Traditions (part I)

The holidays are soon approaching, and our family is trying to plan ahead for Christmas.  There are many things to take into consideration.  We are a blended family now, Claudia’s family and Dad’s family; two families coming together as one.  Ever since Mom passed away, things have never been the same nor will they ever be.

Family has been an important and big part of our lives.  There has been tradition woven in throughout the years.  One tradition is everyone always spends the night at Mom and Dad’s house when we came in town for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Jamie lives on the island, so she and her family drive over Christmas morning.  Space has become an issue, as our families have expanded.  One year, my family stayed at a hotel on the island to ease the traffic and congestion at their house.  Another year, possibly Christmas, Paul and Ashton slept in a trailer in their backyard.

U  Are the loved one’s siblings, parents, grandparents etc. being remembered (by phone calls, gifts or invites to gatherings) especially during the holidays or on their birthday?  U 

This year, everyone from both families will be on the island, and there is no room in the inn.  On August 30^th, Claudia sent the four girls an email discussing the upcoming plans concerning where everyone will stay.  She wrote, “Your Dad and I are thinking ahead about Christmas – merging our two families, it will be a large group, and we want it to be a special time for everyone.”  She then listed where each family will stay.  She told us my family and Joann’s family will be staying in the condo above her condo.  She is renting her condo out for the winter, so we can’t stay there.  Jennifer’s family will stay with Jamie.  Claudia’s mom and a few of her relatives will stay at Dad’s.  Kelli has her own apartment on the island and she, Adam, Myra, and Hamp will stay there. 

U  Are you realizing the new spouse’s children may not feel comfortable to stay a long while because the house has not become home to them yet?  U

A second mourning? (part III)

He also spoke of the deepest joy he felt, and he did not have any worries, anxieties, or concerns.  The two statements he made that stood out in my mind were, “I wasn’t conscious of anything I’d left behind and felt no regrets about leaving family or possessions.  It was as if God had removed anything negative or worrisome from my consciousness, and I could only rejoice at being together with these wonderful people.”

I always wondered if people in Heaven could see what we were doing.  But it seems to me, they are focused on God and praising him.  There will be no sorrow in Heaven, so they probably cannot see us.  I still tell God to tell Mom I love her.  It is up to Him whether or not that should be done.  But I trust Him and know He makes the best decisions for me.

Through reading the book, and even today as I sat in church, the one thing I received was “rejoice!”  The song that spurred on this thought was O’ Come, O’ Come Emmanuel (anonymous, n.d.).  I was thinking of Mom for some reason as I was singing the song, and the words rang out “Rejoice! Rejoice!”  Let go!  Quit being selfish and wanting her here, and rejoice because she is eternally with Jesus in Heaven.

U Can you rejoice because your loved one is with Jesus in Heaven?  U

On the way back home, we took back roads, so we would miss the holiday traffic and possible wrecks.  We were a few miles from Mom’s gravesite, and I asked Ashton if he wanted to go to Granny’s gravesite and he said, “Yes.”

We stopped at the gravesite for a few minutes.  I turned around because I heard the chimes ringing.  I asked Ashton if he rang the chimes, and he said he did.  Before I left, I said out loud to Jesus, “I am going to rejoice because she is with you in Heaven.”

I yearn to be with her, and I have to be patient until I see her beautiful face again.  She is no longer in pain and suffering.  Until then, I have to learn to rejoice and remember Jesus has me here for a reason.  I need to strive to fulfill my mission here on earth.

     Piper, Don. 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN. Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 2004. 26, 31.  

A second mourning? (part II)

For about two days, while I was at Dad’s house, I was absorbed in reading the book.  The day before Thanksgiving, I went out on Dad’s back patio, laid on the patio couch, read the book, and listen to the chimes as the wind blew.  Several times I fell asleep and was content with resting instead of reading.  The sun began to set and for the first time, in a very long time, I felt peace.

The book is called, 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN.  It is a true story about a preacher (Don) that was killed in a tragic car wreck.  Don had been dead for ninety minutes and was still trapped in his wrecked car.

A Baptist preacher traveling by was stopped in the traffic caused by the wreck, and he walked up to the crash site.  He told the emergency workers he was a Baptist preacher and asked if he could pray for anyone.  He was told the man in the red car was deceased, but he was compelled to pray for the man anyway.  He said, “God spoke to me and said, ‘You need to pray for the man in the red car.”  The preacher climbed into the red car and prayed fervently the man to not have internal injuries or brain damage.  He also began singing hymns.  As he prayed for the man, the man came to life and began to sing with him.   

