Boo

 

I wanted to make sure everyone was ready to have a new puppy.  I knew Lauren was ready, and Paul was ready whenever I was ready.  I needed to talk to Ashton.  I called him into my room and told him I needed to ask him a question.  He lied down next to me on the bed.  When I asked him if he was ready to have a puppy, he said he was ready. 

I had been praying for the Lord’s timing and help in finding a healthy puppy.  I was excited to set up a meeting with a breeder an hour away.  Everyone else in my family was busy, so I had to make the hour drive by myself.  The breeder had two female puppies for me to look at.  I knew I was coming home with a puppy.

The puppies were very cute.  One was definitely cuter than the other.  They weren’t raised under someone’s feet, so they weren’t used to people very much.  They smelled because they were raised in a kennel in which they ran around in their feces.  I took them outside, and one puppy shook the whole time.  They weren’t used to the grass very much either.  The breeder said they would lighten up if I took them back in the kennel.  They were then very spunky. 

 

I had made my choice, but then felt sorry for the momma dog.  I held the puppy to her and the other puppy and told them to tell her bye.  I made a small bouquet of cookies for the breeder.  I wrote “Boo” on the Yorkie cookie.

She has been an absolute joy and has helped fill the void of Muffin not being there.  She is readily getting used to everything and getting comfortable with her environment.

My preacher gave a tract to the church family asking us to witness to someone that particular week.  I forgot to do so that week, so I sent a tract to Dr. Mosher, Dr. Nemitz and Dr. Arbo.  I hope the Lord will bless it and multiply His kingdom.

In May, I received a card from Dr. Mosher thanking me for the bouquet.  The card stated, “Thank you, Judy.  Proverbs says ‘the righteous man takes care of the needs of his animals…’ Your brother in Christ, Mark Mosher.”

Muffin (part VIII)

The day we left was hard.  I asked the kids if they wanted to go to Muffin’s grave before we left.  They both wanted to.  We all walked out there together and said our own goodbyes in our hearts.  When I went back inside, Claudia said, “We will take care of little Muffy.”

The ride home was hard as well.  We went down to St. Simons with Muffin, and we were coming back to Athens without her.  When I got home my first priority was to get all of Muffin’s toys and things up before the kids saw them.  I had a little time by myself to get everything done.  It was extremely hard to pack all her things.  The house was so quiet.  I was used to Muffin always following me around, and now she was not there.  I cried a lot as it was all sinking in.  Before they all came home, I had already called someone I knew that breeds Yorkies.  He did not have any puppies.

 Paul had mentioned something about Muffin’s memorial.  I did not know what he was talking about.  Lauren had taken her Yorkie Beanie Baby and placed it where Muffin’s bed used to be.  Later on that evening, I noticed the stuffed animal was not there.  I asked Lauren why it was not there anymore.  She said, “Dad, said it was time to move on.”  I told her she could put it back if she wanted to.  I talked to Paul and told him that was Lauren’s way to grieve and to tell her it was okay to put it back.  The next day she had placed it back.

I wanted to send a bouquet of cookies to my vet and to the vet on St. Simons.  I baked four cookies that looked like paw prints, and the center cookie for the bouquet was a Yorkie.  It was really cute.  I shipped the bouquet to the vet on St. Simons but delivered the bouquet to my vet.  I tried not to cry but did so when I gave it to Dr. Nemitz.  He gave me a hug and said, “They are like family.”  Dr. Mosher was in surgery, so I did not get to see him.  I asked him a billion questions about puppies, breeders, getting puppy shots, etc.  He and his staff were very helpful.

Muffin (part VII)

 

Sensitivity is tough after a death.  The grieving person will possibly be very sensitive to how others act towards them.  If one normally jokes around or picks on the person, now is not the time.

I did not want to go four wheeling the next day like we were planning to do.  It did not “feel” right to me to jump on a four wheeler and have fun.  We ended up going two days later for the kids.  I went because I knew the kids wanted to go.  My feelings were secondary to theirs.  I rode a little bit but mainly let them ride.  They had a blast.  I took my I-Pod and praised Jesus with my music.

