Different stages

I really enjoyed reading Final Gifts that was written by two Hospice nurses.  It talks about final gifts people who are dying leave their families; things such as wisdom, faith, and love.  It helped me to understand the different stages people go through when they learn someone is sick and going to die.  The stages are bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Since I thought the Lord was going to heal Mom, my sisters were at a different stage than me.  They had already gone through all the stages and had accepted she was going to die.

 

The weekend after Mom died was the hardest for me.  On March 21^st, I went to my cookie shop because it was closed and typed a lot.  I was talking to Joann, telling her how I felt.  I guess I was in the depression stage.  She called back a few days later to check on me because she was worried.  She was concerned about my faith because I thought Mom was going to be healed, and she was not.

 

The book stated, “Some wait to die until certain people arrive, or until others leave, or until the ones they care about most have the right kind of support.”  I struggle with this statement the authors made, “….understand that if the dying person wants you there when death comes, you probably will be there; if he doesn’t, you probably won’t.”  It reminded me again of the guilty feelings of me leaving when she told me not to.  That she wanted me there to possibly pass away sooner.  It made me think she did not want Nana and Julie to see her like she was, and she passed away before they got there.  I don’t know if these are correct doctrinal statements concerning God’s will about death.  One day I guess I can ask Him that question. 

 

She wanted me to be there when she passed away.  Why me?  I guess she thought I would handle it best.  It was extremely stressful to go through, but I wanted to be there.  She probably did not want to put the burden on Jamie because she is pregnant or on Dad either.

 

I have had to deal with my grief head on in writing this book.  I called my sisters and Dad asking them questions to make sure I wrote everything as accurately as possible.  I hope I have not made any errors and have tried the best I could with my limited recollection.  This book was written from MY perspective, and I may have read certain things into different situations.

 

Other family members are dealing with the loss of Mom differently.  I feel as though one person is keeping their feelings suppressed, or at an arm’s length.  I guess in order to not deal with it or to protect them.  Maybe she does not want to tackle all the emotions because it is too painful for now.  I have the video and pictures of Mom’s funeral, and she is not ready to see them yet.  I am adding this paragraph ten months after Mom’s death. 

 

A member of Mom’s church gave me a tiny booklet called, Healing the Griefs of Life; it is a great little booklet concerning grief.  The author recommends six steps when experiencing grief, and in the final step he recommends helping someone who is grieving.  This is where I am now.  This is one of the reasons I feel the Lord wants me to write this book.

U  Are you allowing yourself to grieve or are you suppressing your emotions?  U

Callanan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. Final Gifts. New York: Bantam Books, 1997.
       197, 228.

Ogilvie, Lloyd John. Healing the Griefs of Life. Hollywood: Let God Love You,

       1994.