Boo

 

I wanted to make sure everyone was ready to have a new puppy.  I knew Lauren was ready, and Paul was ready whenever I was ready.  I needed to talk to Ashton.  I called him into my room and told him I needed to ask him a question.  He lied down next to me on the bed.  When I asked him if he was ready to have a puppy, he said he was ready. 

I had been praying for the Lord’s timing and help in finding a healthy puppy.  I was excited to set up a meeting with a breeder an hour away.  Everyone else in my family was busy, so I had to make the hour drive by myself.  The breeder had two female puppies for me to look at.  I knew I was coming home with a puppy.

The puppies were very cute.  One was definitely cuter than the other.  They weren’t raised under someone’s feet, so they weren’t used to people very much.  They smelled because they were raised in a kennel in which they ran around in their feces.  I took them outside, and one puppy shook the whole time.  They weren’t used to the grass very much either.  The breeder said they would lighten up if I took them back in the kennel.  They were then very spunky. 

 

I had made my choice, but then felt sorry for the momma dog.  I held the puppy to her and the other puppy and told them to tell her bye.  I made a small bouquet of cookies for the breeder.  I wrote “Boo” on the Yorkie cookie.

She has been an absolute joy and has helped fill the void of Muffin not being there.  She is readily getting used to everything and getting comfortable with her environment.

My preacher gave a tract to the church family asking us to witness to someone that particular week.  I forgot to do so that week, so I sent a tract to Dr. Mosher, Dr. Nemitz and Dr. Arbo.  I hope the Lord will bless it and multiply His kingdom.

In May, I received a card from Dr. Mosher thanking me for the bouquet.  The card stated, “Thank you, Judy.  Proverbs says ‘the righteous man takes care of the needs of his animals…’ Your brother in Christ, Mark Mosher.”

Muffin (part VIII)

The day we left was hard.  I asked the kids if they wanted to go to Muffin’s grave before we left.  They both wanted to.  We all walked out there together and said our own goodbyes in our hearts.  When I went back inside, Claudia said, “We will take care of little Muffy.”

The ride home was hard as well.  We went down to St. Simons with Muffin, and we were coming back to Athens without her.  When I got home my first priority was to get all of Muffin’s toys and things up before the kids saw them.  I had a little time by myself to get everything done.  It was extremely hard to pack all her things.  The house was so quiet.  I was used to Muffin always following me around, and now she was not there.  I cried a lot as it was all sinking in.  Before they all came home, I had already called someone I knew that breeds Yorkies.  He did not have any puppies.

 Paul had mentioned something about Muffin’s memorial.  I did not know what he was talking about.  Lauren had taken her Yorkie Beanie Baby and placed it where Muffin’s bed used to be.  Later on that evening, I noticed the stuffed animal was not there.  I asked Lauren why it was not there anymore.  She said, “Dad, said it was time to move on.”  I told her she could put it back if she wanted to.  I talked to Paul and told him that was Lauren’s way to grieve and to tell her it was okay to put it back.  The next day she had placed it back.

I wanted to send a bouquet of cookies to my vet and to the vet on St. Simons.  I baked four cookies that looked like paw prints, and the center cookie for the bouquet was a Yorkie.  It was really cute.  I shipped the bouquet to the vet on St. Simons but delivered the bouquet to my vet.  I tried not to cry but did so when I gave it to Dr. Nemitz.  He gave me a hug and said, “They are like family.”  Dr. Mosher was in surgery, so I did not get to see him.  I asked him a billion questions about puppies, breeders, getting puppy shots, etc.  He and his staff were very helpful.

Muffin (part VII)

 

Sensitivity is tough after a death.  The grieving person will possibly be very sensitive to how others act towards them.  If one normally jokes around or picks on the person, now is not the time.

I did not want to go four wheeling the next day like we were planning to do.  It did not “feel” right to me to jump on a four wheeler and have fun.  We ended up going two days later for the kids.  I went because I knew the kids wanted to go.  My feelings were secondary to theirs.  I rode a little bit but mainly let them ride.  They had a blast.  I took my I-Pod and praised Jesus with my music.