Don was miraculously brought back to life from the fatal car wreck.  Most of the book is about Don’s recovery, and the struggles he has endured since the wreck.  The first few chapters and the focal point of the book are about the ninety minutes Don spent in Heaven while he was dead.

People welcomed Don to Heaven by name.  He refers to the people as “his celestial welcoming committee.”  The people who welcomed him were people that played an instrumental role in his becoming a Christian and helped him in his Christian walk.  He embraced loved ones that had passed on before him, and to Don it was the grandest family reunion. 

He spoke of the glorious music and praises he heard while he was in Heaven.  “Praise was everywhere, and all of it was musical, yet comprised of melodies and tones I’d never experienced before.”  He heard, “Hallelujah!  Praise!  Glory to God!  Praise to the King!   Such words rang out in the midst of all the music.”  The swishing of angel’s wings could also be heard. 
 

     Piper, Don. 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN.  Grand Rapids:  Fleming H. Revell, 2004.   26, 31.                             

A second mourning? (part I)

 

During the time of I painted the cover of my book, I struggled with a period of gloominess.  I could not put my finger on it, and I struggled telling Paul what I was feeling.  I did not know if it was spiritual warfare because Satan was not happy at all that I was trying diligently to fulfill God’s will.  I could have just been tired from working hard, teaching, and running the shop.

U  How is Satan trying to hinder you from accomplishing Jesus’ glory?  U

I did not want to fix my kid’s supper and would come home from work and crash in my chair for hours.  All I knew was I did not like the feeling at all and even asked the teachers at work to pray for me.  Paul has been great in helping me fix the kid’s supper at night.

Now that I look back on it two weeks later, I think I was going through a second time of mourning over Mom’s death.  I cried frequently at night.  I don’t know if it was because I was being consumed about getting the painting perfect and then all the “old feelings” resurfaced again.  Over a year and a half later, I fight with myself about not feeling sorry for Mom and all she went through.

Joann told me about a book she had read.  She said she would try to get the book back from a friend and bring it down to Dad’s house when we got together for Thanksgiving.  She told me she cried in reading the book and rejoiced for Mom because of what Mom was experiencing in Heaven.  I longed to read the book in hopes it would help me out of my gloominess.

“It is finished”

Tonight, I finally think I am finished with my painting.  I had several close calls to messing it up.  Once, I got turpentine drops on it, and I was able to fix it.   Then turpentine splattered all over the background for the sky.  It was the best background I had painted yet.  Still, I was able to fix the painting.  I felt Satan was trying to deter me from accomplishing my goal.

Lauren and Ashton came down to the basement where I was painting to tell me goodnight.  Lauren was in a silly mood.  As she went back upstairs, she said, “Good night Mom.  Good night Jesus.”  She knew I was trying to paint my painting.

Everything was all starting to come together.  Before I painted, I prayed.  I asked Him to help me see Jesus in the clouds, and I also listened to praise music as I painted.

I had a few things I wanted to do differently this time.  I knew I was painting Jesus too much like a figure and not like a cloud.  I was trying to not make it so “perfect.”  I tried to put more blue on Jesus and tried to get his face just right. 

When I finished, I stared at it for a while.  I did not look at it immediately and say, “It is finished.”  I polished it up and fixed the imperfections.  As usual, I took the painting to Paul for him to see.  It wasn’t his typical response, which up until this point did not show any real enthusiasm.  He really liked it a lot and said it was more what he imagined it would look like.  I was pleased with his comments and went back to my drafting table and stared at it again for a while.

As I stared at the painting, I noticed as a tilted the painting back and forth, Jesus winked at me.  At one angle, Jesus’ left eye looked open.  At another angle, His left eye was closed.  It was really neat.  That to me was Jesus saying, “It is finished.”  I offered it up to Jesus and gave it to Him.  I told Him I hoped it honored Him and would bring people to know Him.  As I was praying, tears started to flow down my face.  Then I started crying.  It was a big release because “it is finished.”

It also means my book is finally finished unless God wants me to add something else.  Now I have to be patient until it is the right time to get the book published.  It has been very hard since I got the green light almost a year ago to publish my book.

