Her funeral (part III)

I drove Dad over to Jin Right’s for lunch.  All the family members were supposed to eat there.  Lurlyne and Alice, two of Mom’s good friends who have faithfully ministered to Mom, helped Dad pay for the meal.  We got all the cousins together and took pictures outside the restaurant.

Dad said, “Where is my ride?”  I then took him to the gravesite.  Dad really started opening up and talking on the ride there.  We parked very close to where Pops was buried.  Pops was Nana’s second husband.  Mom’s dad died when she was a teen. 

I set up the video camera at the gravesite as well.  The service was short, and I sat in the front row with Dad.  I don’t really remember what the preacher said during the service.  The pallbearers all came by and hugged us as they walked past.  We took a few pictures then walked away, so we would not get in their way of finishing up.  We went over to Pops’ grave and put an arrangement of flowers on his grave.  Ashton wanted to go back and see what they were doing at Mom’s gravesite.  He and Lauren went back and watched until they had to leave to get out of the way.  I sent them back again when they were finished with everything and found Ashton sitting in a chair just looking at everything going on.  I noticed there was some dirt in the corner markers of the gravesite, so I began to brush it out.  Ashton joined in helping.

They had put the flowers Nana sent and laid them over the gravesite.  Grandmother had sent flowers arranged like a pillow since Mom had given her pillows.  Mom always asked Grandmother to fix her pillows.

Aunt Janet pulled me to the side at the cemetery and talked to me.  I can’t really remember exactly what she said, but it was something to the extent that she thought I would have been the one there when Mom passed away.  It was a neat conversation.  Aunt Julie basically said the same thing to me over the phone when she found out Mom had passed away.

Dad told me on the way down to look at the other grave markers to see one we liked.  He did not want Mom’s to stand out.  We walked around for a little bit.  Right before we left, we took some more pictures.

Dad wanted to go by Dairy Queen to get some ice cream.  He treated us all.

When we got home, the funeral home had already brought all the flowers and plants to the house, and they were all lined up under the porch.  I wanted to make sure there weren’t any new ones, so we would not forget to write thank you notes.  As we got there, a van pulled up and delivered a flowered plant from Prince Avenue Christian School which is where I teach.  The Patton’s, our friends in our Sunday school class, had sent some flowers that were sent to the gravesite.

That night, we had all the cousins from Ohio, the Anderson’s (Joann’s mother and father-in-law), Grandmother, Uncle Johnny, Little Johnny and his family, and Evelyn come over for dinner.  The Meadow’s, from Mom and Dad’s church, had fried some chicken and we got out everything already in the refrigerator.  Dad stayed in his office most of the time because it was too loud, and there was too much commotion going on.

U Are you taking into consideration there may be over stimulation in the house?  U

I felt like I took over Mom’s job.  I was getting everyone’s name on their cup, filling the cups with ice, and asking everyone what they wanted to drink etc.  I was busting my butt because for the first time, the things Mom normally did were now left for someone else to do.  I thought a lot about how Mom was such a servant and never ate until everyone else was served.

U  How can you serve others in the role your loved one used to serve?  U

Later on that night, I thought about how selfish I was to actually feel sorry for myself because no one else was helping me serve everyone supper.  I have learned so much about myself in the last couple of weeks. 

Dad even called me Elaine the day she died.  He had said a cuss word, and I got onto him about it.  I guess Mom also corrected him.  After I corrected him he said, “Elaine.”