Putting up corn

 

Adam invited Claudia and the kids to put up corn at Myra’s mom’s house tomorrow.  First, I had Claudia explain to the kids what “putting up corn” entailed.  Adam was going out early the next day to pick the corn.  The kids would help shuck the corn then help prepare the creamed corn to be stored in the freezer.  I wanted it to be their decision since we were on vacation.  Ashton said, “I’m in!”  Lauren wanted to go also.  So, we decided to go.

U What will each person call the new family members?  (Ashton was asking me what he should call Adam.  I personally don’t like the word “step,” so I told him to call him his uncle.  In reference to Claudia, I say, “My dad’s wife.”  Everyone will be different.)  U 

Later that night Ashton said, “I can’t wait to help my uncle with the crops.”  I thought it would be a great chance for the kids to bond with Adam and Myra because they have not spent much time with them. 

The kids had a blast and were a big help with the corn.  They wanted to shuck corn instead of playing kickball.  Lauren and Ashton enjoyed getting to know everyone.  Lauren even got back out of the car to hug everyone goodbye when I had to go back in the house to get something.  On the ride home, they were both basically saying they were ready to do it all over again. 

U  Can you offer to get together both sides of the family, so they can bond?  (It can be something as simple as “putting up corn.”)  It is important for the new spouse to not pull the loved one away from their family.  Someone told me a man remarried another lady, and she pulled him away from his family basically making him choose between her and the rest of the family.  U

Traditions (part II)

I was disappointed because I want to stay at Dad’s just like I’m sure everyone else wants.  Claudia’s mom can’t get up and down the stairs to the condo, so she needs to stay at Dad’s.  It would not be fair for Dad’s girls to stay at their house and not Kelli and Adam.  There are so many people and things to take into consideration.  We have to honor their decision.

I sit and think about what Mom would say if she were here.  But, that is the whole issue, it is because she is not here; there has to be change and things have to be done differently.  Everyone has to take one for the team, sacrificing in some way.  At first, it may seem to be an issue, just as it was an issue when I found out Dad was dating one person.  Feelings are hurt, you learn to deal with it, adapt and adjust, and everything is fine.

There will be other issues that come up I know.  Change is inevitable.  One week from today will be Dad and Claudia’s first anniversary.  Time has flown by.  New traditions will be started I’m sure, and the old one’s may be hard to let go of.  Whoever thought the death of one family member would create so much change in the lives of their loved ones.

The situation resolved itself.  Dad called me this past weekend to tell me one of Claudia’s relatives is not coming down for Christmas.  It will be crowded, but everyone can stay at Dad’s house this year.

U Are you being selfish about having things the way they have ALWAYS been or are you taking into consideration the needs of both families?  U

Traditions (part I)

The holidays are soon approaching, and our family is trying to plan ahead for Christmas.  There are many things to take into consideration.  We are a blended family now, Claudia’s family and Dad’s family; two families coming together as one.  Ever since Mom passed away, things have never been the same nor will they ever be.

Family has been an important and big part of our lives.  There has been tradition woven in throughout the years.  One tradition is everyone always spends the night at Mom and Dad’s house when we came in town for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Jamie lives on the island, so she and her family drive over Christmas morning.  Space has become an issue, as our families have expanded.  One year, my family stayed at a hotel on the island to ease the traffic and congestion at their house.  Another year, possibly Christmas, Paul and Ashton slept in a trailer in their backyard.

U  Are the loved one’s siblings, parents, grandparents etc. being remembered (by phone calls, gifts or invites to gatherings) especially during the holidays or on their birthday?  U 

This year, everyone from both families will be on the island, and there is no room in the inn.  On August 30^th, Claudia sent the four girls an email discussing the upcoming plans concerning where everyone will stay.  She wrote, “Your Dad and I are thinking ahead about Christmas – merging our two families, it will be a large group, and we want it to be a special time for everyone.”  She then listed where each family will stay.  She told us my family and Joann’s family will be staying in the condo above her condo.  She is renting her condo out for the winter, so we can’t stay there.  Jennifer’s family will stay with Jamie.  Claudia’s mom and a few of her relatives will stay at Dad’s.  Kelli has her own apartment on the island and she, Adam, Myra, and Hamp will stay there. 

U  Are you realizing the new spouse’s children may not feel comfortable to stay a long while because the house has not become home to them yet?  U