U  Are you “looking through the grieving person’s eyes” concerning how your words/actions are being taken?  U

U  Are you realizing the grieving person may not want to continue with plans they had made before the death occurred?  U

I looked back and thought of other things I would have done differently.  I did not even ask Paul if he wanted to hold Muffin when the kids were holding her.  It did not even cross my mind.  I talked to him about it today, and he told me he would have said something if he wanted to hold her.  He said he also wanted me to make the decision when to put her to sleep.

Dr. Mosher called today and told me he got my message.  He was calling to say he was sorry.  I told him about the blood work, and he said I made the right decision.  It was nice to hear his confirmation.  I knew I made the right decision.  He said, “If Muffin could say anything, she would say thank you; you were a great owner.” I appreciated him taking the time to call.

Muffin (part VI)

I went through the same things after Muffin died that I went through when Mom died.  I heard Dad’s dog walking through the kitchen and thought it was Muffin and remembered she was dead.  When I saw her belongings, it reminded me she was not here.  I missed her and thought about the first night without her, the first rain without her here.  I knew it would be hard when we went back home because it would be quiet.  She was always at my feet.  She was “my dog.”

Again I have learned so much.  It is amazing how much you learn from death.  It always seems something major happens in my family on spring break.  Mom died 2004, on the anniversary of Mom’s death we find out Jackie had cancer, Jackie’s burial was in 2007, and Muffin died in 2008.  I have decided that my spring break is for me to learn possibly so that others can learn.  If I have to suffer and endure so others won’t have to, or if I can help others out, I will.

One issue I struggle with the most is whether or not Muffin is in Heaven.  I am reading a book written by Randy Alcorn called Heaven.  It is a great book which uses scripture to answer so many questions people have concerning Heaven.  He discusses issues concerning animals in Heaven as well, but the Bible does not specifically state that dogs will be in Heaven.  This makes me sad not knowing whether I will see her again.  With Mom, I have the assurance I will see her again because she and I are born again believers having asked Christ into our hearts.  Because I was so distraught about whether or not Muffin was in Heaven, it made me focus even more about wanting mankind in Heaven.

U  How much more important is mankind than animals to God?  U

As a family, we talked at lunch about a new puppy.  Lauren said she was ready, Ashton was not.  We are going to have to figure out what the right timing is for all of us.  I don’t know when that will be.  You have to do what you want to do. 

When giving advice to someone after a death, you have to be careful.  Most people don’t know what to say, but they are sorry.  But as far as the next step, it could be a little tricky.  If you mention you should do this…..and tell them what you think they should do, it might not be what they should do.  It might not be what is right for them.  Only they will know.  You could mention what you went through and how it helped you.  The wording is important in how the advice comes across.

U  Are you being careful how words are used when giving advice to someone after a death?  U

Muffin (part V)

On the way to Dad’s house, I called our vet to let them know we had put her to sleep.  As soon as I walked into the house, Ashton already had the shovel and was ready to bury her.  Lauren did not want to watch her being buried, but just like when Mom was being buried Ashton wanted to be a part of it.  I told them to pick out where they wanted Muffin to be buried near the back fence.  They picked the exact spot I had thought of in my mind, right where the sun set at the fence. 

Lauren went inside as we were digging the grave but wanted to kiss Muffin goodbye before we buried her.  I told her I would come get her.  Claudia said Ashton could pick out a rock they got from the mountains for her grave marker. 

We got Lauren, and she kissed Muffin bye.  I carried her to the grave on the blanket.  We kissed her goodbye, placed her in the box, and Ashton and I buried her.  I wanted to bury her in a box because I did not want to throw dirt on her.  Ashton picked some flowers and put them on the grave.  I did not know if I should pray, so I did not say anything.  Ashton brought a Sharpie and wrote, “Little Mess Muffin” then “3-10-08” on the rock. 

