Uncle Jim’s funeral (part IV)

 I asked Elizabeth if she wanted me to be there when they talked to the funeral home, and she said yes.  All the details were all discussed, and Evelyn brought a list that Tom wrote down of things to put in the obituary.  The family decided to do the burial themselves having an informal meeting of family and close friends.  Tom was going to dig a small hole for the urn the day before.  There would be a memorial service at the church after the burial and money to their church would be given in lieu of flowers.

 

The funeral home did a very thorough job, and it was nicely and discreetly done.  I thought of one thing that was not discussed which was getting the flowers transported to the burial.  They said they would do that.  When I started thinking about it, there would not be any flowers there because there would only be a small group at the burial; it was early in the morning before the memorial service was held.

I was torn whether to do flowers or donate money to his church as they desired.  Kimberly mentioned about having all white flowers, but that could not be done as there was not a place to put their wish on the website as people ordered.  So, I decided to get a nice arrangement of white flowers and take them to the burial before anyone got there.  I thought about how nice it would be for the family to see flowers when they arrived.  Evelyn had everyone over to eat the night before the funeral, and I took the flowers over there for everyone to enjoy.

 

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part III)

Matt, Elizabeth’s husband came in town, and I went outside to talk to him.  I wanted to tell him the difficult time ahead of figuring out what to say or not say to Elizabeth.  I remember just bottling up all my emotions from my family and releasing those emotions by crying in my bed at night.  As we were talking, he got choked up and told me how much it meant to him that I was there for Elizabeth; at the time he was out of town.  I told him it was a privilege for me to be there and minister to everyone!

Claudia, a cousin, came over and mentioned she wanted to see Uncle Jim at the funeral home; she wanted to say her goodbyes.  He was going to be cremated and there was not going to be a viewing.  Elizabeth and I also wanted to go.  Aunt June and Kimberly did not want to go and Elizabeth explained to her mom that it was important for people to be able to see him if they wanted to. 
 

We decided to see him the next morning before the family met with the funeral home to go over the plans for the funeral.  Elizabeth, Claudia, I, and two family friends (Missy and Ashlee) came.  It was very informal; Elizabeth told the funeral home that he did not need to be in a casket.  They told us before we went into see him that he was laying on a table with a sheet up to his chest.  They did not want us to be surprised.

He was in a very small room that they typically used to put makeup on people.  The room had a static atmosphere but did not deter us from the warm family memories that were shared.  We stood around the table and shared different memories that came to our minds.  We said our goodbyes, and I kissed him on the forehead before I left.  I want to be the last person out of the room, and as I closed the door behind me, I told him I would see him in Heaven.

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part II)

I did not want them to worry about lunch, so I told them I was taking care of lunch.  They decided on a restaurant around the corner that served good home cooked meals.  Elizabeth and I got several to go boxes, and we had a nice lunch.

I knew they would be getting a lot of food so I talked to Elizabeth and told her I would clean out the fridge.  If anything was past the expiration date, I threw it out.  There were several items that I did not know how old they were and Elizabeth would tell me whether or not to throw them out.  I was later told when I get to Heaven, Uncle Jim would get on to me about throwing out perfectly good food (the ones that he would have thought were still good even though they had expired.)

As Aunt June was cleaning up, she was walking towards the closet with his jacket.  I took it from her and hung it up.  It was weird hanging up the coat he probably wore the day before.  I thought to look in the pockets to see if there was anything in them.  I found a receipt and handed it to her.  I can’t remember exactly what it was, but it seemed like he was going to take the receipt and get something a store did not have in stock.  Maybe it was a rain check.  She put the receipt up and said she would get it for him. 

I asked if there was anything else I could do.  Elizabeth asked me if I would vacuum the house, so I did.  I wanted to help as much as possible but did not want to be in their way.  I felt they needed time to grieve and be by themselves too.  That is a hard issue to figure out.

I noticed the day before that her back deck was covered in leaves. So, the next day I came over, I got the blower, blew off the deck, and straightened everything.  I was just trying to think of things I could do to help.

Uncle Jim’s funeral (part I)

 

My husband’s uncle Jim passed away in December.  He was like an uncle to me.  His doctor knew he had a limited time left to live because of his heart.  The doctor said it could be a day, a week, or a year.  They knew it was coming, but hoped it would be the latter.

I tried to remember all the things I have learned about death until now and apply them.  The next morning when I found out he passed away, I thought it would be nice to bring Aunt June and Elizabeth, her daughter, breakfast.  On the way back home from taking Ashton to school, I stopped by Chic-fil-A and got some breakfast for them. 

When I arrived at their house, the door was locked.  I did not want to wake them up, so I hung around outside.  Her neighbor walked up, and we talked for a while.  I went back to their door and saw Elizabeth in the kitchen.  She thanked me for bringing breakfast. 

I knew it would be important to do whatever Aunt June asked us to do.  The first thing she wanted us to do was to finish decorating the Christmas tree.  The night before their family was putting on the lights.  Uncle Jim was tired and retreated to go to bed.  When he went to his bedroom, he had a heart attack.  I knew the task of decorating the tree was very meaningful to her as it was the last thing they were doing before he died.

