A silver lining

On the last trip to Mom’s house, Jamie told me she was pregnant and was due in the summer.  I thought this was great because I viewed it as a silver lining.  Maybe Mom could hold onto hope to see that beautiful grandchild.  A few days later, Jamie called me and told me she was spotting.  I suggested she go to the doctor.  She did not tell Mom, and I prayed for that tiny baby to be all right.

Everything ended up okay, but she was not allowed to lift anything over thirty pounds.  So if Mom fell, she would not be able to pick her up.  She would have to call someone and get them to come and help her up.

Bring it on!!!!

 

I thought Mom would enjoy Lauren and Ashton sending her cards each week.  I knew Dad, or whichever sister was visiting her, would have to open the card for her to read.  The one message that has been prominent in my children’s letters is Mom getting healed.  Mom has been keeping their letters and cards.  In one letter, Lauren told Mom she prayed each night for the Lord to heal her.  Jennifer read this particular letter to Mom and she said, “Bring it on!”  This was a funny statement Jennifer said came from Mom.  She would not typically make a statement like that.

For years, Mom has sent the kids things in the mail about once a month.  Ashton especially anticipates the letters and gets very excited when he receives them.  She will send them various things:  the kid’s section in the Wednesday’s paper, a section of the paper about a particular subject they would like, a Sunday school bulletin, stickers, but the best thing is the dollar bill she puts in there.  The last time I was at Mom’s house, my sisters and I helped put together the envelopes to all the grandkids so Mom could just drop them in the mail.  In return, I wanted them to write her each week.   
     

U      In what way can your children/grandchildren be asked to minister to your loved one?  U

Brenda

Mom cannot be alone at this point and needs someone to care for her at all times.  Brenda comes each morning to take care of her.  At first, my parents hired her to clean the house and help feed Mom.  Now, she is the primary caregiver in the mornings.  Mom told her she was not going to get any better.

In the afternoons, friends come over to visit with Mom until Jamie gets off from work.  Jamie then stays until Dad gets home.  Grandmother has helped out a lot and has been a blessing.  She lives across the street from Mom and comes over to help her in whatever way she can, even if it is to just sit with her.  Grandmother fell a long time ago and broke her leg, but her leg never healed right.  She has to walk with a cane or use a wheelchair at times.

 

If we cannot come down for the weekend, we would have to hire someone or Dad would have to be there 24/7.  Just getting her up to go to the restroom was a major task.  She has to wear a special belt around her waist to help us hoist her up without straining our backs.  It has two loops around it for us to grab.  After getting her up, we have to hold onto her as she struggles to put one foot in front of the other.  She has fallen several times before and luckily did not break any bones.

This particular weekend was my weekend to take care of Mom.  One Sunday morning on the way to church, I was walking Mom to the car and her feet stumbled under her.  She fell, but I caught her.  I lowered her down to her knees.  I learned from a previous mistake, that instead of panicking, I needed to remain calm.  She said, “You are not going to be able to get me up.”  I told her in a stern voice, “Yes, I am.”  I pulled her by the loops on her belt until she stood erect.  She was not hurt, and we continued on our journey to church.

    U  Who will be the caregiver for your loved one? (The caregiver needs to make sure they take care of themselves while being a caregiver.)   U

Valentine's Day

 

One night, I had a very difficult conversation with Joann concerning “Mom’s love schedule.”  Dad did not want two of the girls at Mom’s house on the same weekend.  The four girls in my family all have children and dogs.  Dad thought it would be too much on Mom to have more than one family there at a time.  It might have been too stressful for him as well.  Dad also enjoyed having us come down separate weekends to help out.

The conflict was Valentine’s weekend.  I teach and could come down the Friday before Valentine’s Day and stay through Monday, since it was President’s Day.  Joann also wanted to come up.  She only lives a little over an hour from Mom and could come to see her much easier than I could.  I openly sobbed and commented to her that I was counting on one hand the number of times I will be able to see her.  She knew without me saying that I meant the number of times I could see her before she died.  I asked Joann to talk to Dad.

She ended up not coming up the weekend I was there, but Mom also said before I left that we could come whenever we could even if there was someone already there.  I hate being far away from her and not being able to help out as much.

 

Jamie is basically on Mom’s permanent love schedule because she lives in the same town as Mom.  She helps out as much as she can, which is very demanding on her and her family.  Joann made a comment to Jamie to make sure she spent time with her husband.  Jamie commented there was not time for that.

Jennifer lives as far away as I do, and she has been a nurse for a very long time.  When she found out Mom was sick, she put her house up for sale to move closer to her so she could visit her frequently.  She and James had planned to move anyway so everything seemed to be the right time.  Several months went by and the house did not sell.  Over these next few months, Mom deteriorated so quickly, it was not advantageous for them to move.  With a new nurses’ job, she would not be able to get time off as readily as she needed to see Mom.  In order for her to help out with “Mom’s love schedule” they did not move so she could take off a lot time from work that she had built up over the years.

                                               

  U   If there is a conflict with the “love schedule,” what is the best way to resolve the conflict?  U 

U      Have you frequently asked your loved one what their wishes are concerning people visiting them?  U 

U      Would it be advantageous for a family member to move?  U

“Mom’s love schedule”

My sisters and I were trying to set up what Joann called “Mom’s love schedule” in which we all scheduled a weekend to visit Mom.  We were trying to cover all the weekends for the next couple of months.  A copy of the schedule was printed out for each of us.

Dad, even though he is retired, decided to work another full time job.  Mom doesn’t want him at home all the time taking care of her and would rather have him work.  All my life, Mom has served Dad, my three sisters, and I.  We had breakfast waiting for us on the table in the morning and supper in the evenings.  She went ninety to nothing all day.

 

Mom worked as a secretary at a local church to help put us through college.  She came home, cleaned, and washed a billion loads of clothes.  Now, she can’t do anything.  So Dad has a permanent love schedule of doing all he normally does plus all the things Mom used to do.  When I go home, I ask Dad if there is anything I can help him do.  I wash the clothes, clean, or whatever is needed.

U Can you make a “love schedule” for your loved one? U

Christmas

The hardest time came for me around Christmas.  With the latest news of Mom’s life expectancy decreasing, I knew this Christmas would probably be her last.  I cried constantly without letting my family know.  I cried mainly at night when I was doing my devotion.  I also cried when I looked at the pictures of Mom and Dad in my den.  I looked at how she used to be and thought about how she was now.  I had thoughts of her holding my kids when they were babies and her hugging us.  Things one would take for granted, simple things like giving someone a hug…..something Mom can no longer do.   Everything at one time was perfect; now all has changed.

U  Are you taking for granted something as simple as a hug?  U

There was a silent Lord’s Supper on Christmas Eve at my church.  We read along in the bulletin, reflected on Christ, and listened to beautiful music being played on the organ.  I struggled with trying to focus on the service, but my mind constantly thought of Mom.  As I sat and prayed, tears constantly flowed down my face.  I would quickly wipe them away so no one could tell I was crying.  I remember during one song, it sounded as though there were angels.  It was beautiful music, and I lavished it for a brief moment.

My sisters and I had “Christmas” all planned out.  We actually celebrated Christmas during Thanksgiving, as we were to spend Christmas at Paul’s parent’s house this year.  We all would bring something to Mom’s house we had made for “Christmas” dinner.  It was a great time to have the whole family together.



Praying for Mom to be healed

I had been praying for quite some time for Mom to be healed.  I felt as though I was all alone in this endeavor.  Through telephone conversations with my sisters, I found out they felt God was answering prayer by taking her life early so she would not have to suffer.