Memories

This is the one area I struggle with the most.  It is almost as if she has been swiped from my memory.  This disturbs me greatly.  I struggle to remember the things she said to me through the years.  Times we had spent together…..vanished.  I make myself draw back to her.  Tonight, I went out to the back porch and moved the chimes, so they would make noise.  I was cleaning out a closet and found Mom’s hairbrush.  I stroked it.  It had her hair in it.  I can’t make it a shrine, but I did hide it.  I could not throw it away.

I am so very thankful God gives us memories.  Yes, some are painful, but I cling to the memories I have that bring me joy.  The one I have clung to lately is envisioning Mom in the bathtub doing her devotion.  That is a memory which can never be taken away from me.  I cherish that memory.  Memories are all I have.

I was reminded on the ride down to Dad’s a profound thought.  “That’s not Mom anymore.”  The statement is referring to her body in the casket.  I knew she was not there, and she was in Heaven, but my mind could not fully grasp that thought.  I talked to her while she was in the casket.  That was all I knew.  I had just been talking with her a few days earlier.  Her body is but a shell.  I cannot put into words the profound meaning I gained from this, but to me it was huge.