Muffin (part I)

**The next six or seven posts will be about my dog's death in 2007.  I learned so much through her death, but the questions for you to apply don't come until the last posts:)**

Yesterday, we had to put our dog, Muffin to sleep.  She was a cute Yorkshire terrier just shy of being sixteen years old.  Muffin was the only dog my family ever had.

The reason I am writing about Muffin is because of all of the things I learned through Mom’s death, I applied with Muffin.  I even learned new things as a result of Muffin’s death.  As Muffin’s last week progressed, I noticed so many parallels between her death and Mom’s death.  It was astonishing to me. 

Spring break was coming up, and I really wanted to get Muffin to the vet because I knew she wasn’t breathing in enough oxygen at night.  She would make a series of sounds, “snorts” through her nose as if she were trying to catch her breath.  She was also not eating very well at all.  I had been praying the Lord would give me wisdom as to whether or not I needed to take her to the vet. 

I made an appointment for Thursday afternoon because we were going to Dad’s house on St. Simons the next day.  I prayed the Lord would give him wisdom and diagnose the problem.   I talked to Dr. Mosher for a while, and he said he would like to take an x-ray to better assess the situation and have more information.

The vet tech brought the x-ray machine into the room where we were, and I knew something was wrong since he wanted to show me the x-rays.  Dr. Mosher came back into the room and told me Muffin had a collapsing trachea.  Her trachea had collapsed to a small size, and it was though she was breathing though a straw.  She was making the noises because she was not getting enough oxygen.  He also noticed her liver has enlarged.  We knew we would have to treat that, but not today.  He put her on three medications. 

I had been talking to the kids about Muffin not doing well to prepare them.  I also talked to them and told them to spend time with her because she might not be around very long that it could be a day, a month, or a year.  Lauren said she wanted her to make it until she was sixteen.

I had already called Dad and asked him to call the vet on St. Simons and find out what they did if a dog needed to be put to sleep at night.  I did not want to be in a panic and wanted to have all the information.  I had even asked Dad if I could bury Muffin in his backyard if I needed to.  All of the things I learned are a result of having everything all planned out concerning Mom.

Putting up corn

 

Adam invited Claudia and the kids to put up corn at Myra’s mom’s house tomorrow.  First, I had Claudia explain to the kids what “putting up corn” entailed.  Adam was going out early the next day to pick the corn.  The kids would help shuck the corn then help prepare the creamed corn to be stored in the freezer.  I wanted it to be their decision since we were on vacation.  Ashton said, “I’m in!”  Lauren wanted to go also.  So, we decided to go.

U What will each person call the new family members?  (Ashton was asking me what he should call Adam.  I personally don’t like the word “step,” so I told him to call him his uncle.  In reference to Claudia, I say, “My dad’s wife.”  Everyone will be different.)  U 

Later that night Ashton said, “I can’t wait to help my uncle with the crops.”  I thought it would be a great chance for the kids to bond with Adam and Myra because they have not spent much time with them. 

The kids had a blast and were a big help with the corn.  They wanted to shuck corn instead of playing kickball.  Lauren and Ashton enjoyed getting to know everyone.  Lauren even got back out of the car to hug everyone goodbye when I had to go back in the house to get something.  On the ride home, they were both basically saying they were ready to do it all over again. 

U  Can you offer to get together both sides of the family, so they can bond?  (It can be something as simple as “putting up corn.”)  It is important for the new spouse to not pull the loved one away from their family.  Someone told me a man remarried another lady, and she pulled him away from his family basically making him choose between her and the rest of the family.  U

Shrimp Creole

I was looking through Mom’s recipe box while I was at Dad’s house.  I found the Shrimp Creole recipe and had the urge to make it.  I don’t know why, maybe it was because I had not had it in a while, or maybe it was because it reminded me of her. 

I knew it would probably not taste as good as hers, and my opinion was right.  It needed something to make it taste just right.  Maybe it was just Mom’s special touch.  As I was eating my supper, I thought about her and how it wasn’t the same without her.  But it pleased me just the same that I had made the Shrimp Creole.  Next time, hopefully it will be better.

(This was written in 2005, so I wanted to add a current thought since today is Thanksgiving Day.  I hope you have a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!       ~ Judy)

Asking for Mountains

 

Within one week, I received two rejection letters that shattered my world.  The rejection letters both were from the editors I met at the Christian writer’s conference.  I was sure one of them would come through.  I cried myself asleep.  I woke up at 1:50 a.m., and my eye sockets were in great pain from crying so much.  I took some Advil and fell asleep after 2:30 a.m.

I read my devotion which was titled, “Asking for Mountains,” it stated:  “If you always choose the easy way, asking for the peaceful valleys, you will never see God’s power displayed to enable you to take a mountain.  Seek out the mountains and you will witness God doing things through your life that can be explained only by His mighty presence.”

This is a mountain.  The biggest mountain I have ever faced in my entire life.  I compared it to Mom’s death and consider it a larger mountain.  With Mom’s death at least I knew it was God’s will.  I want to see His power.

I wish God would audibly speak and say, “Stop” or “Keep going.”  That would be the easiest and less painful way of seeing whether to continue with my book.  I guess this is where the rubber hits the road.  My hands are up in the air.  I can’t do anything else.  The only logic I can think of is the publisher that is to publish my book must only accept manuscripts from agents.  I press on!    

