The Visitation (part I)

I haven’t gone to a service where the ushers sat you because so many people stood in line. As the line shortened, they moved a few rows of seated people to the line of people standing. The pews were almost full when we approached the front of the line. Many students from his school were there, as were many older people.

As we entered the room where the family was, our church’s high school minister stood in the doorway. 

“Are you the official door greeter?” I asked.

He chuckled.

“I’ve never had a student die. It’s been hard.” 

He went to the Nathan’s house and prayed with Nathan’s dad.

“I prayed three words and couldn’t pray anything else,” he said. 

"I have been praying for the students coming to the service.”

"There are so many people praying.” 

“I don’t know if I will be able to articulate what I needed to say during the service.” 

“You will do fine.” 

Struck a Chord

Nathan's death struck a chord. I guess it’s because Ashton is Nathan’s age, but I also grieved for them. I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy. 

One day, I woke around 4 a.m. and prayed for a long time. The kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died. Could it have been for his classmates to hear about Jesus? 

One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

kids who went to Nathan’s school came to mind. I prayed they would come to the funeral and hear about Christ and their need for a personal relationship with Jesus. We may never know why Nathan died, but maybe it was for his classmates to hear about Jesus. 

     One night, a friend wrote a note to the family on Facebook. She said, “You raised a young man who completed his godly purpose on this earth in only 18 years. It takes so many of us so many more years to do the same.” 

     What a remarkable statement. It was a lovely tribute and made me cry.

 

 

"Just like that (part II)"

I arrived around 5:00 p.m. Shari stood in the front yard talking to our music minister. We embraced.

“Can you believe this is happening?” 

Ishook my head. “No.”

Shari has been through a lot over the years. Her parents passed away—and her brother has prostate cancer. I was quiet and listened as she mentioned Nathan’s actions the day he died and the details of the wreck. Her strength was incredible.

We went inside and talked. 

“I’m thankful for the family vacation we took last summer. We took a three-week trip and traveled in an RV. Nathan put together a DVD of their journey and added music.”

They played the DVD, so I watched part of it. I talked to family members before leaving.

It was 7:00 p.m. when I left. Paul had already eaten, so I got dinner for Ashton and myself. Of course, I wanted to eat with Ashton after a rough night. Still, I had difficulty sitting at the table without crying. I felt terrible because I could hug Ashton, but Shari could not hug Nathan. I went to the bathroom because I did not want to cry in front of him. I made it through dinner with a tear or two, but I don’t think he noticed.

I went to bed early to cry—I burst into tear and cried so hard my face hurt.

 U  We don’t know our last day on earth. Are we living as though we are?  U

"Just Like That"

The phrase "just like that" came to mind several times when my friend Shari’s 18-year-old son, Nathan, was killed in a wreck on August 11, 2013. Shari and her husband attend our Sunday School class. We usually sit together and enjoy talking before class.

I did not know him personally, but he was an intelligent young man—talented in technology. He had volunteered at church and various places with lights and sound. He was set to start college the following week.

He spent much of the day at church functions. That evening, after taking his girlfriend home, his truck veered into a ditch and hit a culvert. The vehicle overturned, and he suffered fatal injuries.

Paul told me about his death while I was driving to Aunt June’s. I was near Shari’s house, made a U-turn, and altered my plans. Aunt June reassured me that it would be okay.

Their home was flooded with people when I arrived, but Nathan’s parents were at the funeral home. I stayed briefly because it could be long before they came home—they had many decisions to make.

After leaving their house, I helped Aunt June by going to the grocery store. I stopped in my tracks while passing the flower section because the flowers were stunning. I bought a bouquet for Shari.

I prayed for the Lord to give them grace, peace, and mercy throughout the day. My prayers changed when I returned to their house that afternoon. I prayed for the Lord to grant me abundant strength.

My new “job”

Before Uncle Jim passed, he and Aunt June chose to live in a pleasant two-bedroom apartment at a retirement facility. Since his death, Aunt June needed someone to help with her care because she has Parkinson’s disease.

Beth asked if I wanted to be a part-time caregiver for Aunt June. I felt this was what the Lord wanted me to do—I accepted the job. 

Four ladies care for her—two caregiver aides, Evelyn, and me. I do whatever she needs. I take her to the grocery store, shopping, especially to get her free Clinique goodies. I take her dog, Ginger, to the vet, do her medicines, and do many other chores. I also wash, blow dry, and curl her hair. It is funny. I was a tomboy when I was younger, and I don’t think I’ve ever used a curling iron.

I enjoy taking care of Aunt June a lot. She is a wonderful Christian lady and a joy to be around. As with all families, there are issues to handle. We both had Type A personalities and butted heads occasionally.

She loves me to vacuum her apartment frequently. I hardly ever vacuum my house, so I didn’t understand why she wanted it done when I did so two days before. Sometimes, I did not have a great attitude.

Eventually, my care was no longer needed as Aunt June moved to North Carolina to be closer to Beth.

