ALS Walk-a-thon / Do not be anxious

Jennifer told me there was a walk-a-thon in Atlanta to raise money for ALS.  She told me she and a friend were going to walk, and she asked me if I wanted to do it as well.  She was going to get the information to me so I could sponsor her if I decided not to walk.

U  Are you willing/motivated to help raise money by being in a walk-a-thon to find a cure for an illness?  U

Yesterday, I sat on my front porch and prayed I would not be anxious about next week’s doctor appointment.  A flood of thoughts again went through my mind.  Would I be strong?  What assisted help from the doctors would I want?  Do I want a trach or a feeding tube?  I know I don’t want to live with a trach, but I guess I won’t know until it is staring me in the face.  I thought about the issues of me being in a wheelchair and how long they would let me work.  How would I tell the kids at school, and what should I tell them?  How would I tell my sisters and my father?  Would I be able to tell them in person?  When would be the appropriate time to tell them?  Should I take the family on a last ditch vacation like to Hawaii and how quickly should we leave before too many symptoms hinder the vacation?  How would I pay for it?  I think one time I even thought about being okay about having the disease.  Where would I sit in my wheelchair in church?   I thought about the church having to deal with a terminally ill person and people pulling together and helping out with meals and other things.  I also thought about how I would enjoy sitting on my front porch with a blanket over my legs while in my wheelchair. 

My fourth toe on my left foot was pulsating.  I could feel the pulsation run down to my toenail.  It did this all day.  It kind of reminded me of it being numb, but it wasn’t.  I have had tingling on the outside of my left foot also for a couple of days.  I don’t know if it is from my shoe or not.  Today, on the outside of my left ankle bone, it started pulsating as well.  These new symptoms brought on a flood of thoughts.  I got my calendar out and thought I would look when the twitches started compared to when I hurt my back.  I thought maybe all of these symptoms started after I hurt my back.  Maybe these symptoms were because of my sciatic nerve.   Well, I was wrong!!