U Are you seeking God’s presence as you seek out the mountain before you?  U

Blackaby, Henry and Richard. Experiencing God. Day by Day. Nashville:  B&H  Publishing Group, 1998,  2006, 226.

Pieces of the puzzle

 

The writer’s conference served beneficial to me by helping me put together the pieces of the puzzle.  It enabled me the chance to meet people who helped me put the icing on the cake.

During my fifteen minute private appointments with editors, agents, and authors, I learned a lot.  They shared comments to me about their experiences with terminally ill people that I didn’t know or didn’t think about.  The movie shown during the conference was shown “just for me.”  Several times I picked up my pen and wrote down comments that were pertinent to me as I watched the movie.

The same conference buddies I met last year helped cheer me on.  They were prayer warriors for me.  One even prayed specifically for me during my private appointments with the editors and other people I met.  She was constantly asking me when my next appointment was, so she could pray.

So will I

Tonight, after listening to the song, “Voice of Truth,” I heard the words in a different way.  I got out of it I am to publish this book for His glory.  This book is Mom’s voice even though she is not here anymore.  It is her, still trying to reach people for Jesus, but she no longer has a voice we can hear.  Just as the last day she was alive, and I could not hear her voice, but I still tried to listen.

I went to the writer’s conference and when these thought were coming to me, her pen just “so happened” to be sticking up in my bag when I needed to write.  The pen is also another thing I cherish because it was hers.  Dad and Claudia mailed it to me.  It was a pen she wrote with at work, and it had the church’s name etched into it.  She had also written her last name on it.

The pen is now mine for me to use and tell people about Christ through this book.  Just as you (Jesus) went back to Heaven, you inspired writers to still proclaim your word.  So will I. 

U  Are you choosing and believing to listen to the voice of truth?  U

Finish the race

 

It is May 2, 2007.  Last month has been crazy.  The Christian writer’s conference starts in eighteen days, and I have not heard from the Lord whether or not He wants me to go.  I asked Him to give me a sign.  I went to the first writer’s conference because I thought I was supposed to go.  I don’t want it to be “my” decision.

At times, I have begged and pleaded for Him to show me, and at other times I have been distraught.  I know the Lord does not want me that way.  Thankfully, I have people at school praying for me. 

Just the other night, I looked at my painting of “Jesus in the Cloud” and remembered the passion I had in painting it.  All of the passion throughout the whole writing of the book just reminded me it had to be from the Lord. 

If I don’t hear from Him, I think I have to step out by faith one more time and try to finish the race.  If the doors get closed fine; I can accept it.

The last few days have been peaceful.  I have tried to be still and quiet before Him to hear His reply.  I have been reading Mom’s book by Charles Stanley again, and it has helped me greatly.  Part of one of the paragraphs I keep turning back to states, “If we make no response to what God says, we will never learn to hear.  If we do not positively know that we have heard from God, then we must actively move in the direction we believe God spoke.  We learn this way because we take a step of faith.  Since God is a loving Father, if He sees us moving in the wrong direction, He will correct our course so that we walk in the truth.  We may not hear rightly every time, but that is part of the learning process too.”

U  Are you actively moving in the direction you believe God spoke?  U

U  Are you walking by faith by taking a step of faith?  U

Stanley, Charles. How to Listen to God. Nashville:  Thomas Nelson, Inc.,  Publishers, 1985.  133.

What will life be like once I’m gone?

(As you read this, please remember this was written five years ago and is not my current thoughts, views, and feelings.)

In a few weeks, it will be three years since Mom has passed away.  Yet, I cried again tonight as I watched a movie which made me wonder if she thought, “What will life be like once I’m gone?”  As she looked at her grandkids……imagining their life without her.  Did Mom look at me wondering about my life without her in it?  What did she think of when she looked at Dad?  She knew he would remarry.  It must have saddened her knowing she wasn’t going to be there for us….involved in our lives.  But she knew her Creator was in control, and everything was going to be fine.  He would take care of us.

In another movie I watched, a little girl knew she was going to die.  When someone asked her what she feared she answered, “Everyone forgetting me.” 

 

U What memories will you leave behind? U

Traditions (part II)

I was disappointed because I want to stay at Dad’s just like I’m sure everyone else wants.  Claudia’s mom can’t get up and down the stairs to the condo, so she needs to stay at Dad’s.  It would not be fair for Dad’s girls to stay at their house and not Kelli and Adam.  There are so many people and things to take into consideration.  We have to honor their decision.

I sit and think about what Mom would say if she were here.  But, that is the whole issue, it is because she is not here; there has to be change and things have to be done differently.  Everyone has to take one for the team, sacrificing in some way.  At first, it may seem to be an issue, just as it was an issue when I found out Dad was dating one person.  Feelings are hurt, you learn to deal with it, adapt and adjust, and everything is fine.

There will be other issues that come up I know.  Change is inevitable.  One week from today will be Dad and Claudia’s first anniversary.  Time has flown by.  New traditions will be started I’m sure, and the old one’s may be hard to let go of.  Whoever thought the death of one family member would create so much change in the lives of their loved ones.

The situation resolved itself.  Dad called me this past weekend to tell me one of Claudia’s relatives is not coming down for Christmas.  It will be crowded, but everyone can stay at Dad’s house this year.

U Are you being selfish about having things the way they have ALWAYS been or are you taking into consideration the needs of both families?  U