U  Are you “looking through the grieving person’s eyes” concerning how your words/actions are being taken?  U

U  Are you realizing the grieving person may not want to continue with plans they had made before the death occurred?  U

I looked back and thought of other things I would have done differently.  I did not even ask Paul if he wanted to hold Muffin when the kids were holding her.  It did not even cross my mind.  I talked to him about it today, and he told me he would have said something if he wanted to hold her.  He said he also wanted me to make the decision when to put her to sleep.

Dr. Mosher called today and told me he got my message.  He was calling to say he was sorry.  I told him about the blood work, and he said I made the right decision.  It was nice to hear his confirmation.  I knew I made the right decision.  He said, “If Muffin could say anything, she would say thank you; you were a great owner.” I appreciated him taking the time to call.

Muffin (part VI)

I went through the same things after Muffin died that I went through when Mom died.  I heard Dad’s dog walking through the kitchen and thought it was Muffin and remembered she was dead.  When I saw her belongings, it reminded me she was not here.  I missed her and thought about the first night without her, the first rain without her here.  I knew it would be hard when we went back home because it would be quiet.  She was always at my feet.  She was “my dog.”

Again I have learned so much.  It is amazing how much you learn from death.  It always seems something major happens in my family on spring break.  Mom died 2004, on the anniversary of Mom’s death we find out Jackie had cancer, Jackie’s burial was in 2007, and Muffin died in 2008.  I have decided that my spring break is for me to learn possibly so that others can learn.  If I have to suffer and endure so others won’t have to, or if I can help others out, I will.

One issue I struggle with the most is whether or not Muffin is in Heaven.  I am reading a book written by Randy Alcorn called Heaven.  It is a great book which uses scripture to answer so many questions people have concerning Heaven.  He discusses issues concerning animals in Heaven as well, but the Bible does not specifically state that dogs will be in Heaven.  This makes me sad not knowing whether I will see her again.  With Mom, I have the assurance I will see her again because she and I are born again believers having asked Christ into our hearts.  Because I was so distraught about whether or not Muffin was in Heaven, it made me focus even more about wanting mankind in Heaven.

U  How much more important is mankind than animals to God?  U

As a family, we talked at lunch about a new puppy.  Lauren said she was ready, Ashton was not.  We are going to have to figure out what the right timing is for all of us.  I don’t know when that will be.  You have to do what you want to do. 

When giving advice to someone after a death, you have to be careful.  Most people don’t know what to say, but they are sorry.  But as far as the next step, it could be a little tricky.  If you mention you should do this…..and tell them what you think they should do, it might not be what they should do.  It might not be what is right for them.  Only they will know.  You could mention what you went through and how it helped you.  The wording is important in how the advice comes across.

U  Are you being careful how words are used when giving advice to someone after a death?  U

Muffin (part V)

On the way to Dad’s house, I called our vet to let them know we had put her to sleep.  As soon as I walked into the house, Ashton already had the shovel and was ready to bury her.  Lauren did not want to watch her being buried, but just like when Mom was being buried Ashton wanted to be a part of it.  I told them to pick out where they wanted Muffin to be buried near the back fence.  They picked the exact spot I had thought of in my mind, right where the sun set at the fence. 

Lauren went inside as we were digging the grave but wanted to kiss Muffin goodbye before we buried her.  I told her I would come get her.  Claudia said Ashton could pick out a rock they got from the mountains for her grave marker. 

We got Lauren, and she kissed Muffin bye.  I carried her to the grave on the blanket.  We kissed her goodbye, placed her in the box, and Ashton and I buried her.  I wanted to bury her in a box because I did not want to throw dirt on her.  Ashton picked some flowers and put them on the grave.  I did not know if I should pray, so I did not say anything.  Ashton brought a Sharpie and wrote, “Little Mess Muffin” then “3-10-08” on the rock. 

I told the kids communication was very important, and if they wanted to be by themselves they needed to say so.  If they wanted to talk about it, then talk about it.  If someone was talking about it, and they did not want to hear something, they needed to say so. 

