Afterword (part III)

Another thing I regret is that when times were real hard, like the night I described under, “This night,” I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world now because as hard as the night was, at least she was still alive.  At least, she was still there with me.  As hard as times are, lean on God for your strength, and ask Him to help you through and give you peace.  Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still with you.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend that is terminally ill or a loved one that is dying, I grieve for you.  I got teary eyed even writing that sentence.  I know what you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers, we have only trod down the same path.  The one person that does have all the answers is Jesus.  Be comforted by God’s words from (NLT, Philippians 4.13), “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (NLT, Deuteronomy 31.8) states, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother because I am experiencing the same feeling I think Mary went through.  Why did God choose me?  I am just an ordinary girl.  Can I do what You want me to accomplish?  How will I get it done?  What will people think?

Then I feel honored.  Honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feeling I had tonight.  What an indescribable feeling that I have never had before.  I am just in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish such a great task.

Afterword (part II)

 

I have very few regrets.  A regret I have is I did not get to tell Mom everything I wanted to tell her.  Nana has also cried as I was talking with her because she did not get to tell her everything as well.  Because Mom did not want to talk about her feelings, I did not get to tell her how much I loved her and tell her how she has been an awesome mom.

Jennifer sent Mom a card a few days before she died.  The card got to Mom’s house a few days after Mom passed away, so she never got the chance to read it.   

In the card, Jennifer told Mom that she was the best mom and in her constant thoughts.  She also told Mom she was an awesome example seen by others.  Jennifer wrote about a friend that told her our family has always been an inspiration to her with Mom leading the pack.

Jennifer told Mom she was so very thankful for her and wanted to tell her again.  These were thoughts written down that were important for her to be able to tell Mom. 

She said the last time she talked to Mom on the phone it was real hard for Mom to talk.  Mom was dehydrated and struggled to talk, so it was awkward because Jennifer had to carry the conversation.  She did not get to tell her all the things she wanted to, nor did she at the last visit to Mom’s house.  It was so difficult with Jennifer having to stay up with Mom most of the night.

 

U If you have a family member, friend, or a loved one that is dying, if you can, can tell them all the wonderful things you want to tell them? U                         

U  If you are terminally ill or dying, if you can, would you let your family members tell you all the wonderful things they need to? U

Afterword (part I)

 

 

The true intent of the publishing of this book only God will know.  I have felt bombarded through sermons lately as though Jesus was speaking to me personally about publishing this book.  One of the last sermons I heard spoke of Simon Peter and how Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat then pushed the boat into the water.  Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch any fish.  Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will…...” (NIV, Luke 5.5).  He cast his nets, and they were so full of fish, the nets started to tear.  Another boat came to help, but the nets were so full, the boats started to sink.  This book was written because I am being obedient to what I feel the Lord wants me to do.  “Because you say so Lord, I will.”  God has accomplished His will in ways I will never know through this book.

I wrote this book because I felt the Lord’s prompting to do so.  It was not the Lord’s will that He physically heal Mom.  So, here I was with my journal and I did not know what I was supposed to do with it.  I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students at my school to begin to pray for the Lord’s wisdom in His prompting me to write this book.  The answer has been clear to me within the last week.  Walk by Faith: Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death was written for His glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.  The book will also minister to people going through the death of a loved one or having a loved one or friend with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to “mask” certain issues, so you could see the “whole picture.”  If I would have “masked” the book, I don’t feel you would have gleaned enough useful information.   I have omitted certain comments said by family members in order to try and not upset them.  I did not want to step on anyone’s toes.  Also, I have tried to be careful what information I thought should be included and took out information I thought was not necessary. 

The final chapter?

I have cried a lot as I have edited this book because as I re-read, it brings back so many hard times.  There are so many events which will forever be etched on my mind.  Mom’s final breaths and her final moments are etched on my mind as they just happened yesterday.  The moments I prayed over her as she slept and prayed for her to be healed are also still vivid.  The comments she said to me like, “Breathe for me,” get played over in my mind.  I can’t look back yet to reflect on the good times, the good moments.  It is as though they have temporarily vanished.  Only time will continue to heal.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind as well is my favorite verse, (NLT, Romans 8.28).  “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”   It helps me through the hard times because God is still in control and loves us very much.

Before I read the devotion that spoke about me being, “Only one little insignificant person in this great big world,” I commented to my sisters and friends that I was just a p.e. teacher.  Writing a book is “out of the box” for me.  Then I remember the quote again from the January 8^th, devotion, “Don’t ponder over the what-ifs or whys, neither question your abilities.”

In the book, Can One Person Make A Difference? it states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks.  He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips.  If God is in it, anything is possible!”  This is where Satan wants to jump in and convince me I can’t do anything.  He would love nothing more than for me to listen and for me to not do the will of God.  My God is greater.

As I wrote earlier, I felt honored the Lord chose me to do this work, and in the last devotion it stated, “What do You see in me that I could be used to serve You, Lord?  I feel honored that You called me.”

In the last couple of days, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  The hardest part of finishing this book, especially the tedious work of editing, is almost done, and I have begun to get excited.  I am excited what the Lord will do with this book.  I read a confirmation of those feelings last night in the devotional.  “How exciting it will be in this venture as I obey Your call and see great things happen in Your name!”

