This night

This night was the hardest night I have ever gone through in my entire life.  Mom just could not get settled.  She needed her feet or head raised or lowered, her pillows needed to be adjusted, she needed a drink of water, she needed to be fanned, she would get hot and need the covers pulled off, or she needed to be leaned forward to help her breathe better. 

She would sip some water through a straw, swish it around and then spit in a cup.  She did not want to swallow because she did not want to choke.  Several times, she had me wake up Dad to help her.  One time we helped her get to the couch so she could sit up to breathe better.  She found some comfort in having us sit her up on the side of the bed with her feet dangling over.  She would lean all the way forward over her legs.  Another time was to deal with bathroom issues.  I was constantly up with her throughout the night.  I think I may have gotten two hours sleep.

She talked a lot in her sleep, and I did not know if she was calling me to get me up or if she was rambling on.  One time, in her sleep she said, “I knew it would be hard.”  Another time she mumbled a few words that woke me up, and at the end of the sentence she said, “….was just there.”  I started to get frustrated once or twice.  Her commands were usually one word.  I selfishly thought to myself why she did not say please.  Then I remember back to when I was in labor, and my words to Paul were one word and there was not a please behind it.

U  Do you have selfish expectations you can set aside?  U

U   Are you cherishing the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still with you?  U

Dad greeted her the next morning with a silly welcome by saying, “Good morning, fart blossom.”  He came in to replenish the food for the feeding tube.  He teased her by saying something to the effect that he was giving her, “eggs and bacon.”  I was tired and needed a shower.  Dad said he could hear her through the monitor and for me to go ahead.  I told him Mom wanted someone to stay in the room with her, so he did.

Most of the day, I remember flipping through the channels trying to find something for her to watch on TV.  I wanted to take the kids to the beach that day.  It was chilly and they needed to wear their sweats.  They had a good time.  I came back and relieved Dad.

I asked Mom if she had written down her Shrimp Creole recipe.  She said she did.  I did not know how long it would be before she passed away, and I did not want the recipe to be lost.  Mom knew it was my favorite dish.  When she would call me and asked what I wanted her to fix for supper, my usual response was, “Shrimp Creole.”

U  Are there important things you want to make sure get handed down?  (Maybe you could ask another family member first.  In retrospect, I probably made her sad by asking about the recipe.)  U

Dad had placed some birdfeed on the ledge of the window in Mom’s room, so she could see the squirrels eating on the ledge.  When I would see a squirrel, I would tell Mom to look out the window.  One time, I showed her a squirrel that was on the tire swing.  The squirrel was biting at the string on the tire.  I don’t know what he was trying to do.

U  Can you place a feeder outside their window so they can enjoy seeing God’s creatures or plant flowers so they can enjoy His nature?  U