I helped Elizabeth put the ornaments on the tree, and Elizabeth and Aunt June told me stories about special ornaments.  There were boxes all in the living room, and I knew since people would be coming over she would want everything tidy.  Evelyn also came over, and we finished decorating the tree and house and put the boxes up.

The death of a dream?

One small email changed the course of my life for now.  Since my cookie shop closed seven months ago, I have been devoting myself to my photography.  I have been scouring the internet for articles and videos to help me advance my skills.  I have learned so much and have been applying that knowledge to my photography.  I eat and breath photography pretty much 24/7.

That abruptly changed when Paul got an email stating that his consulting job basically will come to an end.  He still has his regular job which pays the everyday bills, but we are in debt partly because of the cookie shop and need money to pay off those bills.  We also invested in land that is basically worthless because the neighborhood went under.  We are going to have to foreclose on the property, take our house off of the market, sell the lot we are going to build on, majorly change our eating out habits, but most life changing is me getting a job.

During the course of the seven months, I stared to see myself moving towards being a professional wildlife/nature photographer.  I would love to travel the world taking pictures of lions in Africa to seals in the Artic.  It was a dream I was focusing on which for now is no longer.  The passion I have for photography will now be set to the side to hold a regular day job. 

I have no idea what the Lord wants me to do for a job.  I know it will all work out, but I cringe at the thought of doing something other than what I am passionate about. 

I get it Lord!

 

 

Yesterday, I was bombarded with getting my proposals back out the door.  Three times very clearly in one day.  During my devotion I read Hebrews 3:16, “And who were those people who rebelled against God, even though they heard his voice?”  As I went to the eye doctor, I pulled up to a store next to his office and read a sign in the inside that stated, “Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life.”  When I got home and I was on facebook, I read a note a friend of mine shared, “Dear Jesus, sometimes I’m afraid of letting you have complete control of my life.  Show me how to be a ‘yes’ kind of girl like Mary was, and use me to bring you to others. Amen.”  So, today I got busy once again researching where to send my proposals.

The next chapter

The one phrase I heard repeatedly during the weeks preceding the closing of our shop was “the next chapter.”  So many people referenced the closing of my shop as one chapter in my life, and the upcoming future would be the next chapter.  I am now unemployed; I say I am a full-time photographer and writer.  These two passions of mine are what I believe the Lord has blessed me with and what He wants me to dive into.

“It’s like it never happened.” (part II)

The Lord has given me peace, and the shop’s closing has been a long time coming.  The economy stinks, and I did not know if we would be open from month to month.  I already went through the grieving process, and it has not been easy.  I am just ready to get the next five weeks behind me until we close. 

We are closing on April 21, 2012, and our auction is scheduled for April 24^th.  The money we make from selling our equipment will go to paying part of our loan.  If we are lucky, we will get twenty-five cents to the dollar.  We spent $11,000 for our mixer alone! 

One of the neat ways I have seen the Lord work is through meeting Mary last week.  She comes into the shop sometimes with her grandson.  She asked me last week how the shop was doing, and I told her we were closing next month.  She asked me what I was going to do next.  I told her about the writer’s conference, and I am trying to get my book published I feel the Lord wanted me to write.  She told me she wanted to write a book; I told her I would help her.  She is probably eighty years old and has been a missionary in Africa.  She wanted to sit down with me, and I told her I was not busy, so I sat down at a table and talked to her.  She said she wanted to go to the writer’s conference.  I gave her my cell phone number, and she is going to call me.  How neat is that….my shop closes, but I may get to help someone write their book!  

“It’s like it never happened.” (part I)

Well, this afternoon I took the cookie logo off of my car because we are closing the business next month.  As I was taking off the logo, the thought ran through my mind, “It’s like it never happened.”  My daughter came outside, saw what I was doing, and said the exact thing I was thinking!  Great minds think alike.

I asked Paul to sit down, and we put all of the shops expenses on paper.  We knew it was too expensive to keep the shop where it was.  Paul even looked at two small spaces that would save us a lot of money each month, but when you add all the expenses up from worker’s comp., taxes, rent, insurance, employee wages, etc., it does not add up.  So, I milled on it for a few days.  I could not ask him to keep putting money into the business.  I sat him down and told him when we were closing.  He already knew we needed to close the shop; he was waiting for me to realize it.  This was my job and “my baby”, and I would have taken it better realizing myself we needed to close instead of him telling me.  He does not have an emotional attachment to it like I do.

I wanted to personally tell my employees before they found out from other people.  I had them come over to my house that Sunday, and I told them the news.  My daughter, Lauren also works for us.  I was sorry for them because they were losing their jobs.

Lauren mentioned that it was sad, and it was not fun losing your job.  I know someone who owns several restaurants.  I called him to let him know we were closing, and told him I had a daughter and two employees that needed jobs.  He told me to send them to get an application, and Lauren has an interview tomorrow!