Claudia had picked up all of the pee-pee pads we had on the floor.  It was nice not having to see all of that.  I thanked her.  She said she tried to clean everything all up.  Ashton asked me what we were going to do with all of Muffin’s things.  I told him we would put her things in a special place and keep them.

U What can you do after a death to make the transition easier for someone else? U

Lauren, Ashton, and I just lay around for a while in the back bedroom.  I gave them some candy I had bought for them just in case she passed away.  I remember Mom doing that for me after our dog passed away when I was young. 

I told them to do whatever they wanted to do.  A little while later Ashton got up, and I heard the back door open.  He had walked out to the gravesite.  As I was walking up, he walked towards me.  He said he was just talking to her.  I told him it was okay because I did that at Mom’s grave. 

 

 U Are you communicating with the kids concerning their needs and letting them voice their opinions/needs? U

Muffin (part IV)

 

We met Dr. Arbo.  He took a blood sample and said it would be about 25-30 minutes to get the results.  We went to get gas and while we were out, I called Dr. Mosher’s office to ask how much Muffin weighed on Thursday.  She had lost eighteen ounces!  That is a lot of weight for a dog so small.  I knew it was not going to get any better.

We got the blood work back, and it was not good.  Dr. Arbo said her liver was failing and dragging her kidneys down.  The toxicity of the food was making her not want to eat and making her nauseous.  I knew what we needed to do and asked Paul what he thought.  He thought it was time as well.  I asked the vet about whether the kids should be in there when he was giving Muffin the shot.  He did not recommend it if they were under fifteen.  I asked him what to tell the kids about the shot in case they asked.  He said he did it in two phases.  One shot to make sure she would not feel any pain, and the second one would put her to sleep.  I did not know at first if I wanted to watch him give her the second shot.  I knew I would figure it out.

I got Paul to call Claudia and asked her to bring the kids to the vet so they could say goodbye to her.  Meanwhile, Paul called his mom and asked her to pray for the kids and me.  Claudia brought them to the vet, and they had already been crying.  I started tearing up a little as I saw Lauren crying.  I knew I needed to stay strong for them, so I stopped.  I remember how Jamie and I had to be strong for Dad as he was seeing Mom the first time after she had passed away.

I let each one of them hold Muffin and told them to tell her everything they wanted to because we were not in a hurry.  Lauren did the most talking and Ashton would agree to each statement she said.  I mentioned to them what Mom used to say about Muffin, “Rotten, rotten, rotten!”  It lightened the moment.  It was sweet to hear the things they were telling her.  I knew how much they would miss her.  Before Ashton left, he said he wanted to help dig the hole.

Claudia took them home, and Paul and I went back into the vet’s office.  I got the teddy bear blanket out of the car to carry Muffin home.  She loved to lie on the blanket at home.  Dr. Arbo had great bedside manners and apologized several times about having to put her to sleep.  He said some comment about her going to a better place.  He genuinely cared about her and was not matter of fact. 

I laid her on the blanket and told him we were ready.  He was very discreet and had the shot in his shirt pocket.  As he was giving her the first shot, I kissed her head.  He left so we could be alone with her.  I felt bad because I did not ask Paul if he said everything he wanted to say to her.  He replied, “I can’t.”  He said he already had said so but did not say it out loud.  He would not be able to verbalize it.  I told him that was why I was in the parking lot because I was telling her everything I wanted to tell her.

Dr. Arbo then came in and gave her the second shot that would put her to sleep.  I noticed she was not taking any more breaths and said so out loud.  He listened with a stethoscope to her heart and said she was gone.  I noticed her ear was yellow on the inside and had noticed her eye was a little yellow as well because she was jaundice.  That was my sign that I had made the right decision.  She would not be in pain or suffering any more.  I remember watching Mom take her final breaths and being there when she died.  I was glad Mom was in Heaven with Jesus and not suffering anymore.

