Pressing forward (part I)

I sat down with Lauren and Ashton separately about a week ago to tell them Dad was dating Claudia.  I told them they would meet her and to just treat her like they would anyone else, like family.  Ashton was okay with things, and I can’t remember anything he said.  As I was talking with Lauren, big tears streamed down her face.  Towards the end of the conversation, she said, “I could use another grandmother.”  Mom had always given Lauren special undivided attention, just what she needed.  Lauren loved spending special time with her, and I know she misses it.

U  How can you tenderly tell your children/grandchildren your loved one is dating someone else?  U

I had talked to Dad, and we decided I would meet Claudia at lunch Saturday.  It was a family affair.  Dad, Paul, Lauren, Ashton, and I met her at one of the restaurants on the island.  Lauren was nervous and told me, “I don’t know what to say.”  Her nervousness quickly dissipated as she was devouring all of the attention Claudia was giving her.   Then we all went to the beach for a little while.  It was very windy and a little chilly.  I enjoyed getting to know her.  She made a point of spending time with the kids.  She helped bury Ashton in the sand up to his neck and helped Lauren build a sand castle. 

Dad invited Paul and I to go to his Sunday school class.  He had been telling me how much he liked his teacher.  I knew we would be the spring chicks of the class, but I wanted to go anyway.  He was telling me all about the people I knew in his class.  His Sunday school class served Mom and Dad so selflessly. 

We went by Claudia’s condo and picked her up.  When we got to his class, I saw all the familiar faces.  I saw Lurlyne first, hugged her, and visited with her for a few minutes.  She talked about Mom and said she was such a good friend, and she missed her.  She told me Mom was “her rock.”  Betty walked into the room next, and I hugged her.  I talked with Joan after class and asked her if it was all right for me to write about her in my book.  I knew I may not see her again because she does not live on the island as a full time resident.  I spoke to John, who coordinated cutting Dad’s grass and said hey to his wife.  One of Joann’s best friend’s mother was there.  It was great to see everyone.

The church had recently renovated the children’s wing, and they were having an Open House.  Dad’s Sunday school teacher thanked Dad for Mom’s memorial funds which contributed to the renovations.  I thought it was neat on the anniversary of Mom’s death her church was having this Open House.

I was questioning Dad about the money being used for the children’s wing.  I specifically remember reading in Mom’s funeral arrangements the money was to be used to help the youth who could not afford to go to summer camp.   That was the first time Dad had heard what the money was being used for.  I was upset the money was not used for the youth this summer.

This bothered me, so I called the church and talked to the secretary.  She apologized and said at first the money was supposed to be used for the youth, and it got changed to children.  I told her no and that Mom was the youth director, and her passion was the youth.  Somewhere there was a miscommunication.  Maybe it needs to be written out what delineates children from youth.  I suggested there to be a form the family fills out which states what specifically the money is to be used for and for the family to be contacted before the money is spent.  I told her now that it is done, Mom wouldn’t have cared.  I just didn’t want it to happen to someone else.  Later, the secretary talked to Dad, and they may get some money from somewhere else, so the money can be used for the youth.

U  Is there a specific form you can fill out concerning the very specific wishes of your loved one so the money can be used appropriately?  U

Thankfully, this did get taken care of.  The money was placed back into a fund for youth that could not afford to go to summer camp.  The secretary did tell Dad there may not be many people which will need the funds.  Most of the families are able to pay for their children to go to camp.  Dad told them they could use the money for a piece of equipment the youth needed, and they will call before any money is spent.