I told the kids communication was very important, and if they wanted to be by themselves they needed to say so.  If they wanted to talk about it, then talk about it.  If someone was talking about it, and they did not want to hear something, they needed to say so. 

Claudia had picked up all of the pee-pee pads we had on the floor.  It was nice not having to see all of that.  I thanked her.  She said she tried to clean everything all up.  Ashton asked me what we were going to do with all of Muffin’s things.  I told him we would put her things in a special place and keep them.

U What can you do after a death to make the transition easier for someone else? U

Lauren, Ashton, and I just lay around for a while in the back bedroom.  I gave them some candy I had bought for them just in case she passed away.  I remember Mom doing that for me after our dog passed away when I was young. 

I told them to do whatever they wanted to do.  A little while later Ashton got up, and I heard the back door open.  He had walked out to the gravesite.  As I was walking up, he walked towards me.  He said he was just talking to her.  I told him it was okay because I did that at Mom’s grave. 

 

 U Are you communicating with the kids concerning their needs and letting them voice their opinions/needs? U

Muffin (part IV)

 

We met Dr. Arbo.  He took a blood sample and said it would be about 25-30 minutes to get the results.  We went to get gas and while we were out, I called Dr. Mosher’s office to ask how much Muffin weighed on Thursday.  She had lost eighteen ounces!  That is a lot of weight for a dog so small.  I knew it was not going to get any better.

We got the blood work back, and it was not good.  Dr. Arbo said her liver was failing and dragging her kidneys down.  The toxicity of the food was making her not want to eat and making her nauseous.  I knew what we needed to do and asked Paul what he thought.  He thought it was time as well.  I asked the vet about whether the kids should be in there when he was giving Muffin the shot.  He did not recommend it if they were under fifteen.  I asked him what to tell the kids about the shot in case they asked.  He said he did it in two phases.  One shot to make sure she would not feel any pain, and the second one would put her to sleep.  I did not know at first if I wanted to watch him give her the second shot.  I knew I would figure it out.

I got Paul to call Claudia and asked her to bring the kids to the vet so they could say goodbye to her.  Meanwhile, Paul called his mom and asked her to pray for the kids and me.  Claudia brought them to the vet, and they had already been crying.  I started tearing up a little as I saw Lauren crying.  I knew I needed to stay strong for them, so I stopped.  I remember how Jamie and I had to be strong for Dad as he was seeing Mom the first time after she had passed away.

I let each one of them hold Muffin and told them to tell her everything they wanted to because we were not in a hurry.  Lauren did the most talking and Ashton would agree to each statement she said.  I mentioned to them what Mom used to say about Muffin, “Rotten, rotten, rotten!”  It lightened the moment.  It was sweet to hear the things they were telling her.  I knew how much they would miss her.  Before Ashton left, he said he wanted to help dig the hole.

Claudia took them home, and Paul and I went back into the vet’s office.  I got the teddy bear blanket out of the car to carry Muffin home.  She loved to lie on the blanket at home.  Dr. Arbo had great bedside manners and apologized several times about having to put her to sleep.  He said some comment about her going to a better place.  He genuinely cared about her and was not matter of fact. 

I laid her on the blanket and told him we were ready.  He was very discreet and had the shot in his shirt pocket.  As he was giving her the first shot, I kissed her head.  He left so we could be alone with her.  I felt bad because I did not ask Paul if he said everything he wanted to say to her.  He replied, “I can’t.”  He said he already had said so but did not say it out loud.  He would not be able to verbalize it.  I told him that was why I was in the parking lot because I was telling her everything I wanted to tell her.

Dr. Arbo then came in and gave her the second shot that would put her to sleep.  I noticed she was not taking any more breaths and said so out loud.  He listened with a stethoscope to her heart and said she was gone.  I noticed her ear was yellow on the inside and had noticed her eye was a little yellow as well because she was jaundice.  That was my sign that I had made the right decision.  She would not be in pain or suffering any more.  I remember watching Mom take her final breaths and being there when she died.  I was glad Mom was in Heaven with Jesus and not suffering anymore.