U Do you personally know the Jesus I saw in the clouds that day?  U

“My” book (part I)

October 7^th, I was doing my Bible study and realized very clearly I am supposed to paint the cover of my book.  The feelings I am having is, “You do the painting!”  Dorothy was insistent when I talked to her on the phone the first time that I could paint it.  I prayed out loud and said, “I want it to be beautiful.  You will have to help me.”  I had huge feelings of inadequacy.        

The next Sunday, the service kind of blew me away.  We sang one of the songs from Mom’s funeral.  I immediately started to get tears in my eyes.  The words were displayed against a background which showed clouds rolling by in the sky.  After the song was over, I told Lauren about the song.  She said, “Why did you tell me that?” 

U  Have you asked the children/grandchildren if you would like to bring things up about their loved one? (When Lauren was much older and I was asking her about this question, she said it depends on the age of the child.  If they are younger, it may not matter as much.  She said it has not gotten any easier, and she would still rather I not mention anything such as “today would have been Granny’s birthday.”  She cried as we were talking.)  U

On the overhead screen, the back drop was blue and there was a man’s shadowy figure with his hands raised towards the sky.  It reminded me of seeing Jesus in the clouds. 

During the sermon, Brother Bill spoke about Moses and how God revealed Himself to Moses through the burning bush.  Brother Bill said, "Who knew God was going to show up in the burning bush.  God was at work, and He had a plan.  Sometimes His call takes us out of our comfort zone.”  He then asked, “What is it God wants you to do?”

Moses felt very inadequate in what the Lord told him to do.  Moses did not know who to tell the people who sent him.  The Lord told him He would give him evidence that He sent him and basically told him, “You just go.”

Brother Bill spoke about the Lord bringing us to a crisis of belief, and the two things we must do.  One is to have faith, and the second is to say “yes” and for there to be action.  So, instead of asking God if there is someone else, obey because He said, “I called you!” 

“Jesus In The Clouds” – the painting (part II)

 

When I got home, I showed Paul and my sisters.  She did a great job, and it was a million times better than mine.  I was very thankful for what Dorothy did for me.   

Before Lauren and Ashton went to bed, I asked them what they thought about the day.  Lauren said, “Busy…..tired.”  Ashton said, “Fun….romantic.”  We started talking about what they were going to call Claudia because she was their grandmother now.  They called her Miss Claudia before.  Ashton said, “Let’s ring her up and see what she wants to be called.”

On the way back home to Athens, we stopped at Mom’s gravesite.  Paul helped me place the shepherd’s staff in the ground because the ground was very hard.  He had to find a large cement block to hit the staff into the ground. 

I put the chimes on the staff and thought about the sounds the chimes would make as the breeze would blow after I was gone.  I said happy birthday to her.  Before I left, I heard the chimes twice and enjoyed hearing the sounds they made.

I talked to Aunt Julie on the phone a little over a week after the wedding.  She was telling me how much fun she had, and we talked for a while.  As I was talking to her, everything seemed so surreal.  It is hard to believe they are actually married now and living in the same house.  I guess it just finally hit me. 

I called Nana on the phone because she had been sick lately.  I had not spoken to her since the wedding.  We talked about the wedding, Dad, and Claudia.  She told me she did not want me mad at her because she did not go to the wedding.  I told her I wasn’t.  She then said, “I would have broken down.”  I told her it was just going to take time.

Paul told me Dad emailed me some pictures.  I asked him if he would print them out for me.  The pictures were from their honeymoon.  There were a few pictures of them on the cruise, and a few when they were in Mexico.  He also sent me a picture of him carrying Claudia over the threshold at their house.  I scanned my eyes over to a picture I have in my den.  It is a picture of Dad carrying Mom over the threshold of their house after they got married.  It was one of the many pictures Mom gave me when she divided up the pictures.  Tears again started to fill my eyes.  It was another one of those hard moments…there will be many more.

“Jesus In The Clouds” – the painting (part I)

I called Dorothy back and told her my relatives came over, and I would be there in a little while.  She told me she may go to a dinner with her husband around 6:00 p.m. and to drive to the back of her house where her studio was when I get there.  I stayed a little while longer; then felt I should go since it was nearing 4:00 p.m.

Her studio was awesome.  The pictures she had painted were all over the studio.  Several of her student’s easels were around the room with their unfinished paintings on them.  Dorothy also had several of her paintings made into prints and some of the prints were hanging on the walls as well.  She had converted a three car garage to make it her studio and also added on a separate room in the back.

I asked her if Mom had taken her painting lessons in her studio, and she said yes.  She showed me where Mom used to sit and where her friends sat too.  It was neat to see where Mom used to take her painting lessons.  I can envision the laughter and good times they had while there.