Muffin (part III)

 

Monday morning I called Dr. Mosher because Muffin wasn’t taking treats, and she loved treats.  He told me everyone was worried about Muffin.  He told me to water down her canned food with hot water and feed her through a syringe.  She did not fight me when I tried at first but towards the end she did.  

Two weeks before Mom died, she had to be fed through a syringe into her feeding tube.  I did not think of this parallel until Jamie mentioned it.  Mom and Muffin had to depend on someone else to care for them and make decisions for them.

I took Muffin outside again to walk around.  I showed her the cute little purple flowers in Dad’s backyard and took a few pictures of her with my cell phone (wish I still had that photo).  Dad came out with his camera and took some pictures for me as well.  He mentioned I should bury her at his house instead of my house because we were getting ready to move, and that he would take her to put her asleep.  I did not want to hear what he was saying, so I stuck my arm out and waved it at him so he would stop.  He said he was there for me and would help out in anyway.  I did not want anyone to tell me what they thought I should do.  I did not want Paul to even say it was time to put her to sleep. 

We called a vet on St. Simons, and they said they could do blood work and find out the results in about fifteen minutes.  I told the kids I was taking her to the vet to check her liver and see how she was doing.  I asked them if they wanted to come tell her goodbye at the vet if we needed to put her to sleep.  They both wanted to come.  Ashton said he wanted her to be buried in Athens.  We had to do what was best for Muffin.

While we waited at the vet, I took her outside to walk around; I was preparing myself.  I told her all the things I wanted to tell her, something I didn’t get to do with Mom.  I told her how she had been a great dog, and a long list of other things.  I told her I was sorry for spanking her when she peed in the house.  I was holding her as I was telling her all these things.  Usually she was looking off in the distance.  Every once in a while she would look at me.  I told her, “I hope I see you in Heaven.”  When I said, “Heaven,” she looked at me and locked her eyes with mine.  I hate how man’s sin is the reason Muffin has to die.  It is not fair.  It makes me not like sin all the more.  Mom’s card she left for us was titled “SEE YOU IN HEAVEN.”

Muffin (part II)

Saturday and Sunday, Muffin would not eat or barely drink anything.  Saturday night was really rough.  She got up throughout the night.  I would hold and pet her trying to bring her comfort, therefore, did not get much sleep.  It reminded me greatly of the night I wrote concerning “This night.”  Both Mom and Muffin were up constantly trying to get settled.  Nothing seemed to work.

I prayed the Lord would take Muffin in her sleep because I did not want to “play God” and make the decision of putting her to sleep.  I also prayed for wisdom if I needed to make that decision.  I just did not think it was fair for me to decide.

Paul reminded me God gave man dominion over the animals.  Genesis 1:28 says, “God blessed them and told them, ‘Multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.  Be masters over the fish and birds and all the animals.’”  In the foot notes of the Bible I was reading it stated, “To ‘be masters over’ something is to have absolute authority and control over it.  God has ultimate rule over the earth, and he exercises his authority with loving care.  When God delegated some of his authority to the human race, he expected us to take responsibility for the environment, and the other creatures that share our planet.’”

Saturday she seemed to have a little spark, and I took her outside to roam around.  All her life she loved to be outside and sit in the sun.  I remembered I wanted to take Mom to the beach in her wheelchair.  I did not want Muffin to lie around and be miserable.

I prayed the Lord would help Muffin and me get some sleep and prayed she would have a better night.  Again I prayed the Lord would take her in her sleep.  Every time I would get up to go to the bathroom or to comfort her, I would kiss her and tell her I loved her.  I did this because I did not know if she would be alive the next time I saw her.  She slept in longer intervals, and we had a good night's sleep.  I had a dream Muffin died.

 

Muffin (part I)

**The next six or seven posts will be about my dog's death in 2007.  I learned so much through her death, but the questions for you to apply don't come until the last posts:)**

Yesterday, we had to put our dog, Muffin to sleep.  She was a cute Yorkshire terrier just shy of being sixteen years old.  Muffin was the only dog my family ever had.