Muffin (part III)

 

Monday morning I called Dr. Mosher because Muffin wasn’t taking treats, and she loved treats.  He told me everyone was worried about Muffin.  He told me to water down her canned food with hot water and feed her through a syringe.  She did not fight me when I tried at first but towards the end she did.  

Two weeks before Mom died, she had to be fed through a syringe into her feeding tube.  I did not think of this parallel until Jamie mentioned it.  Mom and Muffin had to depend on someone else to care for them and make decisions for them.

I took Muffin outside again to walk around.  I showed her the cute little purple flowers in Dad’s backyard and took a few pictures of her with my cell phone (wish I still had that photo).  Dad came out with his camera and took some pictures for me as well.  He mentioned I should bury her at his house instead of my house because we were getting ready to move, and that he would take her to put her asleep.  I did not want to hear what he was saying, so I stuck my arm out and waved it at him so he would stop.  He said he was there for me and would help out in anyway.  I did not want anyone to tell me what they thought I should do.  I did not want Paul to even say it was time to put her to sleep. 

We called a vet on St. Simons, and they said they could do blood work and find out the results in about fifteen minutes.  I told the kids I was taking her to the vet to check her liver and see how she was doing.  I asked them if they wanted to come tell her goodbye at the vet if we needed to put her to sleep.  They both wanted to come.  Ashton said he wanted her to be buried in Athens.  We had to do what was best for Muffin.

While we waited at the vet, I took her outside to walk around; I was preparing myself.  I told her all the things I wanted to tell her, something I didn’t get to do with Mom.  I told her how she had been a great dog, and a long list of other things.  I told her I was sorry for spanking her when she peed in the house.  I was holding her as I was telling her all these things.  Usually she was looking off in the distance.  Every once in a while she would look at me.  I told her, “I hope I see you in Heaven.”  When I said, “Heaven,” she looked at me and locked her eyes with mine.  I hate how man’s sin is the reason Muffin has to die.  It is not fair.  It makes me not like sin all the more.  Mom’s card she left for us was titled “SEE YOU IN HEAVEN.”

Muffin (part II)

Saturday and Sunday, Muffin would not eat or barely drink anything.  Saturday night was really rough.  She got up throughout the night.  I would hold and pet her trying to bring her comfort, therefore, did not get much sleep.  It reminded me greatly of the night I wrote concerning “This night.”  Both Mom and Muffin were up constantly trying to get settled.  Nothing seemed to work.

I prayed the Lord would take Muffin in her sleep because I did not want to “play God” and make the decision of putting her to sleep.  I also prayed for wisdom if I needed to make that decision.  I just did not think it was fair for me to decide.

Paul reminded me God gave man dominion over the animals.  Genesis 1:28 says, “God blessed them and told them, ‘Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.  Be masters over the fish and birds and all the animals.’”  In the foot notes of the Bible I was reading it stated, “To ‘be masters over’ something is to have absolute authority and control over it.  God has ultimate rule over the earth, and he exercises his authority with loving care.  When God delegated some of his authority to the human race, he expected us to take responsibility for the environment, and the other creatures that share our planet.’”

Saturday she seemed to have a little spark, and I took her outside to roam around.  All her life she loved to be outside and sit in the sun.  I remembered I wanted to take Mom to the beach in her wheelchair.  I did not want Muffin to lie around and be miserable.

I prayed the Lord would help Muffin and me get some sleep and prayed she would have a better night.  Again I prayed the Lord would take her in her sleep.  Every time I would get up to go to the bathroom or to comfort her, I would kiss her and tell her I loved her.  I did this because I did not know if she would be alive the next time I saw her.  She slept in longer intervals, and we had a good night's sleep.  I had a dream Muffin died.