2:30 p.m.

I then looked at the clock; it was 2:30 p.m.  Mom was not taking any more breaths.  I turned on the BIPAP machine, and put the mask to her face but it did not work because Mom was not breathing in the air.  She lay there with her mouth open, and she was still.  I felt for a pulse, and there was none.  I remember looking at her neck earlier as she was taking her last breaths and could not remember if I saw her pulse.  I knew she was dead.  I openly wept and lamented greatly.  I had wanted to be there when Mom passed away.  I kissed her just as I had been kissing her a lot that day.  I said something to the effect that she was with Jesus and was not suffering anymore.  I remember looking at her and smiling because I knew she was in Heaven.  I thought it was very fitting the Lord took her to Heaven when she no longer had a voice to tell us how to help her, and it was Sunday.

U   Can you praise the God who gives and takes away?  U

MOM!! MOM!!

 

Just a few hours earlier, I had placed Dad’s cell phone number and the Hospice number on the closet door.  I quickly called Dad’s cell phone and in a panic state told him Mom almost stopped breathing.  He told me to call the Hospice number.  I shook Mom and said out loud, “Breathe!!”  I then called the Hospice number, and they said they would page Angie.  Angie called back, and I told her what happened.  I asked her if I should use the BIPAP machine, and she said I could if I wanted to.  I did not know much about the BIPAP machine and did not want to bring Mom back to life if that were not her wishes.  She said she would be there in a few minutes.  I then called Dad back and asked him whether or not he wanted me to use the BIPAP machine and he said I could try. 

As I was right in the middle of helping Mom, Nana called.   I asked her if I could call her right back.  I did not know that the BIPAP machine assists the patient; it will not breathe for them.  I remember calling out very loudly, “Mom!!.....Mom!!”

U  Has the primary caregiver educated friends and family concerning the exact functions of equipment and administering medications if they will be left alone to care for the loved one?  U

U  Are the instructions and phone numbers discretely posted in the room?  U

Spring break

I was planning to leave right after school on Friday, March 12^th, to go see Mom.  We only had a half day of school, and I expected to leave around 12:30 p.m.  Our manager at my cookie shop became ill, and I needed to help at the shop especially because we had a birthday party.  Someone had to get in the cow costume, and I knew my help was greatly needed.  I called Dad to make sure it would be okay to come down a little later.  He said he would be there to take care of her, and it would be okay.

The drive down was hard.  I thought of Mom a lot.  When we got there, Mom was in the back bedroom.  It was late, around 9:00 p.m.  She opened her eyes and gave us that ole’ familiar smile.  The kids came in and told her hey, and I began to talk with Dad about taking care of her for the night.  Mom, asked me to stay in the back bedroom, and I told her I was planning on it.  Dad did not stay up long.  He was physically exhausted.  I kind of was thrown the ball, and I had to run with it.  I did not know much about the feeding tube or the BIPAP machine.  I really wanted to get a shower and asked if Lauren could listen out for her.  Mom did not want me to leave her side, so I did not.  After I saw Mom, I thought the Lord was not going to physically heal her.  My goal for the week was also not going to be accomplished.  Mom was not going to get out of the house.