When Daddy is Gone

When Dad dies, the house will belong to the four girls.   To help Claudia, he put in his will that she gets to stay in the house for as long as she wants.  I think this is the right decision.  Some of the foggy areas will be when there are major repairs to be made to the house, or who should pay the taxes.  Dad said some things are POD “Payable on Death” to Claudia, and some things will be POD to the four girls.

U  Are the loved one’s children being financially taken care of if they were dependent on the loved one’s financial support? (I know of a divorced man who was tragically killed.  His new wife received all the support from the community.  His grown daughter had been receiving financial aid from her father, yet no one was helping her.)  U

U  Are there family traditions you can help a friend or family member with since the loved one has passed away? (This same man’s son would put up the Christmas tree with his dad.  After his dad’s death, the son did not want to continue this tradition without his dad.  The son also wanted to hang lights on the house, but his dad did not want to.  A family friend found out and surprised the son by decorating the family tree and put lights on the outside of the house.  When he saw the decorations, he just stood there looking at the lights.  He was in awe!)  U     

The one issue I will not have to worry about is Daddy’s belongings.  Things, they are just what they are, things.  But when they belonged to your loved one, they become more than just things.  The belongings become the only things one has left of the loved one except memories.  Every once in a while, I will hold Mom’s painting and rub it where she signed her name.  I will smell the gloves she wore last to smell her scent.  I even kiss her picture in the frame.  These things bring me some satisfaction and bring her closer to me.

U  If the loved one passes away, can you be thoughtful and share his/her belongings? (The belongings are just as important to other family members as they are to you.) U 

Traditions (part II)

I was disappointed because I want to stay at Dad’s just like I’m sure everyone else wants.  Claudia’s mom can’t get up and down the stairs to the condo, so she needs to stay at Dad’s.  It would not be fair for Dad’s girls to stay at their house and not Kelli and Adam.  There are so many people and things to take into consideration.  We have to honor their decision.

I sit and think about what Mom would say if she were here.  But, that is the whole issue, it is because she is not here; there has to be change and things have to be done differently.  Everyone has to take one for the team, sacrificing in some way.  At first, it may seem to be an issue, just as it was an issue when I found out Dad was dating one person.  Feelings are hurt, you learn to deal with it, adapt and adjust, and everything is fine.

There will be other issues that come up I know.  Change is inevitable.  One week from today will be Dad and Claudia’s first anniversary.  Time has flown by.  New traditions will be started I’m sure, and the old one’s may be hard to let go of.  Whoever thought the death of one family member would create so much change in the lives of their loved ones.

The situation resolved itself.  Dad called me this past weekend to tell me one of Claudia’s relatives is not coming down for Christmas.  It will be crowded, but everyone can stay at Dad’s house this year.

U Are you being selfish about having things the way they have ALWAYS been or are you taking into consideration the needs of both families?  U

Traditions (part I)

The holidays are soon approaching, and our family is trying to plan ahead for Christmas.  There are many things to take into consideration.  We are a blended family now, Claudia’s family and Dad’s family; two families coming together as one.  Ever since Mom passed away, things have never been the same nor will they ever be.

Family has been an important and big part of our lives.  There has been tradition woven in throughout the years.  One tradition is everyone always spends the night at Mom and Dad’s house when we came in town for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Jamie lives on the island, so she and her family drive over Christmas morning.  Space has become an issue, as our families have expanded.  One year, my family stayed at a hotel on the island to ease the traffic and congestion at their house.  Another year, possibly Christmas, Paul and Ashton slept in a trailer in their backyard.

U  Are the loved one’s siblings, parents, grandparents etc. being remembered (by phone calls, gifts or invites to gatherings) especially during the holidays or on their birthday?  U 

This year, everyone from both families will be on the island, and there is no room in the inn.  On August 30^th, Claudia sent the four girls an email discussing the upcoming plans concerning where everyone will stay.  She wrote, “Your Dad and I are thinking ahead about Christmas – merging our two families, it will be a large group, and we want it to be a special time for everyone.”  She then listed where each family will stay.  She told us my family and Joann’s family will be staying in the condo above her condo.  She is renting her condo out for the winter, so we can’t stay there.  Jennifer’s family will stay with Jamie.  Claudia’s mom and a few of her relatives will stay at Dad’s.  Kelli has her own apartment on the island and she, Adam, Myra, and Hamp will stay there. 

U  Are you realizing the new spouse’s children may not feel comfortable to stay a long while because the house has not become home to them yet?  U