The reason I am writing about Muffin is because of all of the things I learned through Mom’s death, I applied with Muffin.  I even learned new things as a result of Muffin’s death.  As Muffin’s last week progressed, I noticed so many parallels between her death and Mom’s death.  It was astonishing to me. 

Spring break was coming up, and I really wanted to get Muffin to the vet because I knew she wasn’t breathing in enough oxygen at night.  She would make a series of sounds, “snorts” through her nose as if she were trying to catch her breath.  She was also not eating very well at all.  I had been praying the Lord would give me wisdom as to whether or not I needed to take her to the vet. 

I made an appointment for Thursday afternoon because we were going to Dad’s house on St. Simons the next day.  I prayed the Lord would give him wisdom and diagnose the problem.   I talked to Dr. Mosher for a while, and he said he would like to take an x-ray to better assess the situation and have more information.

The vet tech brought the x-ray machine into the room where we were, and I knew something was wrong since he wanted to show me the x-rays.  Dr. Mosher came back into the room and told me Muffin had a collapsing trachea.  Her trachea had collapsed to a small size, and it was though she was breathing though a straw.  She was making the noises because she was not getting enough oxygen.  He also noticed her liver has enlarged.  We knew we would have to treat that, but not today.  He put her on three medications. 

I had been talking to the kids about Muffin not doing well to prepare them.  I also talked to them and told them to spend time with her because she might not be around very long that it could be a day, a month, or a year.  Lauren said she wanted her to make it until she was sixteen.

I had already called Dad and asked him to call the vet on St. Simons and find out what they did if a dog needed to be put to sleep at night.  I did not want to be in a panic and wanted to have all the information.  I had even asked Dad if I could bury Muffin in his backyard if I needed to.  All of the things I learned are a result of having everything all planned out concerning Mom.

Putting up corn

 

Adam invited Claudia and the kids to put up corn at Myra’s mom’s house tomorrow.  First, I had Claudia explain to the kids what “putting up corn” entailed.  Adam was going out early the next day to pick the corn.  The kids would help shuck the corn then help prepare the creamed corn to be stored in the freezer.  I wanted it to be their decision since we were on vacation.  Ashton said, “I’m in!”  Lauren wanted to go also.  So, we decided to go.

U What will each person call the new family members?  (Ashton was asking me what he should call Adam.  I personally don’t like the word “step,” so I told him to call him his uncle.  In reference to Claudia, I say, “My dad’s wife.”  Everyone will be different.)  U 

Later that night Ashton said, “I can’t wait to help my uncle with the crops.”  I thought it would be a great chance for the kids to bond with Adam and Myra because they have not spent much time with them. 

The kids had a blast and were a big help with the corn.  They wanted to shuck corn instead of playing kickball.  Lauren and Ashton enjoyed getting to know everyone.  Lauren even got back out of the car to hug everyone goodbye when I had to go back in the house to get something.  On the ride home, they were both basically saying they were ready to do it all over again. 

U  Can you offer to get together both sides of the family, so they can bond?  (It can be something as simple as “putting up corn.”)  It is important for the new spouse to not pull the loved one away from their family.  Someone told me a man remarried another lady, and she pulled him away from his family basically making him choose between her and the rest of the family.  U

Shrimp Creole

I was looking through Mom’s recipe box while I was at Dad’s house.  I found the Shrimp Creole recipe and had the urge to make it.  I don’t know why, maybe it was because I had not had it in a while, or maybe it was because it reminded me of her. 

I knew it would probably not taste as good as hers, and my opinion was right.  It needed something to make it taste just right.  Maybe it was just Mom’s special touch.  As I was eating my supper, I thought about her and how it wasn’t the same without her.  But it pleased me just the same that I had made the Shrimp Creole.  Next time, hopefully it will be better.

(This was written in 2005, so I wanted to add a current thought since today is Thanksgiving Day.  I hope you have a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving!       ~ Judy)

Asking for Mountains

 

Within one week, I received two rejection letters that shattered my world.  The rejection letters both were from the editors I met at the Christian writer’s conference.  I was sure one of them would come through.  I cried myself asleep.  I woke up at 1:50 a.m., and my eye sockets were in great pain from crying so much.  I took some Advil and fell asleep after 2:30 a.m.

