I'll see

One of the hard things I have faced through this is talking about my feelings to Paul.  I will tell him the details of how Mom is doing but not much else.  He has not seen me breakdown in front of him, and I am glad I have not.

 

Last night, I was telling him about Mom and trying to figure out my upcoming visit with her.  Paul has to go out of town for business, so he cannot accompany us to Mom’s house.  He was going to be in Florida, and I suggested he come by Mom’s house on the way back home.  I told him one of my sisters made a comment that she did not know how much longer Mom had to live, but it did not sound like too much longer.  I asked him to see Mom on Sunday before he went back home.  He replied, “I’ll see.”  Those words cut like a knife, and the tears started rolling down my face.  It was dark in the room because I was about to go to sleep, so he could not see my face.  I told him this may be the last time he sees Mom.  Then I thought if she was dead he’d be able to go.  I laid there and did not speak.  He came back into the room a few minutes later.  I guess he felt bad for answering that way and said it would not be a problem.  He could work it out.

U   What sacrifices of your schedule can you make to visit a loved one because you don’t know which visit will be your last?  U

That same night, as I lay there in bed, another thought popped in my mind.  Mom probably could not wait until she gets to Heaven.  She will not have to worry about her old body because she will have a new one that will not be wrecked with disease and pain.  I know I can’t wait for the Lord to return because of all the things we have to deal with while we are here.