You just don’t get it?

Dad sent an email stating if we were interested, he had made plans for family to meet at a local restaurant after the funeral.  I knew my cousins from Ohio were probably going to be there, and it would be nice to spend time with my family.  Ashton had a baseball game that night, and I was trying to mention the right words to Paul about me wanting to go to the restaurant.  When I asked him, he seemed bothered by the question.  He walked out of the room and then said we would have to leave by 2:30.  I later said to him, “You just don’t get it.”  I left and went to sit outside.  He later came up to me and asked if he was being insensitive.

People who have not gone through several deaths of close family members may not understand (or have not thought about) the importance of spending time with family over “trivial” events in life such as little league baseball games.  We talked to Ashton, and he said he did not mind missing a few games.  Paul said he would leave it up to me.  

At first I was planning to leave at 2:30, then once we got there and as time went by, I figured out everyone would finish getting there as we needed to leave.  We decided to stay.  All of my cousins did fly down from Ohio as did my uncle.  A lot of relatives were there, and it was good to see everyone.  I baked some cookies for everyone to eat, and they were a great hit.  I am glad we decided to stay.

In talking with Paul concerning this subject, he told me guys tend to compartmentalize their feelings.  Guys in general tend to place emotional situations into a bucket and place it back in storage.  They then get it out little bits at a time until they have to deal with them.  Daily events and structured events help guys deal with emotional stress.  Often what is taken as insensitive is a guy’s way of dealing with the situation. 

U  In knowing that women deal with death differently than men, are you making sure there is open communication and he is voicing how he feels? U