Oh, the Little Details

I took Grandmother’s charm bracelet and added my charm and Mom’s charm, also engraved with my birthdate. I took my cousins' charms off for them to get. I will pass the bracelet to Lauren because it represents her grandmother and great-grandmother. I can’t wait to wear it.

I wanted to make sure my cousins did not mind if I kept the bracelet, so I messaged them and hoped no one cared. No, I did not have to do this even though their charms were on the bracelet. One may think I shouldn’t have said anything, but I wanted a clear conscience. I did what was right, and they did not care.

Dad gave me two neat pennants the preachers brought as they visited Grandmother. I like the one made with two nails shaped like a cross.

 

 UHave you considered how you will act regarding your loved one’s belongings? (Should little items be put in a will?)U

 UIf there are items you want certain people to have, can you do it in private because other family members may wish to have their possessions, too?    U

UMany relatives from out of town will gather for a funeral. Have you considered communicating your plans to others so everyone can see each other? A simple gathering such as a last-minute meal with a few relatives may mean a lot to someone.U

Grandmother (part V)

Grandmother’s large hat rested by her photo, and a pretty linen covered her box of ashes. Claudia and Dad's large flower arrangement decorated the front of the church. The flowers would remain for Sunday’s church service.

Church members held a reception after the service and decided to have a receiving line. Although we weren't prepared for one, we organized everyone and met many people from her church, Dad’s church, and others who loved Grandmother. 

Grandmother wanted me to go through her clothes and get what I wanted, so I went to her house. I didn’t want her clothes but wanted a few sentimental items. I found a writing pen from her church, a Beanie Baby and purse for Lauren, two makeup compacts, a pair of earrings for my sissy, her charm bracelet with my charm and my cousins with our birthdays engraved on them, a few of her cushioned hangers for myself and my sisters, and a few other small items. I also found a card I sent her. 

Grandmother's boxed ashes were sitting on the kitchen table at Dad's house—I wanted to hold them. 

I am holding all that is left of Grandmother. What a strange thought.

I gently rocked it like a ship in a storm, listening to the sounds it made. I don't really know why I did this.

You did a good job, and Grandmother would have been proud,” I told Dad.

On the drive home, we stopped for gas and noticed seagulls flying around the parking lot. 

 I hope Grandmother sees angels flying since she can’t see the seagulls. 

Tonight, I prayed, “Lord, it would be great if You would let me peek into Heaven to see if Grandmother was there. I could celebrate and not be in sorrow.”

It could be the other way around.

I must give it to the Lord, releasing the burden from my heart, and not dwell on it. I can’t do anything now—I did all I was supposed to do.

Grandmother (part IV)

They held her memorial service at 2 p.m., and it was beautifully done. Joann spoke and said the Lord helped her put everything together. She recited a poem and included many heartfelt memories that we girls shared with her. She did a fantastic job, and I know I wouldn't have been able to read it without crying. The poem is titled "Grandmother's Poem."

Most of Joann's poems included lines only my family would understand, so I just listed a few.

“A grandmother’s love, who can fathom?

Love for her family—fierce like a bear

Love for pets (poodles were her fav) and her gardens too. 

Advice on clothes, hair, nails, and manners too.

Wisdom from an immaculate, classy woman.

Stories of younger days,

Of modeling, and a Southern Bell too. 

She continued reading the poem, reminding us of all the precious memories and quirks of our wonderful grandmother, whom we all loved. 

Joann beautifully ended the poem by saying, “Grandmothers truly know what it means to LOVE unconditionally. They take pride in watching us grow & in seeing us mature. We see ourselves in them & they see their youth in us. We’ll thank God for allowing our grandmother, Margaret Royal, to love, guide & influence us.” 

Grandmother (part III)

We drove to St. Simons Friday night. Joann called and asked what memories I had of Grandmother because Dad wanted her to speak during Grandmother’s memorial service. 

