Afterword (part III)

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the real hard times I described in the chapter “Friday Night.” As difficult as the night was, at least she was alive and still with me. 

Lean on God for your strength and ask Him to help you through and give you peace. Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still here.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend who is terminally ill, I grieve for you. I got teary-eyed writing that sentence. What you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers; we have only trod the same path. The one person who does have all the answers is Jesus. 

Be comforted by the scriptures, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NLT). “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother, because I may be experiencing the same feelings Mary had. Why did God choose me? I am an ordinary girl. Can I do what You want me to accomplish? How will I get it done? What will people think?

I am honored—honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feelings I have tonight. What an indescribable feeling I’ve never had before. I am in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish His excellent work.

Afterword (part II)

 

Jennifer mailed Mom a card a few days before she died. The card arrived after Mom passed away. In the card, Jennifer stated, “She was the best mom, and in her constant thoughts.” She was thankful for Mom and wanted to tell her again. 

She said Mom was an awesome example seen by others. Jennifer’s friend mentioned that our family has been an inspiration to her, with Mom leading the pack.

These thoughts were important for Jennifer to tell Mom.

The last time Jennifer called, Mom struggled to talk because she was dehydrated. It was awkward because Jennifer had to carry the conversation. She did not get to tell Mom all the things she wanted to. Jennifer stayed up with Mom most of the night—it was difficult to say the least.

Afterword (part I)

 

 

Only God knows the true intent of this book. Early on, I felt bombarded through sermons as though Jesus was speaking to me about publishing this book. In one sermon I heard, Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat and pushed the boat into the water. Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch anything. Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5, NIV). He cast his nets, which were so full of fish, the nets were breaking. Another boat came—they filled both boats and they started sinking.

 

This book was written because I obeyed the Lord. 

Because You say so, Lord, I will.

God has accomplished His will in ways I’ll never know.

It was not the Lord’s will to physically heal Mom, so I was with my journal not knowing what to do. I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students to pray for the Lord’s wisdom. 

The answer has been clear. Walk by Faith Through Death:  Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death and Terminal Illness was written for His honor and glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. The book will minister to people going through the death of a friend, loved one, or someone with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to mask specific issues. I wanted you to see the whole picture. If I our hid problems, you would not glean helpful information. 

I have omitted specific comments made by family members to avoid upsetting them. I did not want to step on anyone’s toes. All family members aren’t mentioned by name because there are too many names for you to remember. I have tried to be careful about what information should be included and removed what was unnecessary.  

The final chapter

Writing and editing this book was difficult, as it brought many tears and sad moments because I had to relive her death over and over again. During her illness, I had to walk by faith and depend on the Lord to see me through. I rejoice because Momma is in Heaven, and hopefully, this book has helped you.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind is my favorite verse: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT). This verse has helped me through difficult times, reminding me God is still in control and loves us.

I prayed and asked the Lord to write every word He wanted in this book and remove every word He didn’t want. Stories in the Face of Death:  Confronting 264 Challenging Questions Surrounding Death and Terminal Illness is His book. He placed this message on my heart.

I’ve told my sisters and friends I am just a P.E. teacher—writing a book is out of the box. 

The book Can One Person Make A Difference? states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks. He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips. If God is in it, anything is possible!” 

Satan tries to convince me I can’t do anything. He has harassed the dickens out of me and would love that I not do the Lord’s will, but my God is greater.

I am honored the Lord chosen me to do this work, and I am excited about what He will do. 

Momma was a wonderful person. Even though she isn’t here, she lives on in my family’s memories and hearts. She did leave the house . . . to go to Heaven. I can’t imagine how big her smile is now.

As I envision Mom in Heaven, I wonder what the Lord assigned her to do. Maybe your holding your brother’s hand as you walk the streets of gold or you’re playing tag with the children in the open fields—probably both and more. Maybe you’re among the kids playing with shaving cream? Perhaps you have the title of Youth Director. Whatever it is, she will be serving others.

 

The same God who walked with me by faith is the same God who will walk with you too. He will see you through. Many blessings! ~ Judy

U  WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?  U

U CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?  U

“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God” (Acts 20:24, NLT).

Dad the caregiver

I asked Dad what special things he did for Mom while she was sick. These are the answers he gave:

Mom enjoyed going in her wheelchair to the Coast Guard Station at the beach and sitting on the end of the wooden ramp. She enjoyed watching the tide come in and out. Mom enjoyed eating breakfast in a restaurant at the pier—she would sneak biscuits out of the restaurant to feed the seagulls.

