Her last tear (part II)

By then a lot of Mom and Dad’s closest friends had come over.  I walked back into the room where she was and two of her best friends were sitting on the adjacent bed.  They were talking about Mom for a while.  Several other friends came by, as well as their preacher, Jim Smith.  We all circled around Mom and said a prayer.  One of the ladies said she was, “perfectly healed.”  I asked the Lord to heal her, and today she is singing and praising Jesus with a perfect body.  Another lady said, “I can’t believe that she’s finished all that she was here to do.”

U  Can you be there to comfort a friend?  (I thought it was special for Dad’s closest friends to be there for him right after Mom passed away.)  U

U  Friends, can you put yourself in their shoes?  If you were in their shoes, what would you want your friends to do:  to stay at an arms distance and give you a little space, call to check up on you, bring you meals, or come by and visit you?  (Everyone is different.)  Could you ask them which one of these they need?  Can you make it verbal somehow that you are there for them?  Can you still include them in your plans?  U

U  If your loved one passed away can you communicate to your friends what you need?  How do they know how to act unless they have been through the same thing? (You may say you need a little time and you will call them.   Communication is important; no one should assume anything.)  U

I went back into the den, and Dad was sitting in between two of his friends on the couch.  He openly wept again.  He was crying once again about me being alone when Mom passed away.  I sat down next to him, and he put his arm around me.  I again assured him I wanted to be there when she passed away.

By then, Angie came to the house.  She pronounced her dead at 3:00 pm.  I saw that time on the death certificate and told her it was wrong because it was 2:30 pm.  She said that was the time she assessed her and determined her death.  She hugged me, and she said it was so unexpected.  I asked her if the Morphine had anything to do with her dying, and she said no.  She said she thought I would ask that question.  She had already looked at the medicines, and there was not much gone.  She mentioned some patients needed a lot more and more frequently.  She had to count and destroy the leftover drugs.  Lurlyne, one of Mom’s friends, witnessed that for me. 

Angie asked if I cared if she laid Mom’s bed down flat, and I told her no.  We were fixing the pillows under Mom’s head, and her head plopped down to the side.  Out of habit I said, “Sorry Mom.”  Then I felt a little silly because she was dead.  Everything still had not sunk in yet.  I thought I heard Mom talking as I passed by one of the rooms and again remembered she was not there.  The pillowcase on her bed had the words, “Home Sweet Home,” written on it.  Angie pulled the sheet up to Mom’s chest and folded her hands over her body.  She tried to hold Mom’s chin shut so her mouth would not be open.

Dad’s friends brought Lauren and Ashton to the house.  There were a lot of people at the house, and the first thing Ashton asked was why there were so many people.  I took them out to the back patio and sat them down.  I told them the reason there were so many people there is because Granny passed away.  Ashton did not know what that meant so, I told him Granny died, and she was with Jesus in Heaven.  They both cried.  I told them if they wanted to, they could both go see her.  Ashton hopped up and wanted to see her right away.  Lauren was not ready yet.  I told them they could kiss her, hug her, and tell her anything they wanted to, but she was not there.

U   Are you giving your children/grandchildren the choice to view their deceased loved one?  U

I walked them back to the room where she was.  They both visited with her for a while.  Lauren was ready to leave, but Ashton was not.  I walked Lauren out of the room and told someone to take care of her.  When I went back into the room, Ashton was pouring his heart out to her.  I wish I could remember what he said.  It was precious.  One of the comments Lauren said was, “At least we don’t have to worry about how loud we are.”

U  Are you taking into consideration the differences of each child’s sensitivity concerning the death of their loved one?  U

Grandmother walked over to the house.  She had her walker with her, and I helped her through the kitchen.  She asked if someone was going to go back with her, and I told her I was.  She sat down in the chair next to Mom and wanted to be alone with her, so I left.            

Angie said it would take forty-five minutes to an hour for the funeral home to get there and asked if anyone else was coming by to see her before they came.  Paul had gotten there meanwhile.  I did not want the kids to see when they came to get her.  He took them to do something away from the house.  Everyone had gotten there to see her.  Joann and Jennifer lived too far away so Angie called the funeral home.