My fondest memories are of Grandmother’s river dock house. We’d go there frequently when I was young, and the many times we crabbed at her house inspired my love of crabbing. 

Once, I caught a snapping turtle and a stingray in my crab net, too.

I remember my kids’ playing cards with her, like “Go Fish,” “War,” and others. They looked forward to spending special time with her.

I woke up early Saturday morning and went to the beach to take pictures. I took a few photos while thinking of Grandmother. It’s hard to believe she is not here.

We gathered at Dad and Claudia's house at noon because several ladies from their church honored us by bringing a lunch for the family. I was pulling out gray hairs in the bathroom when everyone arrived, taking after Mom. 

Grandmother (part II)

Dad called Wednesday and said she was not going to last much longer. 

“Do you want to say something to her? I will hold the phone to her ear. She will probably not hear you.” 

“I still want to talk to her anyway.”

“Thank you for being a wonderful . . . grandmother and a special person. Ashton, Lauren, and Paul think the same thing. You need Jesus because He is the most important person—you need to ask Him into her heart,” I said as my words turned to crying.

These are the last words I would say to her.

Paul hadn’t seen his grandparents much because they lived far away. Two of his grandparents died when he was in high school or college, and three died before he was born. Fortunately, he had mine. 

I received a text from Joann on January 5, 2012. She wrote, “Grandmother is finally at peace and no longer in pain. She passed away at 2:40 p.m. The memorial service will be on Saturday at 2:00 p.m. at her church on St. Simons. Her service will be at the cemetery in Savannah in the upcoming weeks when it is convenient for our cousins and us.”

There will not an open casket because Grandmother was cremated—she didn’t want people to see her that way.

I called Dad to see if he wanted us to stay at a hotel. Things would be hectic around his house, and I did not want to make it worse.

“I want your family to stay here.”

He was talkative, which surprised me a little, and he was excited to see everyone. He might have felt relieved after managing Grandmother’s finances and many other things for years. 

Grandmother (part I)

 

Dad sent me an email saying that they referred Grandmother to hospice, and a hospice nurse will assess her in two days. The next day, Dad sent another brief email with the subject line “Mother.” I hesitated before opening it because I feared it might be bad news. 

His short email stated, “She is sinking fast!! Horrible sight. Dad.”

I called Dad to check on Grandmother.

“Grandmother had a bad day yesterday—she is restless. I’ve not seen her eyes open all the way in three days.”

“I’m sorry, Dad.”

“She’s not able to swallow, so they gave her meds under her tongue and made her comfortable. Jamie visited Grandmother, and Grandmother opened her eyes briefly but did not know Jamie was there.” 

“I want to see her.”

“I don’t think she will recognize you or know you’re here. I think you should remember her the way you saw her last.” 

    Grandmother is not ready to die because I still don’t think she knows Jesus. She wouldn’t let me have conversations about salvation. 

“That is personal information,” she would tell me.

Before I went to bed, I cried and prayed, “Lord, I want her to meet you so bad because I don’t want her to go to Hell.” 

    She is a wonderful grandmother. I prayed for her salvation for years asking that Jesus would call her to Him. I wish I could do something for her, but I can’t. She must recognize her need for Him and invite Him into her life. I prayed she would be awake enough to do so. I did not know what to pray for—the Holy Spirit would do that for me. 

In Their Shoes

Most of what I’ve experienced is for the benefit of others. I’ve reflected on my current pain and quest to find what’s wrong. I have walked in the shoes of those who believe they have a terminal illness, and I understand that they constantly grapple with complex symptoms.

The long wait for my diagnosis is challenging. Other doctors seemed they didn’t care or care enough to help—the list goes on. At least I have drugs to relieve my pain. 

The bottom line is compassion. When a person is facing illness, show empathy. We have no idea what they’re going through until we’ve walked in their shoes.

U Can you show compassion for those with an illness, disability, or disease?  U 

U Have you wondered what it’s like to walk in their shoes? (We should be thankful for the little things.) U