Valentine's Day

 

One night, I had a very difficult conversation with Joann concerning “Mom’s love schedule.”  Dad did not want two of the girls at Mom’s house on the same weekend.  The four girls in my family all have children and dogs.  Dad thought it would be too much on Mom to have more than one family there at a time.  It might have been too stressful for him as well.  Dad also enjoyed having us come down separate weekends to help out.

The conflict was Valentine’s weekend.  I teach and could come down the Friday before Valentine’s Day and stay through Monday, since it was President’s Day.  Joann also wanted to come up.  She only lives a little over an hour from Mom and could come to see her much easier than I could.  I openly sobbed and commented to her that I was counting on one hand the number of times I will be able to see her.  She knew without me saying that I meant the number of times I could see her before she died.  I asked Joann to talk to Dad.

She ended up not coming up the weekend I was there, but Mom also said before I left that we could come whenever we could even if there was someone already there.  I hate being far away from her and not being able to help out as much.

 

Jamie is basically on Mom’s permanent love schedule because she lives in the same town as Mom.  She helps out as much as she can, which is very demanding on her and her family.  Joann made a comment to Jamie to make sure she spent time with her husband.  Jamie commented there was not time for that.

Jennifer lives as far away as I do, and she has been a nurse for a very long time.  When she found out Mom was sick, she put her house up for sale to move closer to her so she could visit her frequently.  She and James had planned to move anyway so everything seemed to be the right time.  Several months went by and the house did not sell.  Over these next few months, Mom deteriorated so quickly, it was not advantageous for them to move.  With a new nurses’ job, she would not be able to get time off as readily as she needed to see Mom.  In order for her to help out with “Mom’s love schedule” they did not move so she could take off a lot time from work that she had built up over the years.

                                               

  U   If there is a conflict with the “love schedule,” what is the best way to resolve the conflict?  U 

U      Have you frequently asked your loved one what their wishes are concerning people visiting them?  U 

U      Would it be advantageous for a family member to move?  U

Christmas

The hardest time came for me around Christmas.  With the latest news of Mom’s life expectancy decreasing, I knew this Christmas would probably be her last.  I cried constantly without letting my family know.  I cried mainly at night when I was doing my devotion.  I also cried when I looked at the pictures of Mom and Dad in my den.  I looked at how she used to be and thought about how she was now.  I had thoughts of her holding my kids when they were babies and her hugging us.  Things one would take for granted, simple things like giving someone a hug…..something Mom can no longer do.   Everything at one time was perfect; now all has changed.

U  Are you taking for granted something as simple as a hug?  U

There was a silent Lord’s Supper on Christmas Eve at my church.  We read along in the bulletin, reflected on Christ, and listened to beautiful music being played on the organ.  I struggled with trying to focus on the service, but my mind constantly thought of Mom.  As I sat and prayed, tears constantly flowed down my face.  I would quickly wipe them away so no one could tell I was crying.  I remember during one song, it sounded as though there were angels.  It was beautiful music, and I lavished it for a brief moment.

My sisters and I had “Christmas” all planned out.  We actually celebrated Christmas during Thanksgiving, as we were to spend Christmas at Paul’s parent’s house this year.  We all would bring something to Mom’s house we had made for “Christmas” dinner.  It was a great time to have the whole family together.