I read my devotion which was titled, “Asking for Mountains,” it stated:  “If you always choose the easy way, asking for the peaceful valleys, you will never see God’s power displayed to enable you to take a mountain.  Seek out the mountains and you will witness God doing things through your life that can be explained only by His mighty presence.”

This is a mountain.  The biggest mountain I have ever faced in my entire life.  I compared it to Mom’s death and consider it a larger mountain.  With Mom’s death at least I knew it was God’s will.  I want to see His power.

I wish God would audibly speak and say, “Stop” or “Keep going.”  That would be the easiest and less painful way of seeing whether to continue with my book.  I guess this is where the rubber hits the road.  My hands are up in the air.  I can’t do anything else.  The only logic I can think of is the publisher that is to publish my book must only accept manuscripts from agents.  I press on!    

U Are you seeking God’s presence as you seek out the mountain before you?  U

Blackaby, Henry and Richard. Experiencing God. Day by Day. Nashville:  B&H  Publishing Group, 1998,  2006, 226.

Pieces of the puzzle

 

The writer’s conference served beneficial to me by helping me put together the pieces of the puzzle.  It enabled me the chance to meet people who helped me put the icing on the cake.

During my fifteen minute private appointments with editors, agents, and authors, I learned a lot.  They shared comments to me about their experiences with terminally ill people that I didn’t know or didn’t think about.  The movie shown during the conference was shown “just for me.”  Several times I picked up my pen and wrote down comments that were pertinent to me as I watched the movie.

The same conference buddies I met last year helped cheer me on.  They were prayer warriors for me.  One even prayed specifically for me during my private appointments with the editors and other people I met.  She was constantly asking me when my next appointment was, so she could pray.

So will I

Tonight, after listening to the song, “Voice of Truth,” I heard the words in a different way.  I got out of it I am to publish this book for His glory.  This book is Mom’s voice even though she is not here anymore.  It is her, still trying to reach people for Jesus, but she no longer has a voice we can hear.  Just as the last day she was alive, and I could not hear her voice, but I still tried to listen.

I went to the writer’s conference and when these thought were coming to me, her pen just “so happened” to be sticking up in my bag when I needed to write.  The pen is also another thing I cherish because it was hers.  Dad and Claudia mailed it to me.  It was a pen she wrote with at work, and it had the church’s name etched into it.  She had also written her last name on it.

The pen is now mine for me to use and tell people about Christ through this book.  Just as you (Jesus) went back to Heaven, you inspired writers to still proclaim your word.  So will I. 

U  Are you choosing and believing to listen to the voice of truth?  U

Finish the race

 

It is May 2, 2007.  Last month has been crazy.  The Christian writer’s conference starts in eighteen days, and I have not heard from the Lord whether or not He wants me to go.  I asked Him to give me a sign.  I went to the first writer’s conference because I thought I was supposed to go.  I don’t want it to be “my” decision.

At times, I have begged and pleaded for Him to show me, and at other times I have been distraught.  I know the Lord does not want me that way.  Thankfully, I have people at school praying for me. 

Just the other night, I looked at my painting of “Jesus in the Cloud” and remembered the passion I had in painting it.  All of the passion throughout the whole writing of the book just reminded me it had to be from the Lord. 

If I don’t hear from Him, I think I have to step out by faith one more time and try to finish the race.  If the doors get closed fine; I can accept it.

The last few days have been peaceful.  I have tried to be still and quiet before Him to hear His reply.  I have been reading Mom’s book by Charles Stanley again, and it has helped me greatly.  Part of one of the paragraphs I keep turning back to states, “If we make no response to what God says, we will never learn to hear.  If we do not positively know that we have heard from God, then we must actively move in the direction we believe God spoke.  We learn this way because we take a step of faith.  Since God is a loving Father, if He sees us moving in the wrong direction, He will correct our course so that we walk in the truth.  We may not hear rightly every time, but that is part of the learning process too.”

