The things I learned from Dad

 

I sat with Dad and Claudia in the bedroom where Momma died to glean valuable information that I could pass on to you. It would be difficult for Dad to discuss these issues, but I knew I should.

U He stressed you should not put something off, whether it be discussions, decisions, or significant things.

U Don’t put faith in the doctor’s time frame. They don’t know. God is the only one who truly knows. Mom died twelve days after she got her feeding tube. 

U He mentioned calling the Social Security office to claim a disability, especially with Mom having ALS. It took two to three months to get her first check. She only got one disability check even though she could not work for a long time. From her diagnosis to her death, it was only about nine months. Search on the web under Social Security disability.

U The ALS Association of Georgia had good resources and information.

U Dad got a power of attorney because Mom couldn’t sign her name. His financial advisor suggested they get joint accounts because it makes it more manageable.

U Set your investments as (Payable On Death). A POD is any account, investment, etc., given to a specified person when you die. You don’t want to go through a trustee or a banker to disburse money.    

U What have you learned from reading this book?  U

When Daddy is Gone

When Dad dies, the house will belong to the four girls.   To help Claudia, he put in his will that she gets to stay in the house for as long as she wants.  I think this is the right decision.  Some of the foggy areas will be when there are major repairs to be made to the house, or who should pay the taxes.  Dad said some things are POD “Payable on Death” to Claudia, and some things will be POD to the four girls.

U  Are the loved one’s children being financially taken care of if they were dependent on the loved one’s financial support? (I know of a divorced man who was tragically killed.  His new wife received all the support from the community.  His grown daughter had been receiving financial aid from her father, yet no one was helping her.)  U

U  Are there family traditions you can help a friend or family member with since the loved one has passed away? (This same man’s son would put up the Christmas tree with his dad.  After his dad’s death, the son did not want to continue this tradition without his dad.  The son also wanted to hang lights on the house, but his dad did not want to.  A family friend found out and surprised the son by decorating the family tree and put lights on the outside of the house.  When he saw the decorations, he just stood there looking at the lights.  He was in awe!)  U     

The one issue I will not have to worry about is Daddy’s belongings.  Things, they are just what they are, things.  But when they belonged to your loved one, they become more than just things.  The belongings become the only things one has left of the loved one except memories.  Every once in a while, I will hold Mom’s painting and rub it where she signed her name.  I will smell the gloves she wore last to smell her scent.  I even kiss her picture in the frame.  These things bring me some satisfaction and bring her closer to me.

U  If the loved one passes away, can you be thoughtful and share his/her belongings? (The belongings are just as important to other family members as they are to you.) U