Mom liked to go to the grocery store because she enjoyed seeing her friends—it was a social gathering.

She enjoyed sitting on the back patio, watching the bird feeder, and listening to the chimes.

They drove near the base of one of the bridges and sat in the car at the pilot boat dock so she could look out. It is beautiful there. Pelicans and seagulls sit atop the old wooden pylons, where the sun sets behind them.

On one of the last trips to the Mayo Clinic, instead of taking I-95 home, they took A1A along the Coastal Highway. They also rode on the car ferry. They went to Fernandina and ate at Spanky’s Restaurant on the water's marsh side and sat on the deck for a long time.

She loved watching the squirrels eat the sunflower seeds he placed on the window seal by her bed.

    

Thank you, Dad, for all the sacrifices you made and for the care you provided for Mom.

  U What can you do for your loved one that they can no longer do?   U

Comments from Dad

 

“Brenda was so helpful. She was an angel. She made things so much easier. Elaine was so comfortable around her. She looked after her so well.”

“Elaine was happy until the day she died. We thought she was going to last a long, long time. 

“She started feeling a lot better with the feeding tube. She went down so fast—we did not have a clue. We were planning on things months down the road.”

“She had been worried about the girls (my sisters and me) for a long time, getting the things all sorted out. I was doing what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to die at the hospice place. They would take her there as things got worse. If she had known she was dying, she would have said something. She did not want to put a stigma on the house . . . this is where she died. She is buried out yonder because she did not want us to visit her grave all the time.”

“I wish she had a dog. I think having a dog would have been comforting to her.” He thought people with terminal illnesses should have dogs because they would comfort them.

One question I did not ask: What were your thoughts as you watched your bride waste away?

 

The things I learned from Dad

 

I sat with Dad and Claudia in the bedroom where Momma died to glean valuable information that I could pass on to you. It would be difficult for Dad to discuss these issues, but I knew I should.

U He stressed you should not put something off, whether it be discussions, decisions, or significant things.

U Don’t put faith in the doctor’s time frame. They don’t know. God is the only one who truly knows. Mom died twelve days after she got her feeding tube. 

U He mentioned calling the Social Security office to claim a disability, especially with Mom having ALS. It took two to three months to get her first check. She only got one disability check even though she could not work for a long time. From her diagnosis to her death, it was only about nine months. Search on the web under Social Security disability.

U The ALS Association of Georgia had good resources and information.

U Dad got a power of attorney because Mom couldn’t sign her name. His financial advisor suggested they get joint accounts because it makes it more manageable.

U Set your investments as (Payable On Death). A POD is any account, investment, etc., given to a specified person when you die. You don’t want to go through a trustee or a banker to disburse money.    

U What have you learned from reading this book?  U

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part V)

The burial took place the morning before the memorial service, and we intentionally we arrived early. 

“We are the first ones here,” Lauren said. 

“I wanted to arrive first so we could put the flowers out before they came.” 

I am glad we came early, as an unsightly blue tarp covered the hole, with bricks around its corners. I removed it and replaced it with beautiful white flowers.

When the family arrived, I got the urn out. 

“Do you want me to put the urn in the hole or set it at the top of the hole?” I asked Kimberly.

“I haven’t thought about it.” 

I placed the urn in the hole and would get it out if Aunt June wanted. 

“No one is crying,” Kimberly said.

“I'm trying to be strong for y'all.” 

“I've been crying a lot.” 

It's okay for you to feel that way. You need to express your emotions.” 

Kimberly placed a gorgeous wreath made of magnolia leaves by the small hole in the ground. The service was simple—the way Uncle Jim would have wanted. His family loved to sing, so of course, we sang. Each person had the opportunity to toss dirt in the hole or use the shovel to cover the urn. His grandson helped fill the hole, too. After the service, we went into the fellowship hall, where coffee and hot chocolate were available to warm us on a cold day.

After the burial, we visited Uncle Jim's sister's old house. A ginormous magnolia tree towered in the front yard where both young and old kids climbed its branches. Since no one currently occupied the home, the owners allowed us to visit inside. Several family members shared fond childhood memories of visiting her home and climbing her tree.

The members of their church prepared a wonderful meal for the family before the memorial service. The service itself was exceptional—it celebrated Uncle Jim's life. Music filled the air, and there was aa opportunity for people to stand and share a story about him. After the funeral, the reception took place in the fellowship hall. A video displayed photos of Jim, along with a clip of him singing in a quartet.

U How can you be a servant to those in need?  U 

U  What small details can you think of to help the grieving family?  U 

  U Have you considered how to minister to the grieving family?  U