Jamie called me
yesterday, February 20th, to prepare me for Dad’s phone call. She told me Dad was only dating one person
now; her name is Claudia. She was the
lady in the picture on Dad’s chest-of-drawers and the lady that went on the
cruise. I was glad Jamie called. She said Dad wanted us to know before we (my
sisters) came into town because he wanted us to meet her. I told Jamie it would be less abrasive if I
met her at lunch and not at the house.
I am going down to
St. Simons for spring break. The last
time I went to St. Simons for spring break, Mom passed away. It is even going to be more difficult because
I will be there March 14th, the day Mom passed away, and I am going
to meet Claudia. It will probably take
me three weeks to mentally prepare myself.
The tears fell like rain last night.
Why does this have to be so hard?
To me, it is almost like another death, it is like grieving all over
again. It is so painful. I remember looking at Mom’s picture a long
time ago when I found out Dad was dating and said, “I’m sorry Mom.” It is so personal. I guess it has been harder on me because I
have had to deal with Mom’s death almost every day as I have written and edited
this book for a year. I have not been
able to separate myself from the book…….from the past. The Lord also makes each person differently,
and I have had a harder time dealing with it than my sisters.
I talked to Jennifer
on the phone yesterday. I told
her the only thing I will ask Dad is if Claudia has asked Jesus to be her
personal Lord and Savior. The Bible says
we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
U Are
you praying for the future spouse of your loved one that they would be a
believer? U
Next month will be a
year since Mom has passed away. I know
everything will eventually be okay for me.
Just the shock and reality of him dating will take time to heal and
mend. It is going to be another hurt to
overcome. I know I would want to remarry
and to move on with my life if Paul passed away. Dad has had to go through the emotions of
processing everything out such as accepting her death, moving forward with his
life, and looking to the future. I have
not gone through all these processes yet.
I know the Lord will continue to help me heal and mend this heart of
mine.
The one song that
keeps comforting me during this period of time is, “He Will Carry Me,” by Mark
Schultz. As I was reading the words for
the first time today, it did not surprise me he wrote the words, “Can mend this
heart of mine.” I felt I had the Lord’s
help in coming up with a title for this chapter and was confirmed for the
millionth time. Mark wrote in the jacket
cover of his CD, “This song was not originally going to be on this record. It was meant for another project but I never
forgot about it because I listened to it one night about a year ago over and
over and over again when I had been so discouraged. I was holding on to it like a life raft in a
storm in the middle of the ocean. This
is a clear picture of what God will do if you call out to Him.” This should be confirmation to Mark that the
Lord had a reason why he wanted this song on this album. If not for anyone else, it was just what I
needed, when I needed it. ( I encourage
you to look up the words of the song!)
Last night, the
scripture I read in my devotion stated, “And the God of all grace, who called
you in his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered for a little while,
will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (NIV,
1 Peter 5.10) This scripture comforted
me as I struggled to ask God to help me let go and move forward. I gave Him everything: Mom, her death, Dad,
the future, and my book. The things I
don’t understand, I am going to have to trust in Him.
U
Are you giving your loved one up
unto the Lord? U
Shultz, Mark. “He Will Carry Me.” Mark Schultz, Stories & Songs. Word
Entertainment LLC, Nashville. 2003.
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