Valentine's Day

 

One night, I had a very difficult conversation with Joann concerning “Mom’s love schedule.”  Dad did not want two of the girls at Mom’s house on the same weekend.  The four girls in my family all have children and dogs.  Dad thought it would be too much on Mom to have more than one family there at a time.  It might have been too stressful for him as well.  Dad also enjoyed having us come down separate weekends to help out.

The conflict was Valentine’s weekend.  I teach and could come down the Friday before Valentine’s Day and stay through Monday, since it was President’s Day.  Joann also wanted to come up.  She only lives a little over an hour from Mom and could come to see her much easier than I could.  I openly sobbed and commented to her that I was counting on one hand the number of times I will be able to see her.  She knew without me saying that I meant the number of times I could see her before she died.  I asked Joann to talk to Dad.

She ended up not coming up the weekend I was there, but Mom also said before I left that we could come whenever we could even if there was someone already there.  I hate being far away from her and not being able to help out as much.

 

Jamie is basically on Mom’s permanent love schedule because she lives in the same town as Mom.  She helps out as much as she can, which is very demanding on her and her family.  Joann made a comment to Jamie to make sure she spent time with her husband.  Jamie commented there was not time for that.

Jennifer lives as far away as I do, and she has been a nurse for a very long time.  When she found out Mom was sick, she put her house up for sale to move closer to her so she could visit her frequently.  She and James had planned to move anyway so everything seemed to be the right time.  Several months went by and the house did not sell.  Over these next few months, Mom deteriorated so quickly, it was not advantageous for them to move.  With a new nurses’ job, she would not be able to get time off as readily as she needed to see Mom.  In order for her to help out with “Mom’s love schedule” they did not move so she could take off a lot time from work that she had built up over the years.

                                               

  U   If there is a conflict with the “love schedule,” what is the best way to resolve the conflict?  U 

U      Have you frequently asked your loved one what their wishes are concerning people visiting them?  U 

U      Would it be advantageous for a family member to move?  U