U  Are you actively moving in the direction you believe God spoke?  U

U  Are you walking by faith by taking a step of faith?  U

Stanley, Charles. How to Listen to God. Nashville:  Thomas Nelson, Inc.,  Publishers, 1985.  133.

What will life be like once I’m gone?

(As you read this, please remember this was written five years ago and is not my current thoughts, views, and feelings.)

In a few weeks, it will be three years since Mom has passed away.  Yet, I cried again tonight as I watched a movie which made me wonder if she thought, “What will life be like once I’m gone?”  As she looked at her grandkids……imagining their life without her.  Did Mom look at me wondering about my life without her in it?  What did she think of when she looked at Dad?  She knew he would remarry.  It must have saddened her knowing she wasn’t going to be there for us….involved in our lives.  But she knew her Creator was in control, and everything was going to be fine.  He would take care of us.

In another movie I watched, a little girl knew she was going to die.  When someone asked her what she feared she answered, “Everyone forgetting me.” 

 

U What memories will you leave behind? U

Traditions (part II)

I was disappointed because I want to stay at Dad’s just like I’m sure everyone else wants.  Claudia’s mom can’t get up and down the stairs to the condo, so she needs to stay at Dad’s.  It would not be fair for Dad’s girls to stay at their house and not Kelli and Adam.  There are so many people and things to take into consideration.  We have to honor their decision.

I sit and think about what Mom would say if she were here.  But, that is the whole issue, it is because she is not here; there has to be change and things have to be done differently.  Everyone has to take one for the team, sacrificing in some way.  At first, it may seem to be an issue, just as it was an issue when I found out Dad was dating one person.  Feelings are hurt, you learn to deal with it, adapt and adjust, and everything is fine.

There will be other issues that come up I know.  Change is inevitable.  One week from today will be Dad and Claudia’s first anniversary.  Time has flown by.  New traditions will be started I’m sure, and the old one’s may be hard to let go of.  Whoever thought the death of one family member would create so much change in the lives of their loved ones.

The situation resolved itself.  Dad called me this past weekend to tell me one of Claudia’s relatives is not coming down for Christmas.  It will be crowded, but everyone can stay at Dad’s house this year.

U Are you being selfish about having things the way they have ALWAYS been or are you taking into consideration the needs of both families?  U

Traditions (part I)

The holidays are soon approaching, and our family is trying to plan ahead for Christmas.  There are many things to take into consideration.  We are a blended family now, Claudia’s family and Dad’s family; two families coming together as one.  Ever since Mom passed away, things have never been the same nor will they ever be.

Family has been an important and big part of our lives.  There has been tradition woven in throughout the years.  One tradition is everyone always spends the night at Mom and Dad’s house when we came in town for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Jamie lives on the island, so she and her family drive over Christmas morning.  Space has become an issue, as our families have expanded.  One year, my family stayed at a hotel on the island to ease the traffic and congestion at their house.  Another year, possibly Christmas, Paul and Ashton slept in a trailer in their backyard.

U  Are the loved one’s siblings, parents, grandparents etc. being remembered (by phone calls, gifts or invites to gatherings) especially during the holidays or on their birthday?  U 

This year, everyone from both families will be on the island, and there is no room in the inn.  On August 30^th, Claudia sent the four girls an email discussing the upcoming plans concerning where everyone will stay.  She wrote, “Your Dad and I are thinking ahead about Christmas – merging our two families, it will be a large group, and we want it to be a special time for everyone.”  She then listed where each family will stay.  She told us my family and Joann’s family will be staying in the condo above her condo.  She is renting her condo out for the winter, so we can’t stay there.  Jennifer’s family will stay with Jamie.  Claudia’s mom and a few of her relatives will stay at Dad’s.  Kelli has her own apartment on the island and she, Adam, Myra, and Hamp will stay there. 

U  Are you realizing the new spouse’s children may not feel comfortable to stay a long while because the house has not become home to them yet?  U