U  WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?  U

U CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?  U

Dad the caregiver

I asked Dad what were some of the special things he did for Mom while she was sick.  These are the things he told me:

She enjoyed going in her wheelchair to the Coast Guard Station at the beach and sitting on the end of the wooden ramp.  She enjoyed watching the tide come in and out.

Mom enjoyed eating breakfast in a restaurant at the pier.  She would sneak biscuits out of the restaurant to feed the seagulls while in her wheelchair.

Mom liked to go to the grocery store because she liked to see her friends there.  It was a social gathering.

She enjoyed sitting on the back patio while watching the bird feeder and listening to the chimes.

They drove near the base of one of the bridges and sat in the car out at the pilot boat dock so she could look out.  It is beautiful there.  Pelicans and seagulls sit on top of the old wooden pylons, and the sun sets behind the pylons.

On one of the last trips to the Mayo Clinic, instead of taking I-95 back home, they took A1A up the Coastal Highway.  They also rode on the car ferry. They went to Fernandina and ate at Spanky’s Restaurant on the water on the marsh side.  They sat on the deck for a long time.

She loved watching the squirrels eat the sunflower seeds he placed on the window seal by her bed.

  U What can you do for your loved one that they can no longer do?   U

Comments from Dad

 

“Brenda was so helpful.  She was an angel.  She made things so much easier.  Elaine was so comfortable around her.  She looked after her so well.”

“Elaine was happy until the day she died.  We thought she was going to last a long, long time.  She started feeling a lot better with the feeding tube.  She went down so fast; we did not have a clue.  We were planning on things months down the road.”

“She was worried about the girls (my sisters and I) for a long time, getting the things all sorted out.  I was just doing what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to die at the Hospice place.  (They would take her over there as things got worse.)  If she would have known she was dying, she would have said something.  She did not want to put a stigma on the house; this is where she died.  She is buried out yonder, because she did not want us to visit her grave all the time.”

"I wish she would have had a dog.   I think it would have been very comforting to her to have a dog.”  He commented that he thought people with a terminal illness should have a dog because they would be comforted by it.

 

The things I learned from Dad

 

I sat down with Dad and Claudia to try to glean any more valuable information I could pass on to you.  I knew it would not be easy for Dad to talk about these issues, but knew I should.

U  He stressed you should not put something off whether it be discussions, decisions, or major things.

U  Don’t put faith in the doctor’s time frame.  They just don’t know.  God is the only one who truly knows.  Mom died twelve days after she got her feeding tube.

U  He mentioned calling the social security office to claim a disability especially with Mom having ALS.  It took two to three months to get her first check.  She only got one disability check even though she could not work for a long time.  From her diagnosis to her death it was only about nine months.  You can look it up on the web and search under social security disability.

U He got information from the ALS Association of Georgia concerning resources and information.

U  He got a power of attorney because Mom couldn’t sign her name.  His financial advisor suggested they get joint accounts because it makes it much easier.

U  If there are investments, you need to put on it a POD (Payable On Death).  A POD is basically any account, investment, etc. when you die it is given to a specified person.  You don’t want to go through a trustee, or a banker to disburse money.

 

U What have you learned from reading this book?  U

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part V)

We got to the burial site early, and I was very glad to get there early because there was a black tarp over the hole and bricks holding the tarp down.  Lauren mentioned how we were there first.  I told her I wanted it that way so I could put the flowers out before they got there.  I rushed out to get the tarp and bricks up and place the flowers at the burial site.  When the family arrived, someone came up to me and mentioned about getting the urn out of the car.  I got it out then did not know whether to put it in the hole or sit it at the top of the hole.  What would they want me to do?  I came back and asked Kimberly, but she had not thought about it either.  I placed the urn in the hole and would get it out if Aunt June wanted me to.  Kimberly had a wreath made of magnolia leaves and placed it by the hole.

 U What small details can you think of to help the grieving family?  U

The service was simple but just what Uncle Jim would have wanted.  Their family loved to sing, so of course we sang!  Each person was given a chance to toss dirt in the hole or use the shovel to cover the urn.  Their grandson Simon helped in filling the hole too.  After the service, we went into the fellowship hall of the church where they had coffee and hot chocolate because it was a cold day.

Kimberly mentioned everyone wasn’t crying.  I told her I was trying to be strong for them.  She told me she was crying a lot.  I told her that was okay for her to feel that way and for her to express her emotions.

We then went to Aunt Polly’s house.  It was the house Uncle Jim’s sister lived in a long time ago.  It has a huge magnolia tree in the front yard and everyone has fond memories of visiting Aunt Polly and climbing in her tree when they were younger.  “Kids” young and old climbed the tree that day and since no one was currently renting the house, the owners let everyone visit inside the house.  I took pictures of everyone in the tree.
 

The members of the church fixed a wonderful meal for the family before the memorial service.  The service was special as it was a celebration of Uncle Jim’s life.  Music was abundant and there was even a time for people to stand and share a story about him.  After the service, a reception was shared in the fellowship hall with a video showing photos of Jim and also a video clip of him singing in a quartet.