflower seeds he placed on the window seal by her bed.

    

Thank you, Dad, for all the sacrifices you made and for the care you provided for Mom.

  U What can you do for your loved one that they can no longer do?   U

Comments from Dad

 

“Brenda was so helpful. She was an angel. She made things so much easier. Elaine was so comfortable around her. She looked after her so well.”

“Elaine was happy until the day she died. We thought she was going to last a long, long time. 

“She started feeling a lot better with the feeding tube. She went down so fast—we did not have a clue. We were planning on things months down the road.”

“She had been worried about the girls (my sisters and me) for a long time, getting the things all sorted out. I was doing what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to die at the hospice place. They would take her there as things got worse. If she had known she was dying, she would have said something. She did not want to put a stigma on the house . . . this is where she died. She is buried out yonder because she did not want us to visit her grave all the time.”

“I wish she had a dog. I think having a dog would have been comforting to her.” He thought people with terminal illnesses should have dogs because they would comfort them.

One question I did not ask: What were your thoughts as you watched your bride waste away?

 

The things I learned from Dad

 

I sat with Dad and Claudia in the bedroom where Momma died to glean valuable information that I could pass on to you. It would be difficult for Dad to discuss these issues, but I knew I should.

U He stressed you should not put something off, whether it be discussions, decisions, or significant things.

U Don’t put faith in the doctor’s time frame. They don’t know. God is the only one who truly knows. Mom died twelve days after she got her feeding tube. 

U He mentioned calling the Social Security office to claim a disability, especially with Mom having ALS. It took two to three months to get her first check. She only got one disability check even though she could not work for a long time. From her diagnosis to her death, it was only about nine months. Search on the web under Social Security disability.

U The ALS Association of Georgia had good resources and information.

U Dad got a power of attorney because Mom couldn’t sign her name. His financial advisor suggested they get joint accounts because it makes it more manageable.

U Set your investments as (Payable On Death). A POD is any account, investment, etc., given to a specified person when you die. You don’t want to go through a trustee or a banker to disburse money.    

U What have you learned from reading this book?  U

In Their Shoes

Most of what I’ve experienced is for the benefit of others. I’ve reflected on my current pain and quest to find what’s wrong. I have walked in the shoes of those who believe they have a terminal illness, and I understand that they constantly grapple with complex symptoms.

The long wait for my diagnosis is challenging. Other doctors seemed they didn’t care or care enough to help—the list goes on. At least I have drugs to relieve my pain. 

The bottom line is compassion. When a person is facing illness, show empathy. We have no idea what they’re going through until we’ve walked in their shoes.

U Can you show compassion for those with an illness, disability, or disease?  U 

U Have you wondered what it’s like to walk in their shoes? (We should be thankful for the little things.) U 

 

Ministering to PALS and CALS (part I)

Several people on Facebook ALS groups have invited me to join. Most people are there to support one another. Some are PALS or family members, while others joined because a loved one died from ALS. Still, others participate to raise awareness of the disease or to raise funds for a cure. 

I follow a PAL on social media who's a Hospice Chaplain but resigned because he, too, had ALS. These people grew on me—I view them as family, though we haven’t met. We share a bond and a connection that reminds me of the Christian body of believers.