Mom’s gravesite

Ashton wanted to visit Mom’s grave.  I did not ask any questions, but thought he may need to figure out things in his mind.  Or maybe he needed to go to the gravesite to help in the healing process.  Nevertheless, I thought it was necessary to grant his request.  I knew Lauren would not want to go.   On the way home, I told her Ashton wanted to go to Mom’s gravesite; she said she did not want to go.  I told her she could wait in the car.  Dad wanted me to look around at headstones I may like to get ideas for Mom’s grave.

I knew the visit would be hard, so I started praying the Lord would prepare me.  I cried a lot on the trip there thinking about her frequently.  When we arrived, I told Lauren she could stay in the car.  On the walk over to Mom’s grave, I asked Ashton why he wanted to come, and he answered, “Because she was your mom.”

U  Are you praying for the Lord to prepare you for the tough times ahead of you?  U

We had taken a single lily flower to put on her grave because I told Ashton to pick one out at church, and he broke one off.  I found a rock to keep it from blowing away.  I stood behind him because I did not want him to see me cry.  He was doing great the whole time and did not cry.  He said, “I’ll promise to come visit her grave when I can…when I’m older.”

 

Two things really bothered me while I was there.  One thing I cried about was Mom can’t pray for me anymore.  I thought of the song that talks about the difference a Mom’s prayers had made in someone’s life.

As I was writing the thank you notes to the people that gave to the youth group, I came across Aunt Julie’s name.  I thought I would ask her if she would pray for me and my family.  I knew she would, but I thought I would ask.  Tears fell like crazy as I wrote the note to her.

The other thing that really bothered me was I just wanted to touch her.  As I was standing at her grave, I realized I could not touch her, and it really hurt.  The closest thing I could do was touch the earth over her grave.  So I did.

 

I also thought about what Mom would have said to me or told me if I had not left to go to the store a few hours before she died.  One of my sisters reminded me she could not really talk anyway. 

 

One of the things I wanted to do was get the card Nana signed from Mom’s flowers.  I found the flowers on the edge of the woods where they were discarded.  I dug through them and found the card from Nana and the card from the flowers my sisters and I sent.

 

Ashton wanted to walk around, so I had a little quiet time to myself.  I walked around and looked at the tombstones.  I really liked the tombstone Nana’s first husband and Pops have.  It was simple but elegant.  Several of the newer tombstones had the children’s names on the back.  Lauren asked, “How was the visit?”  I told her it was hard.  I told her someday she would go and visit.  She did not understand why.

   

U  Are you being sensitive and honoring the requests of the children/grandchildren by not making them walk to the gravesite?  U