Impressed to write down my thoughts

The week of February 16^th was when I was impressed to write down my thoughts.  I don’t know why or for what reason, but I am again doing what I think I am supposed to do.  The night before I started writing, I read my devotion for the night.  The title of the devotion was, “Share your story.”  One of the last statements written on the page read, “Today, ask the Lord to give you the courage and power to share your story and proclaim the Good News to those you live and work with.”

The night I started typing, the title of the devotion was, “Just trust me.”  Again, I sobbed.  I even picked up Paul’s cell phone and turned it on believing Mom may call and tell me she was healed.  The phone never rang.  One of the statements written in the devotion were, “…no one had hope for Jairus’s daughter.”  That is what I feel some people think about Mom, there is no hope….that the best thing would be for the disease to progress quickly, so she will not have to suffer.  Jesus commanded Jairus’s daughter, “Get up, little girl!” (Mark 5:40)  I wish God would say those powerful words to Mom.

I jotted down a few words that reminded me of things I wanted to write about.  I did not know where to start and what to say first, so I just started typing.  I could write an entire book on all the situations in which the Lord was telling me He was going to heal her.

Fuller, Cheri. The One Year Book of Praying through the Bible. Wheaton:

Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2003. February 20, 21.

U  What is the Lord possibly prompting you to do?  U

U   Are you having a daily quiet time to help you get through?  U

One thing after another

One thing after another was slowly being stripped away from Mom.  At first, Mom was having tingling going down her left arm.  Soon she could not move two fingers on her left hand.  She then loss all muscle control in her left arm, so it just hung there paralyzed.  Lauren made the comment to Mom that it was okay for her to only be able to hug with one arm.

U      Have you thought about getting a second opinion on the diagnosis from the doctor? (One doctor had the wrong diagnosis and wanted to do surgery on her hand.)  U  

Slowly the disease crept into her right arm.  She is right-handed, so she is still able to feed herself and do some chores.  Mom went to part-time work at the church where she had been secretary for more than twenty-five years.  She struggled starting the car because it was difficult for her to turn the key.  Her independence was first stripped away when she could not drive anymore.

The paralysis in her arm was such that she would struggle to eat.  I knew she was very independent, but I hated watching her struggle to get the food on her fork.  She did not like to ask for help nor did we know when to offer.  My sisters and I discussed letting Mom do things if she said she could do it even though she was struggling.  She would lower her head almost to the level of the table because she could barely lift the food to her mouth.  Soon she started asking for help to feed her and eventually she had to be totally dependent on us.  She would have to tell us what food she wanted to eat with the next bite and when she wanted something to drink.  A common sight was glasses of water with straws in it all over the house because she could not hold a glass anymore.

U   Can you discuss with your loved one the issue concerning when they would like you to help them?  U

The disease slowly started to take her legs and the muscles in her neck.  She has to wear a brace to hold her neck up or her head would just hang down.  Everything has to be done for her now.  She has to have someone physically get her out of bed in the mornings, dress her, brush her teeth, take her to the bathroom, and the hardest part was to brush her hair just the way she liked it.  I think after a billion times of doing it, I finally can do it right!!  She got her hair cut real short so we could better take care of it.

U  Is there a person you know whom could suggest equipment to aid your loved one?  (Mom had a friend that worked in rehab, and she would help Mom get the things she needed.)  U

Mom sleeps a lot now, and there is a lot of idle time because she can’t get up and down by herself.  People have been getting Mom books on tape so she can listen to them.  I bought Mom the tapes about Joni Eareckson Tada who became a quadriplegic after a diving accident.  Joni’s tapes speak about how God is always faithful.  I turned the tape on in the den for her to listen to, and she fell asleep.  Grandmother talked about getting the Bible on tape from her church for Mom.

One of the times I think was probably difficult for her was going to her office at work and taking all her belongings home because she can no longer work.  Dad, Lauren, Ashton, and I went with her to her office.  I went through the cabinets and helped get her final few items.  She told me she had already taken a lot of stuff home.  

U      If your loved one works, can you be supportive and help them pack their belongings from their office?  U

Mom’s grave

One of the things I wanted to accomplish through visiting Mom was trying to get her out of the house.  On previous visits, I would ask her if she wanted me to push her in her wheelchair down to the boardwalk on the beach.  She always refused.  I thought to myself that if I did not get her to go, she may never see the beach again.  To me her house became the grave.  She would end up never going out of the house, living a life trapped inside condemned to die.

One day Dad pushed the envelope as he too noticed the same thing.  He was trying to get her to go out to lunch with some girlfriends.  She got mad and told him if he had felt like he had thrown up all night, he wouldn’t want to get out of the house either.  We all notice the effects of the disease on the outside of her body but have not thought of what is happening on the inside.  She’s usually very drained and does not have much energy.

Mom has to use a speakerphone because both of her arms are paralyzed and just hang from her body.  When someone calls, we punch the button for her and put the phone on her lap so she can talk.  One day a lady called her to ask her out for lunch.  She said politely she did not feel up to it and thanked her.  After I hung the phone up, she began to cry a faint cry as the disease is taking over the muscles in her throat.  I asked her what was the matter, and she said she hated feeling like that all the time.  I hugged her and tried not to cry.  She did not want to talk about it in anyway.  I gave her some encouraging words that came to my mind.  It was not going to get any better.

U   Are you being sensitive to how the disease makes them feel on the inside?  U