Afterword (part IV)

Mom loved Jesus with all of her heart. Aunt Julie said our Christian legacy goes back a long way. Our family legacy won’t get us into Heaven. Each person has to make a personal decision to ask Jesus to be their personal Lord and Savior.

We are that house. Christ needs to be our foundation because the winds will blow and beat upon our house. Life is tough. Therefore, we need Jesus so that when the storms of life come, we will stand firm. 

 

U  How will you do things differently? Have you learn from my mistakes?  U

U  If you have a family member, friend, or loved one who is dying, can you tell them the wonderful things you want to say?  U

U  If you are terminally ill or dying, will you let your family members tell you everything they wish?  U

 

    “Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash” (Matthew 7:24, NLT).

 

“Let this be recorded for future generations, so that a people not yet born will praise the LORD” (Psalm 102:18, NLT).

Afterword (part III)

I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for the real hard times I described in the chapter “Friday Night.” As difficult as the night was, at least she was alive and still with me. 

Lean on God for your strength and ask Him to help you through and give you peace. Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still here.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend who is terminally ill, I grieve for you. I got teary-eyed writing that sentence. What you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers; we have only trod the same path. The one person who does have all the answers is Jesus. 

Be comforted by the scriptures, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NLT). “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother, because I may be experiencing the same feelings Mary had. Why did God choose me? I am an ordinary girl. Can I do what You want me to accomplish? How will I get it done? What will people think?

I am honored—honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feelings I have tonight. What an indescribable feeling I’ve never had before. I am in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish His excellent work.

Afterword (part II)

 

Jennifer mailed Mom a card a few days before she died. The card arrived after Mom passed away. In the card, Jennifer stated, “She was the best mom, and in her constant thoughts.” She was thankful for Mom and wanted to tell her again. 

She said Mom was an awesome example seen by others. Jennifer’s friend mentioned that our family has been an inspiration to her, with Mom leading the pack.

These thoughts were important for Jennifer to tell Mom.

The last time Jennifer called, Mom struggled to talk because she was dehydrated. It was awkward because Jennifer had to carry the conversation. She did not get to tell Mom all the things she wanted to. Jennifer stayed up with Mom most of the night—it was difficult to say the least.

Afterword (part I)

 

 

Only God knows the true intent of this book. Early on, I felt bombarded through sermons as though Jesus was speaking to me about publishing this book. In one sermon I heard, Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat and pushed the boat into the water. Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch anything. Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5, NIV). He cast his nets, which were so full of fish, the nets were breaking. Another boat came—they filled both boats and they started sinking.

 

This book was written because I obeyed the Lord. 

Because You say so, Lord, I will.

God has accomplished His will in ways I’ll never know.

It was not the Lord’s will to physically heal Mom, so I was with my journal not knowing what to do. I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students to pray for the Lord’s wisdom. 

The answer has been clear. Walk by Faith Through Death:  Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death and Terminal Illness was written for His honor and glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. The book will minister to people going through the death of a friend, loved one, or someone with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to mask specific issues. I wanted you to see the whole picture. If I our hid problems, you would not glean helpful information. 

I have omitted specific comments made by family members to avoid upsetting them. I did not want to step on anyone’s toes. All family members aren’t mentioned by name because there are too many names for you to remember. I have tried to be careful about what information should be included and removed what was unnecessary.  

The final chapter

Writing and editing this book was difficult, as it brought many tears and sad moments because I had to relive her death over and over again. During her illness, I had to walk by faith and depend on the Lord to see me through. I rejoice because Momma is in Heaven, and hopefully, this book has helped you.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind is my favorite verse: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT). This verse has helped me through difficult times, reminding me God is still in control and loves us.

I prayed and asked the Lord to write every word He wanted in this book and remove every word He didn’t want. Stories in the Face of Death:  Confronting 264 Challenging Questions Surrounding Death and Terminal Illness is His book. He placed this message on my heart.

I’ve told my sisters and friends I am just a P.E. teacher—writing a book is out of the box. 

The book Can One Person Make A Difference? states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks. He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips. If God is in it, anything is possible!” 

Satan tries to convince me I can’t do anything. He has harassed the dickens out of me and would love that I not do the Lord’s will, but my God is greater.

I am honored the Lord chosen me to do this work, and I am excited about what He will do. 

Momma was a wonderful person. Even though she isn’t here, she lives on in my family’s memories and hearts. She did leave the house . . . to go to Heaven. I can’t imagine how big her smile is now.

As I envision Mom in Heaven, I wonder what the Lord assigned her to do. Maybe your holding your brother’s hand as you walk the streets of gold or you’re playing tag with the children in the open fields—probably both and more. Maybe you’re among the kids playing with shaving cream? Perhaps you have the title of Youth Director. Whatever it is, she will be serving others.

 

The same God who walked with me by faith is the same God who will walk with you too. He will see you through. Many blessings! ~ Judy

U  WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?  U

U CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?  U

“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God” (Acts 20:24, NLT).