Dorothy got out a piece of canvas, oil paints, and fixed a palette of colors.  She asked me if I wanted to try, and I declined.  I had already tried twice and failed.  She began to dab a little color on the canvas.  She was asking me about what I saw and whether I saw any buildings in the horizon.  She was trying to understand what I saw that day, and I described it to her the best I could.

Soon Jesus’ figure started to appear in the blue sky she had painted.  The face she painted of Jesus was beautiful.  As she painted, we talked about a lot of things including Mom.  Thoughts came back reminding me of her, and I again would bite the inside of my mouth, so I would not cry.  I fought back the tears when I felt them forming in my eyes.

It was nearing the time she would need to leave, and I told her to let me know when I needed to leave.  She told me she probably was not going to go. 

Several times she offered me a chance to paint on her painting.  There were a couple of times I wanted to, but I did not want to mess it up.  The hardest part was painting Jesus’ arms that were outstretched towards the Heavens.  After four hours, she was finished.  I had her sign her name on her painting.  I told her earlier I wanted to pay her for her time.  As I was leaving, I asked her if I were a student in her studio for four hours how much would I owe her.  She said, “I’m not going to tell you.”  She told me God will bless her for what she has done.  She also told me Mom would have helped her daughter if she needed help.  As I left, I had a good feeling.  I felt at peace and said to Jesus as I left, “Thank you Jesus.”

 

U  What can you do for others that can minister to them?  U

 

I found a little information about Dorothy on the web today:

http://georgiacoastalartistsguild.org/gallery_VII.htm

http://www.glynnart.org/documents/mcClain_dorothy0001.pdf

The Royal wedding (part III)

A few weeks before the wedding, I called Dorothy, one of Mom and Dad’s friends and asked her if she would paint the cover of my book. Mom had also taken painting lessons from Dorothy, and I have a picture of a flower in a vase Mom painted. Mom also started painting a picture of the St. Simons lighthouse, but she never finished. I had tried to paint the picture of Jesus in the clouds twice, and the paintings were not very good. I felt as though this was something I needed to finish.

One night, as I was in my shower praying about who I could get to paint the cover, her name immediately popped in my mind. When I talked to her, I told her about seeing Jesus in the clouds, and I told her I tried to paint what I saw that day. She thought I would be able to do it myself. I reassured her, the paintings were terrible. I told her I would bring the picture I painted to Dad’s wedding.

I saw Dorothy at the reception and showed her the painting. She liked it, but I knew it was not what I wanted, and I knew she could paint it ten times better. She told me she did not have any plans later in the afternoon, and I could come over to her house. I was thrilled!

Paul and I helped bring the gifts back to the house. Claudia called and told me she and Dad got in their first argument. I asked her if it was because of the bird seed, and she said no. She told me it was because Dad would not share his cookies. She told me Dad was not listening to what the preacher said. I told her to put Dad on the phone, and I told him to share the cookies with Claudia.

Immediately Dad kept repeating a phrase about pay back. He was referring to the bird seed. I reminded him he got the pay back from all four girls getting birdseed thrown on us at our weddings. I told him while I was on my honeymoon I was dumping birdseed out of my suitcase into the street.

He was trying to figure out which daughter did it. Of course I did not tell him it was me. He said it was probably the older two daughters. At the reception, he said something to Jamie about it being her, and Juliette said her mom did it. So, I don’t think he had a clue who did it!

While I was at Dad’s house, Joan (Grandma Freddie’s daughter), Scott (her husband), and Granddaddy came over. They had not seen the house since it had been remodeled. I had already called Dorothy and told her I was on my way over when they came to visit. I stayed awhile and visited with them.

I talked to Joan in the kitchen. We talked about my book, and I told her I had a publisher that would publish my book, but I would have to pay $ 4,000 to get it published. She said,“Your mom wouldn’t have wanted you to pay $ 4,000.” As I sit here typing, I started to cry because I can hear Mom now getting on to me about spending $ 4,000 to get my book published.

We also talked about all the changes going on lately and the changes to Dad’s house. I told her at first I did not want anyone to come in and change things, but now I was fine. Joan told me when she first went back to Grandma Freddie’s house it was hard. She said she took all the pictures down right away. Then I asked her if it was because it was too painful, she said yes. The pictures brought back painful memories of her not being there.  Each person is different and handles death and change in different ways. Either way, it is hard and very painful.